The Naked Listener’s Weblog
is on leave of absence
15 March 2012
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IN THE MEANTIME
here is the old About text:
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Modern dysanthology of quotations heard unawares
The Naked Listener’s Weblog is a collection of random bits and pieces of conversations that I overhear from time to time — not of famous people, but of disarmingly ordinary people in breathtakingly ordinary settings.
What started out as a handwritten notebook has now grown to 23 29 35 volumes and counting. Sometimes famous people make it into The Naked Listener (if they are lucky enough) — only because they were heard speaking as ordinary people who just happened to be famous.
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From around 1997 to 2001, some passages from the paper version began to appear online as a posting category on a Yahoo! GeoCities homepage. Being that [*] the notebooks were starting to pile up, the whole paper version went online in 2001/02 as “The Naked Listener’s Weblog.”
[*] ’Being that’ is grammatically correct (contrary to the beliefs of the SAT providers), though generally regarded as non-standard usage. But here’s the rub — is it better to start a sentence with ‘being that’ or with ‘because’? Where’s your god now, buddy boy?
From 2002 to 2005, the blog ran at GeoCities until Yahoo announced it was pulling out of the blogging business by 2009.
From 2005 to 2008, the blog lived at Windows Live Spaces until Microsoft announced it too was pulling out of the blogging business by 2011.
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This WordPress version, born on 19th August 2008, continues the work of the paper version.
The blog has been mirrored at Tumblr since 21st December 2010 (Link).
The blog joined Facebook on 8th January 2011 (Link).
The blog went live on Twitter at 10.04am GMT on 18 September 2012 (Link).
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The blog received The Versatile Blogger Award on 26th May 2011.
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The blog was nominated for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award on 1st April 2012.
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Why not tell it to me in my left ear?
Robert Lee IS The Naked Listener. If and when he finds conversations he overhears are in some strange way interesting or even thought-provoking, he writes them down into notebooks. Robert has lots of little notebooks of this stuff, each 200 leaves thick and entirely handwritten. Right now, that works out to 5,400-plus pages of letter-sized/A4 paper (and counting).
When not involved in the profitless enterprise that is The Naked Listener’s Weblog, Robert is a ponytailed, cowboy boot-wearing, five-meals-a-day financial printer and printbroker. He also represents authors in Law, Tax and Finance to publishers worldwide (a marginally less profit-challenged undertaking).
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Robert spent his formative years variously in Rome, Milan, Florence, São Paulo, Honolulu (right on Waikiki Beach!), Los Angeles, San Francisco, Paris, Singapore, Kuala Lumpur, Hong Kong, Tokyo, Yokohama, London and Beirut. He didn’t realise they were in different countries, so it didn’t matter.
He once played polo for Hertfordshire county in England. He is also an internationally ranked motorcyclist and has represented Hong Kong in motorcycle competitions.
A late developer, he started school only by 12 but ‘finished’ all his formal education by 17. That episode lasted only five years. His edjumacation lasted considerably longer than that, unfortunately. He went on to waste time, money and effort to receive legal training in English and Hong Kong Law but is not a practising lawyer/solicitor (thankfully).
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He speaks (and sometimes genuflects in) incredibly fluent and flawless English and Cantonese Chinese but analogously dismal French and German — and even more pathetic Italian. It takes him only a fortnight to pick up Farsi (Iranian), though. His only saving grace (language-wise) is that he can handle his booze and tolerate durians, that foul-smelling sonofabitch fruit. Ultimately, durian tolerance is what counts in life.
He also ‘signs’ — knows sign language — which is seriously useful when he’s seriously fuelled up on contraband booze and in imminent danger of eating durians for reasons thereof.
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Robert is a published author (or ‘had been,’ depending on your perspective): his first book at 18 and the second 22. Both promptly went ‘OP’ (out of print) a year after publication. The cognoscenti had him doped for a world-class artsy-fartsy photographer, then they discovered to their disappointment that his two books were crap. He thinks the readers were douchebags anyway, so there’s no love lost.
