SOME OF YOU have a penchant for being nosey knowing what my meals are like.

As a glutton — err, I mean — foodie, I can relate to why you’d be interested.

Truth is, I eat and drink anything under the sun.

One of the more brain-damaged aspects about me is that I really enjoy that almost-mediaeval English partiality to boiled meats.

“Eeew! Boiled meats?! What the—?” you say with face a-grimacing and your actual body recoiling back in disgust and horror.

Obviously I’m not going to just eat disintegrating pieces of bland, tasteless body parts floating half-dead in tepid water. Eeew, that’s absolutely revolting…

No, my boiled meats are stewed in flavourful broth and dipped in savoury sauce before being gobbled.

As the pictures below will show.

Last night’s dinner. TV remotes not part of the gig.

I only managed to retrieve these photos from the memory card just now because my camera went on the fritz the day before.

Pork on the bone, carrots and ‘snow ear’ (雪耳 shuet yee), all cooked in pork broth.

The vino tinto de España isn’t visible because I woz drinkin’ it.

Mediaeval fare in a modern world.

Too bad I couldn’t retrieve the shuet yee picture for you.

(‘Shuet’ is pronounced in Cantonese like the German word ’schüt’. The Mandarin name for snow ear is xuě ěr.)

Shuet yee is a kind of edible Chinese fungus often used in soups. It’s semi-transparent, slightly yellowish in colour, and resembles those really wide rubberbands that post offices use on parcels, but more wrinkly and more delicate. Its English common names are snow fungus, silver ear fungus or white jelly mushroom. The scientific name is Tremella fuciformis.

Shuet yee itself is tasteless and odorless, but it brings out the flavour of everything it touches. It looks a lot like that stuff called bird’s nest (which are in fact congealed bird saliva — but that’s another stomach-churning story).

The dip makes all the difference.

The dipping sauce was made from soy sauce, a teaspoon or two of sesame oil, and a liberal lacing of white pepper powder (the kind you use in salt and pepper shakers). Done!

Before you pump a couple of shotgun rounds into your local grocer for not stocking sesame oil, you can replace it with any other kind of vegetable oil (but not olive oil). Just cook your replacement vegetable oil for a few minutes on low heat, bring to hot (not boiling) — done!

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SOY SAUCE TRIVIA

The common (or generic) name for soy sauce is si yau (豉油) in Cantonese, jiàng yóu (醬油) in Mandarin, or shōyu in Japanese. There are two types — know the difference, or your meal’s a goner.

1. That light (or ‘fresh’) soy sauce is called saang chau (生抽) in Cantonese, or jiàng ch’ing (酱清) in Mandarin. This is the ‘brewed’ (i.e. original) soy sauce made directly from soybeans. Saang chau is used for seasoning because of its saltier taste and less noticeable colour (lighter brown).

2. That really dark-coloured soy sauce (sometimes seen in big bottles) is called lo chau (老抽 : ‘old sauce’) in Cantonese, or lǎo chōu in Mandarin. This is ‘blended’ soy sauce made from the first type, with caramel and molasses added so it’s slightly thicker, slightly sweeter and less salty in flavour. Lo chau is used for cooking to obtain ‘colour.’

If you’re not thoroughly confused by now, just skip the hassle of figuring out which is which and buy the Kikkoman brand from Japan. You’re always safe with Kikkoman because it’s chiefly for seasoning but good as well for cooking.

Caution: If you have coeliac disease or are gluten-intolerant, stick to Chinese soy sauce. Japanese soy sauce is 50% wheat-containing (the Chinese version contains much less).

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TASTE TRIVIA

Know the basic taste sensations?

Bitterness, saltiness, sourness, sweetness, umami, piquance, astringency and fattiness (eight in all).

Come again?

Umami (旨味) is the scientific term (from Japanese) for that pleasant savoury taste usually associated with meat. Umami was identified in 1908 by Japanese chemist Kikunae Ikeda (discoverer of monosodium glutamate). Soy sauce is the prime example of umami taste.

