Disgusting food I eat, enjoyably so

9.33pm local time / 15°C (59°F) at 91% relative humidity

SOME OF YOU have a penchant for being nosey knowing what my meals are like.

As a glutton — err, I mean — foodie, I can relate to why you’d be interested.

Truth is, I eat and drink anything under the sun.

One of the more brain-damaged aspects about me is that I really enjoy that almost-mediaeval English partiality to boiled meats.

“Eeew! Boiled meats?! What the—?” you say with face a-grimacing and your actual body recoiling back in disgust and horror.

Obviously I’m not going to just eat disintegrating pieces of bland, tasteless body parts floating half-dead in tepid water. Eeew, that’s absolutely revolting…

No, my boiled meats are stewed in flavourful broth and dipped in savoury sauce before being gobbled.

As the pictures below will show.

Last night’s dinner. TV remotes not part of the gig.

I only managed to retrieve these photos from the memory card just now because my camera went on the fritz the day before.

Pork on the bone, carrots and ‘snow ear’ (雪耳 shuet yee), all cooked in pork broth.

The vino tinto de España isn’t visible because I woz drinkin’ it.

Mediaeval fare in a modern world.

Too bad I couldn’t retrieve the shuet yee picture for you.

(‘Shuet’ is pronounced in Cantonese like the German word ’schüt’. The Mandarin name for snow ear is xuě ěr.)

Shuet yee is a kind of edible Chinese fungus often used in soups. It’s semi-transparent, slightly yellowish in colour, and resembles those really wide rubberbands that post offices use on parcels, but more wrinkly and more delicate. Its English common names are snow fungus, silver ear fungus or white jelly mushroom. The scientific name is Tremella fuciformis.

Shuet yee itself is tasteless and odorless, but it brings out the flavour of everything it touches. It looks a lot like that stuff called bird’s nest (which are in fact congealed bird saliva — but that’s another stomach-churning story).

The dip makes all the difference.

The dipping sauce was made from soy sauce, a teaspoon or two of sesame oil, and a liberal lacing of white pepper powder (the kind you use in salt and pepper shakers). Done!

Before you pump a couple of shotgun rounds into your local grocer for not stocking sesame oil, you can replace it with any other kind of vegetable oil (but not olive oil). Just cook your replacement vegetable oil for a few minutes on low heat, bring to hot (not boiling) — done!

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SOY SAUCE TRIVIA

The common (or generic) name for soy sauce is si yau (豉油) in Cantonese, jiàng yóu (醬油) in Mandarin, or shōyu in Japanese. There are two types — know the difference, or your meal’s a goner.

1. That light (or ‘fresh’) soy sauce is called saang chau (生抽) in Cantonese, or jiàng ch’ing (酱清) in Mandarin. This is the ‘brewed’ (i.e. original) soy sauce made directly from soybeans. Saang chau is used for seasoning because of its saltier taste and less noticeable colour (lighter brown).

2. That really dark-coloured soy sauce (sometimes seen in big bottles) is called lo chau (老抽 : ‘old sauce’) in Cantonese, or lǎo chōu in Mandarin. This is ‘blended’ soy sauce made from the first type, with caramel and molasses added so it’s slightly thicker, slightly sweeter and less salty in flavour. Lo chau is used for cooking to obtain ‘colour.’

If you’re not thoroughly confused by now, just skip the hassle of figuring out which is which and buy the Kikkoman brand from Japan. You’re always safe with Kikkoman because it’s chiefly for seasoning but good as well for cooking.

Caution: If you have coeliac disease or are gluten-intolerant, stick to Chinese soy sauce. Japanese soy sauce is 50% wheat-containing (the Chinese version contains much less).

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TASTE TRIVIA

Know the basic taste sensations?

Bitterness, saltiness, sourness, sweetness, umami, piquance, astringency and fattiness (eight in all).

Come again?

Umami (旨味) is the scientific term (from Japanese) for that pleasant savoury taste usually associated with meat. Umami was identified in 1908 by Japanese chemist Kikunae Ikeda (discoverer of monosodium glutamate). Soy sauce is the prime example of umami taste.