Much more importantly, Robert totally concurs with the German proverb:—
In wine you will find wisdom,
strength in beer,
and in water,
you will find bacteria.
Even more importantly in the overall scheme of Life, Robert has a particularly mewling penchant for East End London Cockney girls, who can rob him blind.
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But what makes The Naked Listener tick?
See the About me.
Check out the Testimonials page: click here.
Update: Why do you even care?
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Join us on Facebook
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Actually, I’d rather you didn’t join
Events
The Naked Listener’s Weblog organises a yearly fan meeting (called a “Clench”), which is a public event and anyone can come to (and beat up The Naked Listener). Subscribe to our Facebook page (above) and receive news of forthcoming events and wild sex parties.
Update: I have better things to do, thank you very much.
Blog’s worth
That was back in 2009. Hoped that the value has appreciated even marginally since then.
Update: Clearly not nearly enough for you and your high standards.
My Blogger Code
B9 D+++ T- K+ S F I O++ X++ E+ L C Y1 R+ W- P+ M5 N H
Alternative version: B9 d- t- k+ s+ u– f i o++ x++ e l c-
Update: Decode them manually [here] yourself.
My Geek Code
I’m not a geek (or a nerd, for that matter). But when you’re a blogger, it is morally unethical not to include a geek code:—
GAT$ d++(-) s-:-(—:—) a14 c(+) U— P L E@ W++@ N+++(+) o K w+ O+ M(+) V+ PS+ PE Y+ PGP t+(-) 5+(5) X+ R* tv+ b+ DI++ D+(D) G e++ h* r+% y+++++**
Eminently decoded [here].
Update: Decode them your own self.
Guestbook
Sign my guestbook [here]. (Deactivated for the moment for reconstruction.)
Update: Deactivated, period.
Contact
Use the contact form [click here].
Update: Not interested. Leave your comment below, or leave.
Copyright
If I have used your images or anything else that you would like removed, just email me.
(I’m waiting to be paid myself for my work, so not to put too fine a point on things…)
Update: If you can still see your stuff here, then you’re a better man or woman than I am.
Disclaimer
This site is NOT an ‘editorial product released to the public on a regular basis.’ The updates consist of improvements or insights to what is already published. (Nothing is ever original anymore ever since the Internet started. So there.)
And you’re pretty daft to even imagine this site is anything but for entertainment purposes only. You need to get a life in real life.
Disclamatory disclaimer
All stories on this site are purely fictional. Some are even artistic works of fiction. The people depicted within these stories only exist in someone’s imagination. Any resemblance of those depictions to any real person (living or dead, or in between) or real or imaginary events is an incredible coincidence too bizarre to be believed. If you think that you or someone you know is depicted in one of these stories, it’s only because you’re a twisted perverted little pillock (stupid or annoying person, chiefly BrE) who sees conspiracies and plots where none exist. You probably suspect that your own mother had sex with aliens and cows and stuff. Well, she didn’t. It’s all in your head. Now take your tranquilisers (or your favourite brand of contraband) and relax.
The Answer to Life and Everything Else is the number 42 — and that’s the only fact.
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LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW IF YOU MUST
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© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2006–2012. Updated 26 May 2012.
Images:
Notebook photo (on this page) via Beth Skwarecki
The Versatile Blogger Award logo via Word Nymph
The Very Inspiring Blogger Award logo via The Dissemination of Thought
Profile pictures of author © The Naked Listener’s Weblog
Changelog:
Created 18 Aug 2008 (based on an original dated 20 Jan 1996)
Published 19 Aug 2008 on this WordPress.com blog
Updated 16 Sept 2011, 07 Aug 2011 and 14 June 2011
Updated 01 Jan 2012 (updating links)
Updated 04 Jan 2012 (amendments, reformats, updating links)
Updated 10 Jan 2012 (additional disclaimer clauses)
Updated 11 Jan 2012 (correcting links, amended disclaimers)
Updated 07 March 2012 (minor amendments, links fixed)
Updated 12 March 2012 (amendments)
Updated 14 March 2012 (amendments)
Updated and released 15 March 2012
Updated 21 March 2012
Updated 19 April 2012 (removing old rant text)
Updated 26 May 2012 (minor amendments, reformatting, reinstatements, new links)
Hey Rob, do take care. Your updates will be sorely missed!