Piquance (raciness or spiciness or hot spicy) is a traditional Asian basic taste — and it makes sense because the ‘traditional’ four-taste theory got stuck for a long time trying to explain piquance.

Astringency (tartness) is a traditional Indian basic taste specification. That’s the dry, puckering mouthfeel we get from young red wines, tea, vinegar and tannin-containing fruits such as sloe berries (a kind of plum), quince (cousin to the apple and pear), persimmon and banana skins.

The tongue taste map is a myth and complete bollocks. Different regions of the tongue DON’T specialise in different tastes. In fact all taste sensations come from all regions of the tongue. And you’d know this to be true if you ever did histology.

The whole myth (that is, a small number of ‘basic tastes’ giving rise to numerous complex tastes) ultimately came from some moron(s) treating taste like primary colours (that is, three or four light wavelengths combining to form a spectrum of colours). And people still believe in this taste-map nonsense, and it’s still being taught in school. It’s so completely bollocks. Srsly.

(Truth is, the tongue-taste map myth was political propaganda. Around the time of the First World War, governments propagated the myth in order to reserve meat and other foodstuffs while trying to avoid all-out civilian rationing. The spiel was that, since all other tastes came from just four tastes, there’s no need to have ‘rich’ foods and one could just mix and match basic flavours to achieve the desired taste. It’s the same story with the drinking hours in the United Kingdom.)

Fact is, 75 years’ worth of food and health research have shown there are more than four or five ‘basic’ taste sensations. There is some evidence for a sixth basic taste that senses fatty substances.

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Yes, yes, yes, I know you’re wondering about that since the first picture.

Relax, it’s a pig’s tail.

No, it’s not the outcome of a kitchen accident.

Hey, c’mon, peep’l, we have oxtail and stuff, so why not pig’s tail? I mean, there’s pig’s tail, horsemeat, catmeat and animal skin in our McBongo burgers, and we don’t complain.

I must admit it would make a darn good prank on the uninitiated.

© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2012. All photos by me. Kikkoman soy sauce via Wikipedia.

YESTERDAY WAS the third and final day of the Chinese New Year holidays in Hong Kong.

I couldn’t post a follow-up yesterday as promised, mainly because:

• I was lazy because of the rich meals I was having
• my camera conked out
• managed just now to salvage some pictures from the camera memory card

* * *

Here’s what happened yesterday (Wednesday, 25th January):

Just kidding.

Actually, this happened:

That’s a friend’s iPhone screencap. You don’t even need to know Chinese to realise it’s pretty high on the WTF-ness scale.

That was 4.8°C (40.6°F) at 7.10am in the suburbs yesterday. In the urban areas, it was 8°C. It was 10°C in London.

The bottom of the screencap says we can expect this Saturday to rise to a maximum of 19°C (66°F). Some rise, huh?

* * *

I forgot to post these food pictures on the last day of the Year of the Angry Rabbit (Sunday 22nd January), so I’ll just leave these here.

Hotpot dinner of lean beef, fatty beef, mushrooms, meatballs, fishballs, mussels and greens.

‘Popcorn’ the housecat … not part of the dinner gig.

* * *

And yesterday (25th):

No home is without snacks during Chinese New Year — especially pistachios (underneath the Doritos and crisps).

Australian beefsteak, seared on the outside and rare on the inside.

That’s just MY portion (four pieces).

All the other pictures can’t be salvaged from the memory card. (Grumble)

* * *

Street scenes from yesterday:

It was pissing down all day yesterday and the traffic was chockablock everywhere.

Like I said, it was around 8°C to 10°C (46°F to 50°F) yesterday in the urban areas. People stood practically motionless in the street, so adding to the general chockablockness.

After two full days of being locked indoors because of the cold, everyone was dying to come out of the woodwork by the third day yesterday.

As expected, our overimaginative but under-promiscuous pouty chicks refused to wear anything but miniskirts in the face of low temperatures and rain. (Sorry, those pictures didn’t make it out from the memory card.)

