Site Update: Sister blog

This is a subscriber-only advisory and will not be posted on the blog itself.

Dear all,

Since furloughing The Naked Listener’s Weblog on 15th March, I feel tremendously flattered that many of you have pleaded with me to render it active again.

While I toss and turn in bed at night with beads of sweat dribbling from my forehead anguishing over the future viability of my main blog, might I suggest you subscribe/follow my other blog?

Learn English or Starve
“Thumbing at grammar nazis and lingo lolicons”
http://learnenglishorstarve.wordpress.com

Naturally this sister blog (‘LEOS’) is nowhere near as extraordinarily thought out or unfunnily hilarious as The Naked Listener’s Weblog.

But it more than makes up for the slack in brain-dead bias and sordid self-pwnage that are breathtakingly unbelievable, even if I do say so myself.

Indeed, I’m not arsed (BrE slang) / bothered to update it as frequently as this blog, mainly because the subject matter is so uninspiringly unmotivating and the people who care about this sort of thing are so deeply bloodyminded. Yet the expectation alone of something arising there should keep your ‘expectations’ at stratospheric altitudes.

I would have thought Teh Grammerfraggotz would launch high-altitude aerial bombardment for the content there. Strangely, there’s be zilch flak, so maybe you fine folks could help out in that department and give me one more reason to furlough LEOS as well.

Thanks all, and I look forward to your follows.

The Naked Listener

(You’re fired for drawing no flak.—Editor.)

© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2012. Image from author’s collection.

Site Updates: Furlough

FROM THE MANAGEMENT

Dear all,

The Naked Listener’s Weblog will be on furlough in around two hours’ time.

When it happens, you will see only one static page (‘About’) instead of the usual front page of five rolling blogposts.

The full menubar will also be inoperable.

I have not yet set a date for coming back, but I should like to think it would be sooner than later.

As you can see, I’m not a person who likes to surprise people. BOO!

I am very, very pleased and touched by my readers and subscribers who have put in very caring and persuasive words for me not to close up this blog.

NO NEED TO UNSUBSCRIBE

Like I say, it won’t be closed up, but on absence of leave. I need to do this to prove a point. The amended ‘About’ page will hopefully give you an idea of my ‘unhappiness.’ You can leave comments, criticisms and even hate messages there.

Readers, no need to unsubscribe. Leave it alone. It won’t affect your inbox or RSS feeds. If and when the blog is ‘re-animated,’ your still-active subscription allows me to send you site updates of the re-animation or The End of the World, whichever occurs sooner.

Come to think of it, your still-active subscription should also allow me to send you password-only posts during the furlough for which I will send you passwords in advance. I don’t know … because I don’t know yet.

YOU’RE ALL PROMOTED

Ladies and gentlemen, by the powers vested in me by myself, all of my readers are now promoted to ‘Programs’ from mere ‘human beings’ (if the human condition is anything to go by nowadays).

Thanks all, Programs! See you all later!

The Naked Listener

10.56pm local time
17°C (62°F) breezy, cool and muggy

© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2012.

Time soon to face the music…

6.11pm local time / 17°C (62°F) breezy, muggy, overcast

SING WITH ME.

SING TOGETHER NOW…

* * *

“You Get What You Give”

by The New Radicals

The YouTube video (with lyrics):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uc6jd9P1X6w

One, one, one…
One, TWO!
One, two, THREE!