Thanks, Guus, and I sorely miss updating it too. But the leave of absence should be temporary – I just need to do this to prove a point. Please don’t unsubscribe, as that will allow me to send notification of reactivation. Thanks, Guus, for taking the time to follow my blog.
“Not a hair on my head” is thinking of unsubscribing, Rob! Hope to read you soon again!
Wait! Don’t go! Especially don’t let things like this get to you!
It’s been an absolute pleasure strolling through your posts, I’m sort of really surprised they’re not more popular here, amazing.
I couldn’t say how much I’ve learnt but I’m sure there’s a shit-load of subconscious this-that-andtheothers that I’ve taken in. It’s one of my favourite writing-centric (sorry for all the dashes) blogs out there, one which you can read over and leave with a fresh feeling, I should probably read them through more slowly but at least there are still plenty to go through.
Erm, basically I just wanted to type that your blog is probably more respected than you realise, have a gander at the visitor counter if you need reminding.
Much love maestro. Hope you come back soon!
Thank you for strolling here. I’m sorry it’s come to this, but I should say the furlough is temporary – just don’t know how long it’ll last. It isn’t the blog-crappers that’s causing me to go on leave of absence – the crappers were the tipping point. Please, subscribe/follow my blog and you will get notification of its reactivation/re-animation. Thanks for the very kind words.
With your bad-ass cowboy boots, you’re more than welcome to take a load off in Texas! An appropriate response to your critics, from Tennessean by birth and Texan in death, Davy Crockett: “I also told them of the manner in which I had been knocked down and dragged out, and that I didn’t consider it a fair fight any how they could fix it. I put the ingredients in the cup pretty strong I tell you, and I concluded my speech by telling them that I was done with politics for the present, and they might all go to hell, and I would go to Texas.”
I think Davy Crockett had he been alive would deeply appreciate the Alamo siege feeling that I have holding out against all the crap swirling in my life (and also for the blog). But then again, Crockett was much better educated than I could ever hope to be, so his remark would be ‘too constructive.’ Yes, I would like to go to Texas, but you can appreciate it that I much prefer the bastards go to hell and don’t come back. Right this moment, I need a cup of something pretty strong myself. *Glurg glurg glurg*
I certainly hope to find that you are reactivating this soon. I have to admit that it took me a little while to get used to your blog but I have learned to enjoy and appreciate it – even if I didn’t ever really comment on it. Not enough of your observational skills out there so please don’t give it up.
And yes, I am a subscriber and will continue to be until you decide to give it up for good (hopefully someday far into the future). :-)
The fact that you took time to get used to my blog is deeply appreciated – and very flattering. I’m not sure if my observational skills are any good (or if I have any at all) – I just go by my grandpa’s principle “Question your answer.”
This blog has an official Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Naked-Listeners-Weblog/124762890923834.
I also have a thoroughly unfunny blog (Learn English or Starve, http://learnenglishorstarve.wordpress.com) that I seditiously use for thumbing my nose at grammarfags. I don’t update that blog because the subject matter is so uninspiring generally, but that should keep you going for a bit.
Because I have been inspired by your blog I would have chosen to nominate you for the Inspired Blogger Award but as you are on furlough I will join your protest and resist the temptation. You can see my award post at: http://dgmattichakjr.com/2012/04/01/very-inspiring-blogger-award/.
Come back- cyberspace is getting dull.
Come back soon, please! And I am also missing your always interesting responses over on SeingRedInChina. Not enough folk like you in the world. Best Wishes from me who has learned an awful lot from you.