Possibly the world’s most expensive shop space (Swatch timepieces) stayed open throughout the three-day holiday. And going strong even at night.

* * *

And today (26th):

With mefolks this afternoon.

(Guess which one of them is slightly loopy.)

© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2012. All photos by me.

8°C (46°F) in Hong Kong / 10°C (50°F) in London

THAT’S RIGHT, peep’l, we’re finally more brain-damaged than our previous rulers. It’s now colder and wetter in subtropical Hong Kong than it is in temperate London.

Today is the third and final day of our Chinese New Year holidays.

It’s the Year of the Water Dragon — but you and I know already it’s really the Year of the Salamander.

I’m just about to hit the streets, so stay tuned for pictures later.

Cheerio!

Kung Hei Fat Choy

© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2012. Image via Linlithgow Liberal Democrats.

Updated 25 Jan 2012 (correcting typos).

This is the final part for now.

I realise Part 2 was a bit brain-damaged, so here are more of the same.

The pigeons having their new year’s feast.

Officially, we’re not allowed to feed pigeons. but what the hell. Live and let live!

This tree is 15 years old.

(Yeah, everything is fast-growing here in Hong Kong.)

The last tree on the same site was 120 years old, then it kicked the bucket in a tropical storm. I fetched bits of the old one back home, and I love it.

They’re still suffociating the tree with these concrete barriers!

The lone white pigeon stared at me non-stop. It was eery.

The groundsman  at the nearby cricket club threw some bread crumbs to the birds, saying “Happy New Year to you guys!”

Awww, that’s nice of him, wasn’t it?

The hated crowd-control barriers.

We’re having 23 minutes of fireworks tonight around eight o’clock.

Hate it. I used to love fireworks, but not since after living in Beirut.

Now, I get really scared when they crank up the fireworks because they sound exactly like artillery fire.

© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2012. All images by me.

WE CONTINUE  with the second day of the Chinese New Year.

Some street décor from this morning (around 7am to 8am):

It isn’t glowing. It’s just the camera strobe.

Gilden dragon with frog-face on its back.

Dragons and frogs … salamanders and frogs … amphibians.

So it’s the Year of Amphibious Creatures. The furry animals have their years, so why not the amphibians?

So the ‘frog’ is not actually a frog … maybe he’s a ‘Frog.’

Salamander, salamander, salamander.

Mr Father Fortune (‘Tsoi Yeh’) on the gilden salamander dragon.

Tsoi Yeh is the giver of monetary fortune (cash!) and fortuity (the non-cash kind). He is the Chinese patron saint of moolah.

Lady Fortune may be a woman in the West, but he’s one cool badass dude in the East.

Money does not buy happiness (we know that), but you can sure live a better class of misery with moolah though.

His attire is traditionally from the Tang dynasty (AD 618–906), the high point of Chinese civilisation.

That’s the dynasty responsible for bringing us individual bank accounts, public examinations, modern census, taxation, export goods, multiculturalism, public boozing and modern equality of the sexes.

Mr Father Fortune in Technicolor.

Trumps the motorcycle any day.

And not many things in life can trump the motorbike. Ever.

The Tang dynasty is replete with tales of dudes riding on motorcycles dragons and other creatures.

Tang dynasty people are well known for their ability to shoot lasers from their palms, a.k.a. Star Wars light sabres.

(Those who have watched old Hong Kong B-movies from the 1950s will know what I mean.)

Yee-harr! Ching Chong Chowmein Hell’s Angels!

Like the decorations?

* * *

It’s still 12°C (53°F) and drizzling, so it’s exactly like Athens now.

I’ve had half a bottle of port already while posting this because of the cold.

* * *

And a few more in Part 3!

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© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2012. All images by me.

IT’S STILL Chinese New Year today. It’ll still be tomorrow.

Yes, folks, the Chinese New Year is a three-day legal public holiday here in Hong Kong.

(Are you jealous yet?)