Wake up kids
We’ve got the dreamer’s disease
Age fourteen we got you down on your knees
So polite, you’re busy still saying ‘please’

Frienemies, who when you’re down ain’t your friend
Every night we smash their Mercedes-Benz
First we run and then we laugh till we cry

But when the night is falling
You cannot find the light
(Light!)
If you feel your dreams are dying
Hold tight
You’ve got the music in you

Don’t let go
You’ve got the music in you
One dance left
This world is gonna pull through
Don’t give up
You’ve got a reason to live
Can’t forget
We only get what we give

I’m coming home, baby
You’re tops
Give it to me now

Four a.m. we ran a miracle mile
We’re flat broke but, hey, we do it in style
The bad rich
God’s flying in for your trial

But when the night is falling
You cannot find a friend
(Friend!)
You feel your tree is breaking
Just then
You’ve got the music in you

Don’t let go
You’ve got the music in you
One dance left
This world is gonna pull through
Don’t give up
You’ve got a reason to live
Can’t forget
We only get what we give

This whole damn world can fall apart
You’ll be okay — follow your heart
You’re in harm’s way — I’m right behind
Now say you’re mine
You’ve got the music in you

Don’t let go
You’ve got the music in you
One dance left
This world is gonna pull through
Don’t give up
You’ve got a reason to live
Can’t forget
We only get what we give
Don’t let go
I feel the music in you

Fly high … HIGH
What’s real can’t die
You only get what you give
You gonna get what you give

Dont’t give up
Just don’t be afraid to live

Health insurance ripoff lying
FDA big bankers buying
Fake computer crashes dining
Cloning while they’re multiplying

Fashion shoots with Beck and Hanson
Courtney Love and Marilyn Manson
You’re all fakes
Run to your mansions
Come around
We’ll kick your ass in!

Don’t let go
One dance left
Don’t give up
Can’t forget
Don’t…

* * *

See you ’round,
While I get myself sorted out by pound.

I’ll be back,
After I lay down the track.

Sooner or later,
Hopefully tastier than ever.

One fine day.
Whatever at me they spray.

* * *

“Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.” (Anon)

“Question your answer.” (Grandpa)

“Mountains never meet. But men do.” (Russian proverb)

© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2012.

Image via ImageFave. Listen icon by the author.

Vice, advice and assorted mice with a price

10.57pm local time / 13°C (55°F) rainy and cold that was the day before

10.18pm local time / 15°C (59°F) drizzly that woz yestahday

1.12pm local time / 17°C (62°F) f@#king ray of sunshine coming through

YOU’VE GOT THE MEMO about my furloughing this blog already.

So some people at lunch with me today yesterday Monday got to hear my side of the story and why I got so blazingly livid recently.

It’s generally easier to explain things out face to face about all the crap that has turned me into a High-Velocity Ballistic Rabbit.

Naturally, not all of the reasons for my ballisticality are related to the blog — but the blog crap “tipped it” for me, as one of the lunchmates put it rather well.

What you need to know is this: I’m not entirely unpersuadable. Frankly, judging from the words I got on this blog and from people in real life, it might actually be better for me not to furlough the blog.

My aching chest and still-wet cowboy boots would disagree. Then again, I am (semi-)famous for my horrible habit of not budging from a decision made in anger (even if it’s a bad decision). Not changing my mind — THWACK!

(Thumping on my desk right now, kicking the proverbial invisible cat, and chucking the proverbial invisible brick at the TV set.)

So I’ll be going ahead with the furlough regardless, just to prove a point. It’ll be temporary (if I’m going to be in a good mood) or something else (if I’m not).

__________

Lunchtime O’Argle-Bargle

Anyway, my lunchmates yesterday on Monday might have made some good points, I think, but I’m not in a proper frame of mind to listen properly.

Judge for yourself for me (names are just placeholder names):—

Anne: “[...] I suppose [deactivating and reactivating the blog] could be a bit of a chore. How many articles have you done so far? Nine hundred eleven?! How long did that take you? Erm, maybe —”

It took me since August 2008 on WordPress.

Bob: “— maybe you should tell these people to just [STFU]. It’s not like you’ve ever done anything to them [...]. You’re pissed off, you’re tired, your pelvis is giving you pain again — this is not the time to make big decisions.”

Ya think? Bob said those 911 posts are represent an investment in time and effort, and shouldn’t be scrubbed just because a bunch of people managed to anger me (online and in real life).