Piquance (raciness or spiciness or hot spicy) is a traditional Asian basic taste — and it makes sense because the ‘traditional’ four-taste theory got stuck for a long time trying to explain piquance.

Astringency (tartness) is a traditional Indian basic taste specification. That’s the dry, puckering mouthfeel we get from young red wines, tea, vinegar and tannin-containing fruits such as sloe berries (a kind of plum), quince (cousin to the apple and pear), persimmon and banana skins.

The tongue taste map is a myth and complete bollocks. Different regions of the tongue DON’T specialise in different tastes. In fact all taste sensations come from all regions of the tongue. And you’d know this to be true if you ever did histology.

The whole myth (that is, a small number of ‘basic tastes’ giving rise to numerous complex tastes) ultimately came from some moron(s) treating taste like primary colours (that is, three or four light wavelengths combining to form a spectrum of colours). And people still believe in this taste-map nonsense, and it’s still being taught in school. It’s so completely bollocks. Srsly.

(Truth is, the tongue-taste map myth was political propaganda. Around the time of the First World War, governments propagated the myth in order to reserve meat and other foodstuffs while trying to avoid all-out civilian rationing. The spiel was that, since all other tastes came from just four tastes, there’s no need to have ‘rich’ foods and one could just mix and match basic flavours to achieve the desired taste. It’s the same story with the drinking hours in the United Kingdom.)

Fact is, 75 years’ worth of food and health research have shown there are more than four or five ‘basic’ taste sensations. There is some evidence for a sixth basic taste that senses fatty substances.

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Yes, yes, yes, I know you’re wondering about that since the first picture.

Relax, it’s a pig’s tail.

No, it’s not the outcome of a kitchen accident.

Hey, c’mon, peep’l, we have oxtail and stuff, so why not pig’s tail? I mean, there’s pig’s tail, horsemeat, catmeat and animal skin in our McBongo burgers, and we don’t complain.

I must admit it would make a darn good prank on the uninitiated.

© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2012. All photos by me. Kikkoman soy sauce via Wikipedia.

Choggie new year follow-up

8.45pm local time  / 13°C (55°F) at 88% relative humidity

YESTERDAY WAS the third and final day of the Chinese New Year holidays in Hong Kong.

I couldn’t post a follow-up yesterday as promised, mainly because:

• I was lazy because of the rich meals I was having
• my camera conked out
• managed just now to salvage some pictures from the camera memory card

* * *

Here’s what happened yesterday (Wednesday, 25th January):

Just kidding.

Actually, this happened:

That’s a friend’s iPhone screencap. You don’t even need to know Chinese to realise it’s pretty high on the WTF-ness scale.

That was 4.8°C (40.6°F) at 7.10am in the suburbs yesterday. In the urban areas, it was 8°C. It was 10°C in London.

The bottom of the screencap says we can expect this Saturday to rise to a maximum of 19°C (66°F). Some rise, huh?

* * *

I forgot to post these food pictures on the last day of the Year of the Angry Rabbit (Sunday 22nd January), so I’ll just leave these here.

Hotpot dinner of lean beef, fatty beef, mushrooms, meatballs, fishballs, mussels and greens.

‘Popcorn’ the housecat … not part of the dinner gig.

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And yesterday (25th):

No home is without snacks during Chinese New Year — especially pistachios (underneath the Doritos and crisps).

Australian beefsteak, seared on the outside and rare on the inside.

That’s just MY portion (four pieces).

All the other pictures can’t be salvaged from the memory card. (Grumble)

* * *

Street scenes from yesterday:

It was pissing down all day yesterday and the traffic was chockablock everywhere.

Like I said, it was around 8°C to 10°C (46°F to 50°F) yesterday in the urban areas. People stood practically motionless in the street, so adding to the general chockablockness.

After two full days of being locked indoors because of the cold, everyone was dying to come out of the woodwork by the third day yesterday.