Here’s this morning (between 7am and 8am):

A miracle! No cars on the road! (7.26am)

Never noticed the pine tree at the
Royal Hong Kong Yacht Club until this morning.

I pity the tree having to suffer our hot soupy heat for 1o months of the year and then only one month of its own natural climate. Stay frosty, my friend.

 A miracle! Nobody in the underground/subway station!

We call ours the MTR — Mass Transit Railway, not Mass Transit Rudeness.

Trivia: Uniquely, our MTR is the only profitable railway company in the world.

Perfect road safety: nothing on the roads.

Where I was — ahem! — conceived … 42 Yun Ping Road

Hey, I’m not responsible for my parents’ marital activities. Namsayin’?

I ain’t ungrateful, but this ain’t the life I subscribed to…

Another view of Yun Ping Road.

Sogo, our biggest Japanese department store
… not opened for business yet.

(That’s enough pictures of empty streets. — Editor.)

In that case, shameless self-plug photo of meself:

Yours truly in the overcoat in the mirror in the cold in front of the harbour.

Yes, I wore my Berwin & Berwin overcoat (jealous?), longjohns and gloves. No cap, because it was still wet from last night.

* * *

More pictures in Part 2!

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© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2012. All images by me.

TODAY is the first day of the Chinese Year of the Salamander Dragon.

To all our Chinese, non-Chinese and assorted psychopathic friends around the world, I wish you and yours:

恭喜發財
KUNG HEI FAT CHOY
(‘Congratulations on your good fortune’)

* * *

It’s freezing here in Hong Kong!

For a person who grew up mostly in cold climes, I had to fish out:

• a woollen overcoat
• a scarf
• pair of woollen-lined leather gloves
• cotton longjohns (!) (Shurely shome mishtake? — Editor.)

And Hong Kong is a subtropical place…

* * *

Some street scenes this morning (around 9-ish):

9.47am: Streets deserted.

This street is normally chockablock with people.

The weather this morning was positively European.

London was 7°C (44°F), only two degrees lower than ours here.

Our New York City namesake Times Square — almost devoid of people.

And the probably world’s most expensive shopspace this morning.

Yours shiveringly this morning.

I’m keeping my watered-down Frank Zappa moustache for the moment because of ANOTHER moustache-growing competition down the local pub.

© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2012. All images by me.

IT WILL BE the Chinese Year of the Dragon a.k.a. the Salamander With Big Dreams in just about five hours’ time.

The Chinese New Year is for everyone, not just for the Chinese.

(Who says you can’t have two new years?)

Depending on your locale, it will be Chinese New Year at these times:

• USA: 11am Eastern Standard Time, Sunday, 22 January
• UK: 4pm GMT, Sunday, 22 January

恭喜發財

Kung Hei Fat Choy

(Congratulations on Your Fortune)

That’s how the Chinese dragon looks.

This is what a dragon looks like in real life:

Eastern Mud Salamander

© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2012.

Images: Dragon graphic via malaysiasite ♦ Salamander via Pennsylvania Herp Identification.

I’m keeping it public for the time being because I figured some of you might possibly be going through (or have gone through) a similar experience.

This post is related to somebody in my inner circle who seems to be going through a spot of bother at work.

I’m just blogging this for my own lazy benefit and also to organise my own understanding of the situation. I welcome any kind of comment or criticism from you.

Hopefully this post will also give school leavers and first-time employees an idea of working in ‘the real world.’

* * *

ALLEGATIONS

Råtta (a placeholder name) rang me minutes ago that she got a faceful of accusations from her colleague Alice (a placeholder name) while on the company bus to work today.

I quote my telephone conversation notes:

8.15am R rang that A. on the bus loudly accusing R of instigating rumours + defamatory accusations against the woman [A].

- Allegations untrue since never happened, e.g. that A broke things at ‘Charlie’ office.

- A said that R told HR Dept or made rumours alleging A. broke some sort of wall panel, couple of glasses, and couple of coffee pellets for espresso machine.