Charlie (a lawyer): “I mean, Rob, I know you’d prefer to do something else more constructive, given the choice. But how about doing something less constructive for a change, and really step on them later?”

Anne: “Actually, he might as well just — what was the word you used? — furlough it for the time being, instead of accidentally putting out something that could get you sued or something.”

Me: “Or be mysteriously silenced because [my] knowing some sensitive and illegal practices of these bankers, lawyers, accountants and officials from work.”

Anne: “You see! This’s exactly what I mean! You’re gonna end up in a war with them precisely because you’re gonna be f*ck-it-all angry enough to shoot your mouth off. Rob, the way you write, no one could tell whether you’re actually angry or not.”

I’m crazy — not that far-out crazy.

Charlie: ”Plus he’s not afraid of anything when he’s mad, which doesn’t f@#king help sometimes.”

Anne: “Just ignore these peep’l. Ye’aaah — those blog peep’l and the otherrrsss. They’re just jealous. You’ve been living in Hong Kong a bit too long for your own good. You’re starting to take on their bad habits.”

Charlie: “You shut down — hey, they win, you lose. That’s what they’re hoping for. You know this. Stay on it just to get in their face. Be a goddamn obstruction. The blog, just publish their names and details — I don’t know — pictures, whatever. Get them to sue you even. Sue them back. Just tie up their resources forever with one lawsuit after another.”

Yeah, riiiight, Charlie, like I’m loaded like you for a string of lawsuits. As if I don’t have other things to do.

Bob: “You don’t have to that [furlough the blog] because those people have been giving you a hard time. What? Your blog, it’s not a major part of your life, right? [...] Tell me you’re not one of those people [...] who can’t get laid and have to do it online with one hand on the keyboard. Shit.”

Shit. That puts it rather well, actually.

(No, I’m not a single-hand keyboarder, thank you very much.)

Bob: “Like I said, just lay off it for a while [...]“

Charlie: “Actually, there could be a case for just shooting your mouth off, in fact. I suppose — and I’m only imagining this, by the way — it could be argued as [prima facie] evidence that their conduct have led to your angry state of mind.”

Thanks a bunch. I don’t want to be prima facie’d as going out of my mind. Defence by reason of insanity usually doesn’t compare too favourably with being executed by firing squad, very slowly shot by shot from the kneecaps up, from dawn to midday.

Bob: “This guy wants revenge — don’t you, Rob? We can practically taste it in the air from here. He damn quiet now because he’s bouncing ideas off us.”

Charlie: ”Why don’t you keep a running count on them? They seem to be doing that on you.”

But. I. Don’t. Want. To. Keep. Feeding. This. Goddamn. Anger. With. A. Running. Scoreboard. Got that?

Anne: “You know what I think. Rob’s got all these rules for the rest of us, but he buggers them whenever it suits him. You need to follow your own advice.”

O rly, Anne? You calling me a hypocrite now?

Anne (looking at me): “No, actually, you’re pretty good following your own rules. Just that, you know, you break them pretty quickly too.”

No, not really, Anne. Not really.

__________

Perhaps I have been vague…

Accidentally ran into somebody I know (geddit?) who told me something.

The words were originally Chinese, but you gotta read it in an East End London Cockney accent for them to gel.

“Dun wanna know noff’ing ’bout your stuff. This blog ff’ing is for you educated types, innit?

“Why dontcha just do naice pictures from everywheah — no words — while you ff’ink about wotcha wannna do next? See ’ow long ff’ey could put up wiv it, roight? They’ll ff’ink they’ve shut you up good ’n proper.

“But they’ll be coming back, justa see whatcha up to — just to find out if yah evah back on yer game, wroitin’-like.

“Do the same ff’ing for them otha peepoe. Dun go blowin’ off on ’em, know wot I mean? Do it all sportsman-like, y’know.