As expected, our overimaginative but under-promiscuous pouty chicks refused to wear anything but miniskirts in the face of low temperatures and rain. (Sorry, those pictures didn’t make it out from the memory card.)

Possibly the world’s most expensive shop space (Swatch timepieces) stayed open throughout the three-day holiday. And going strong even at night.

* * *

And today (26th):

With mefolks this afternoon.

(Guess which one of them is slightly loopy.)

© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2012. All photos by me.

Choggie new year again! (More?)

10.20am local time

8°C (46°F) in Hong Kong / 10°C (50°F) in London

THAT’S RIGHT, peep’l, we’re finally more brain-damaged than our previous rulers. It’s now colder and wetter in subtropical Hong Kong than it is in temperate London.

Today is the third and final day of our Chinese New Year holidays.

It’s the Year of the Water Dragon — but you and I know already it’s really the Year of the Salamander.

I’m just about to hit the streets, so stay tuned for pictures later.

Cheerio!

Kung Hei Fat Choy

© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2012. Image via Linlithgow Liberal Democrats.

It’s still choggie new year! (Part 3)

From Part 2

Updated 25 Jan 2012 (correcting typos).

This is the final part for now.

I realise Part 2 was a bit brain-damaged, so here are more of the same.

The pigeons having their new year’s feast.

Officially, we’re not allowed to feed pigeons. but what the hell. Live and let live!

This tree is 15 years old.

(Yeah, everything is fast-growing here in Hong Kong.)

The last tree on the same site was 120 years old, then it kicked the bucket in a tropical storm. I fetched bits of the old one back home, and I love it.

They’re still suffociating the tree with these concrete barriers!

The lone white pigeon stared at me non-stop. It was eery.

The groundsman  at the nearby cricket club threw some bread crumbs to the birds, saying “Happy New Year to you guys!”

Awww, that’s nice of him, wasn’t it?

The hated crowd-control barriers.

We’re having 23 minutes of fireworks tonight around eight o’clock.

Hate it. I used to love fireworks, but not since after living in Beirut.

Now, I get really scared when they crank up the fireworks because they sound exactly like artillery fire.

© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2012. All images by me.

It’s still choggie new year! (Part 2)

From Part 1

WE CONTINUE  with the second day of the Chinese New Year.

Some street décor from this morning (around 7am to 8am):

It isn’t glowing. It’s just the camera strobe.

Gilden dragon with frog-face on its back.

Dragons and frogs … salamanders and frogs … amphibians.

So it’s the Year of Amphibious Creatures. The furry animals have their years, so why not the amphibians?

So the ‘frog’ is not actually a frog … maybe he’s a ‘Frog.’

Salamander, salamander, salamander.

Mr Father Fortune (‘Tsoi Yeh’) on the gilden salamander dragon.

Tsoi Yeh is the giver of monetary fortune (cash!) and fortuity (the non-cash kind). He is the Chinese patron saint of moolah.

Lady Fortune may be a woman in the West, but he’s one cool badass dude in the East.

Money does not buy happiness (we know that), but you can sure live a better class of misery with moolah though.

His attire is traditionally from the Tang dynasty (AD 618–906), the high point of Chinese civilisation.

That’s the dynasty responsible for bringing us individual bank accounts, public examinations, modern census, taxation, export goods, multiculturalism, public boozing and modern equality of the sexes.

Mr Father Fortune in Technicolor.

Trumps the motorcycle any day.

And not many things in life can trump the motorbike. Ever.

The Tang dynasty is replete with tales of dudes riding on motorcycles dragons and other creatures.

Tang dynasty people are well known for their ability to shoot lasers from their palms, a.k.a. Star Wars light sabres.

(Those who have watched old Hong Kong B-movies from the 1950s will know what I mean.)

Yee-harr! Ching Chong Chowmein Hell’s Angels!

Like the decorations?

* * *

It’s still 12°C (53°F) and drizzling, so it’s exactly like Athens now.

I’ve had half a bottle of port already while posting this because of the cold.

* * *

And a few more in Part 3!

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© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2012. All images by me.