- A also said reason R retransferred from ‘Whisky’ to ‘Charlie’ office around midyear 2011 was because company wanted to get rid of R, but didn’t because A said nothing negative about R. (This to R means company been planning for some time to eliminate all ‘Charlie’ staff.)

- A said she’s “already/soon leaving [the company] because of you, so why keep saying those bad things about me?!” R said she in fact said nothing at all about A since they no longer operate together.

- R said A.’s rant in the bus highly suggests something is seriously wrong going on at work.

- R heard nothing resembling she’s being accused of saying against A.

- As A never broke anything at ‘Charlie’ office, never did anything wrong there, so sudden high state of disaffection between A and R is complete surprise to R.

- Tried to speak up, but R could not get word edgewise because A was giving R the hairdryer treatment in front of all the other company staffers on the bus.

- (Methinks: Hairdryer treatment clearly done for max. exposure.)

- Told R that if A broke nothing and did nothing wrong @ ‘Charlie’ office except for brief misunderstanding over some medical/payroll paperwork, so situ should not unravel like this.

- (Methinks: Highly suggestive of 3rd party rumouring to cause strife between them.)

- R agrees above, but couldn’t figure out who. Thought ['Whisky' staffer] possible but improbable in starting rumours, so more likely one of the old people from ‘Charlie.’

- R asked if good idea to bring matter to HR attention. Advised that is in order because of sudden onset. Needs careful explanation since A alleged mishandling at showroom being alleged at R. never in fact took place.

- R said would in fact defend A. about mishandling/breakages in ‘Charlie’ office because no such thing occurred.

- Depending on the attitude of HR Dept, might have to softly allude to possible litigation if 3rd-party rumour-mongering were found.

End 8.25am.

In other words:

Alice accuses Råtta of disinformation by reference to non-existent events or activities to at least one company department. Alice alleges the disinformation was part of a personal campaign by Råtta to discredit Alice even while Alice was making moves to leave the company.

Råtta denies the allegations because she has never undertaken any disinformation against Alice at any time, and there is no possible reason nor in her character to do so. Råtta says the events or activities mentioned in the allegations never existed.

* * *

BACKGROUNDER

(I’m writing this lot just to refresh my memory.)

Relationship between Råtta and Alice is uneasy, but not ‘tense.’ There’s a difference. Much of the uneasiness comes down to personalities.

In concise form:

1. Råtta and Alice are both 50-ish. At that age (and in our tumultuous times in a no-safety-net place like raw capitalist Hong Kong), both their job situations are precarious. And it’s more wobbly now because their company had carried out various restructurings and brought in ‘new blood,’ and that The Old Man is retiring soon.

2. Råtta has been with the company for 10 years; Alice two or three years. Ratta is office worker whereas Alice is more ‘manual’ worker. Their job functions don’t cross or overlap. Both are paid shit even for their job functions in my opinion.

3. Råtta. Not the rumour-mongering type. I know her extremely well. If anything, she’s often deaf and blind to the office politics that goes on in the typical workplace. Has some initiative, but not much beyond a support role. Brain works like a hard disk drive with auto-wipe function after use. Great at following instructions. Gets the work done precisely as wanted. And then totally forgets any kind of sensitive information after finishing. Would make fantastic support at the CIA.

4. Alice. Met her a few times before at the showroom with Råtta. Other than that, comes across a bit pugnacious in character. Not the type who likes to be ‘told’ to do things. (I’m like that too in a way, so it takes one to know one.) Nothing wrong with that, but kind of hard to deal with when sometimes ‘speed’ is of essence.

5. Alice and Råtta started off quite well. I’ve seen it for myself in the early days. Became uneasy since around late last year after some misunderstanding over some amazingly trivial matter about work. If memory serves, something urgent needed to be done by the head office. Råtta had to pass on head-office instructions to Alice, but taking care to ‘soften’ the ‘urgency’ bit because of knowing how Alice would react to being ‘told.’ No go, and the attitude soured between the two, but mostly sour on Alice’s part.