“So quietly, you let ’em ’ave it in the goolies. They’ll know it’s you — but they can’t prove it — ff’ey got noff’ing on yah — but they’ll know ff’at you could ’it ’em again ’arder next time around, couldntcha? Then smack’em again even before the next time needs comin’ around.

“D’you know, do you know, I ffink you’re too polite — domesticated-like. Rough ’n tumble is wot these smarmy little pricks can’t ’andle.”

Determination. Passion. Insanity. Ballet.

Who sez them Chinese can’t speak Cockney?

__________

Enough of this claptrap

I’m not going to hear any more of this claptrap from friends and foes alike about not putting the blog on leave of absence.

They got good points. But my cowboy boots are still sopping wet.

It all just sounds too much hard work.

© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2012.

Images: Comeback via c4c | Conversation via Spoonfed | Conversation lasagne via Some Worthwhile Quotes | “Fak Awf” T-shirt via Zazzle.

The Naked Listener moves to furlough the blog

FROM THE MANAGEMENT

12.03pm local time / 12°C (53°F) cold and drizzly

The Naked Listener is making moves to furlough the blog.

Effective date is probably the Ides of March (a.k.a. 15 March 2012).

From then on, there will only be one static page for this blog (‘About’) until it is revived, if evah. Kinda depends on what I’ll be having for lunch in the next half hour.

I should hope my leave of absence is a temporary one, but it could turn out to be permanent, I’m sorry to say, considering the bad behaviour of people who:—

• troll the site
• troll me personally in real life
• send all manners of hate mail to me personally
• make derogatory insinuations about me in the real world
• make snide remarks right in my physical face

UNIQUE DISTINCTION

Generally, though, I’ve had people telling me right in my physical face that whatever I say, write, do or think are:—

• 廢話 (‘junk words’)
• 無意義 (‘pointless’)
• 無價值 (‘worthless’ or ‘without value’)
• 洋腔洋調 (to speak with a foreign accent or using words from a foreign language (usually derogatory) (idiom)

I even have the unique distinction of being accosted in the street on two separate occasions and almost threatened with physical violence if I didn’t “face facts” (unspecified) about two posts (if memory serves) that had absolutely nothing defamatory or hateful:—

• The most amazing way to change your looks | 11 Jan 2011
• What were you smoking taking stuff like this? | 07 Oct 2010

Moreover, I have had one ‘personage’ haranguing me for over a year that I should remove “Naked” from my blog name because it was “uncharitable.” It’s just totally unreal.

EXPECTATIONS

I’ve been in white-hot anger mode for quite some time, for a variety of reasons and causes that are too long and complicated to explain.

“I would appreciate it if you yourselves would step back from your cheese and crackers for a moment and tell me exactly what your standards and expectations are for my presence to be acceptable.”

I’m kind of hard of hearing on my right ear too. Why don’t you tell it to me on my left ear instead?

I’m so bloody livid right now that I might just wipe this blog away just for the lulz immediately after this post. It all depends on what I have for lunch in the next half hour.

THE LAST COUNT (AND STRAW)

She didn't mind what I wrote

At the last count, I actually, personally, unequivocally wrote 911 posts (including this one), each averaging 1,500 words (and illustrated, no less) — plus two guestposts for others and one lovely post here from a guest blogger.

I won the Versatile Blogger Award in May last year, and the BBC actually unbelievably wrote a short piece about my getting it. See the blogroll at this website.

If the absence of this blog (as well as my own physical absence) is what you want and would give you pleasure and comfort, you got it.

It might not be your loss, but it ain’t my loss either.

Nobody said I wasn’t an accommodating person. Are you?

THE GOOD PEOPLE

I am grateful to have a handful of good (and goodly) souls who have followed this blog and put in comments that I treasure. Altogether, these good followers made the whole crappy exercise actually worth the crap.

The Naked Listener

© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2012.

Images: Mr Junk Words via Wula-Life | Left ear by me | Mixtape chick via Roodo.