6. Company shut down the downtown showroom late last year and the two women got transferred to different parts of the head office. Basically, their paths hardly ever cross until Alice’s outburst this morning.

MY TAKE

Alice’s rant was a surprise for me too.

I’ll cut through the bollocks:

7. High degrees of consternation, disaffection, dislike — choose the words you like best — don’t occur unless the parties have been in fairly regular and/or close contact. FACT: These two women have practically nil contact with each other for months. So something else is causing Alice to make those accusations.

8. Familiarity breeds contempt. Not this time, I don’t think. Their job functions aren’t high up and don’t cross or overlap to any regular or consistent extent. One is leaving the company, the other is fearful for her job, so there’s no point. Much to lose, little to gain.

9. The allegations are crazy. Råtta isn’t capable of doing those things even if she wanted to — she’s got no blood willpower. Besides, people who are paid shit generally don’t think much beyond their immediate needs; these people have no ‘wants.’

10. That leaves one possibility — a third party is spreading pernicious hearsay to cause strife between the two. Someone somehow has gotten hip to the two women’s uneasy relationship and has been working behind the scenes to build hate between them.

11. Job takeover would be one reason for fomenting strife — and this tactic is common enough in Hong Kong. Strifing employees get sacked, ergo, bring in favoured parties to replace them.

12. Downsizing is the other possibility. Employees sacked for ‘discipline problems’ are cheaper for the company. Employees made redundant or laid off the normal way are costlier because of the need to provide various redundancy payments and benefits.

FACT: This is a favourite tactic of employers in Hong Kong and (as far as I know) in China.

FACT: They used to do the same thing in Britain during the Industrial Revolution right up to the end of Victorian times. Talk about traditional practices.

FACT: The American Revolution was also partly because of this practice, by the way.

I leave you to consider the implications of those thoughts.

My thoughts to be revised as more information comes in.

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Disclaimer: I’m old enough and worked with an enormous range of normal and strange human beings in my time to be even-handed. Just because I happen to know Råtta for a long time doesn’t necessarily (or automatically) mean I favour her side. If anything, I know her more than well enough to know it is highly unlikely that she’s doing those things. So there.

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© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2012.

Or even want to be doing what they’re supposed to.

For those who didn’t get the memo, the Internet went on strike yesterday (18 Jan.) because of two pieces of legislative faggotry in the USA called SOPA and PIPA. (Google them.)

AlterNet, a news service, has just released this story:

• Irony Alert: On Day of SOPA Protests, Guy Who Authored the Bill Broke Piracy Laws on His Own Website | AlterNet | 19 Jan 2012

To cut a long story short:

• Lamar Smith is a Republican Party senator and the author of SOPA.
• Senator Smith used a photograph for the background of his political campaign website.
• He didn’t credit the photographer or pay for the use of the photo.
• He’s now an Internet pirate.
• Well done!

Meanwhile, some facts about yesterday’s protest:

• 4.5 million people signed Google’s anti-SOPA petition (via Los Angeles Times)
• Another 1½ million people or so signed other major petitions
• 350,000 people wrote to their U.S. Congress members
• 18 lawmakers reversed their decision on the proposed legislation

That’s nearly 6½ million (6,500,000) petitioners — just under the size of Hong Kong’s population, or otherwise roughly 10% of the United Kingdom’s population.

All 6½ million got was only 18 (eighteen) politicians to change their minds for the moment. That’s a piffling number.

For those unfamiliar with the American parliamentary system, judge for yourself the numbers:

• The upper house is the United States Senate, with 100 members who each serve staggered six-year terms.
• The lower house is the United States House of Representatives, with 435 members (plus 6 non-voting members) who serve each two-year terms.
• The upper and lower houses together form the United States Congress, which is the parliament of the USA.

Does this get better or worse?

* * *

“It’s like coming up with a plan to prevent teen pregnancy that includes filling penises with cement.”

— TV host Jon Stewart on SOPA, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart,
Comedy Central channel (via)

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© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2012.