The Naked Listener moves to furlough the blog

FROM THE MANAGEMENT

12.03pm local time / 12°C (53°F) cold and drizzly

The Naked Listener is making moves to furlough the blog.

Effective date is probably the Ides of March (a.k.a. 15 March 2012).

From then on, there will only be one static page for this blog (‘About’) until it is revived, if evah. Kinda depends on what I’ll be having for lunch in the next half hour.

I should hope my leave of absence is a temporary one, but it could turn out to be permanent, I’m sorry to say, considering the bad behaviour of people who:—

• troll the site
• troll me personally in real life
• send all manners of hate mail to me personally
• make derogatory insinuations about me in the real world
• make snide remarks right in my physical face

UNIQUE DISTINCTION

Generally, though, I’ve had people telling me right in my physical face that whatever I say, write, do or think are:—

• 廢話 (‘junk words’)
• 無意義 (‘pointless’)
• 無價值 (‘worthless’ or ‘without value’)
• 洋腔洋調 (to speak with a foreign accent or using words from a foreign language (usually derogatory) (idiom)

I even have the unique distinction of being accosted in the street on two separate occasions and almost threatened with physical violence if I didn’t “face facts” (unspecified) about two posts (if memory serves) that had absolutely nothing defamatory or hateful:—

• The most amazing way to change your looks | 11 Jan 2011
• What were you smoking taking stuff like this? | 07 Oct 2010

Moreover, I have had one ‘personage’ haranguing me for over a year that I should remove “Naked” from my blog name because it was “uncharitable.” It’s just totally unreal.

EXPECTATIONS

I’ve been in white-hot anger mode for quite some time, for a variety of reasons and causes that are too long and complicated to explain.

“I would appreciate it if you yourselves would step back from your cheese and crackers for a moment and tell me exactly what your standards and expectations are for my presence to be acceptable.”

I’m kind of hard of hearing on my right ear too. Why don’t you tell it to me on my left ear instead?

I’m so bloody livid right now that I might just wipe this blog away just for the lulz immediately after this post. It all depends on what I have for lunch in the next half hour.

THE LAST COUNT (AND STRAW)

She didn't mind what I wrote

At the last count, I actually, personally, unequivocally wrote 911 posts (including this one), each averaging 1,500 words (and illustrated, no less) — plus two guestposts for others and one lovely post here from a guest blogger.

I won the Versatile Blogger Award in May last year, and the BBC actually unbelievably wrote a short piece about my getting it. See the blogroll at this website.

If the absence of this blog (as well as my own physical absence) is what you want and would give you pleasure and comfort, you got it.

It might not be your loss, but it ain’t my loss either.

Nobody said I wasn’t an accommodating person. Are you?

THE GOOD PEOPLE

I am grateful to have a handful of good (and goodly) souls who have followed this blog and put in comments that I treasure. Altogether, these good followers made the whole crappy exercise actually worth the crap.

The Naked Listener

© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2012.

Images: Mr Junk Words via Wula-Life | Left ear by me | Mixtape chick via Roodo.

More email inbox commentary

1pm local time / 16°C (60°F) drizzly

YES, YOU’VE NOTICED temperatures here have dropped (again) steadily from 25°C (77°F) on Monday.

It’s been an angry and upsetting week for me (if you’ve noticed at all from my scribbles this week).

Just got some email comments from real people who didn’t follow proper netiquette about leaving comments.

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The good ones (I think)

For the post “What’s it been? The Engine Room (Part 3)“:—

“These are in fact impressive ideas regarding blogging. You have touched some pleasant factors here. Anyway, keep up the writing.” — Maureen, received 09March 2012

Maureen dear, I think you’re commenting on the phat feature “You don’t blog?” because that post you were commenting on had nothing to do with blogging ideas.

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For the ever-popular post “How well do you know your guitars?“:—

“I have spent a bit of time going through your posts, more than I should have but I must say, it’s worth it!” — Rodea, 08 March

Thank you. It would’ve been even more worth it if you’d just leave your comment there at the post instead.

*

For the post “Objectivity: Just another $5 word for subjectivity“:—

“Squares don’t fit in tight circles.” — lauhon on 04 March 2012

True. But I advise you, off-post email comments don’t fit in on-site posts. Namsayin’?

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For the post “Notes: The Man Who Would Be Spy” about my late colleague:—

“I really appreciate this post. [...] ‘All that is gold does not glitter, not all those that wander are lost’ by J.R.R. Tolkien.” — kozinski on 25 Feb 2012

Actually the phrase should be, “All that glitters is not gold. All that wanders is not lost.”

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And for no post in particular:—

“In fact your creative writing abilities has inspired me to begin my own blog now.” — anonymity requested, on 23 Feb 2012

This one clearly came after reading the super-longwinded mega-brain-damaged feature “You don’t blog?“. I thanked him (profusely) that my uncreative writing inabilities has managed to inspire someone, somewhere, out there.

*

These were real messages from real people. I emailed them back and they actually replied.

Again, I asked these people why they didn’t put in their comments on the posts themselves. Nearly all replied that they preferred to remain anonymous. To which I told them the default commenting system is anonymity (notwithstanding their ‘handles’ and email address) and they could switch off their OpenID or whatever if they don’t want their gravatars shown.

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The clearly negative ones

Meanwhile I’ve gotten an earful (or eyeful, since they’re email) from some srsly hard-arsed people who hated and despised a couple of my posts recently.

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‘Not worth anything serious’

One commenter considered my “You don’t blog?” feature has been:—

“… not worth anything serious because there are people who may not wish to accept any of your recommendations for their blogs due to [sic: because of] their own requirements.” — jjchan, on 23 Feb 2012 just after the last instalment of that feature

It’s fine by me if others don’t wish to accept. My recommendations are, believe it or not, suggestions. They’re not rules that one has to abide by. Never said as such. Derp.

Like I said in my posts, only you know what’s best for your blog. You don’t have to take in my stinkin’ input.

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‘Uncharitable’

One commenter pointedly told me about my downloadables:—

“It is very uncharitable of you to make your downloads not in MS Word format as I am unable to make changes to them.” — koh29

Why the hell would you want to make changes to them?! If you wish to plagiarise them for homework, go ahead, plagiarise! Stop being a lazy f@#k and type the parts you need to plagiarise and do whatever the hell changes you want!

I’ve also explained to this personage that Microsoft Office documents contain macros (software input sequences) that some browsers and antivirus programs could interpret as being viruses. No, that didn’t gel with koh29. Your loss, not mine.

And, by the way, how is making PDF downloads “uncharitable”?

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‘Foolish things’

Another commenter really took it personally about “A little about linguanophiles“:—

“Dear Sir,

I have read your articles on your website regarding Linguists and I write to complain about your subjective bias about the discipline of Linguistics.

I do not agree with you due to [sic: because] your English is poor in grammar and spelling. Your perspective is subjective and your assessment of Linguistics is not correct because I do not believe you not [sic] studied Linguistics before and therefore you do not understand.

I believe you must apologize for saying those foolish things about Linguistics and attempt to understand more about the discipline of Linguistics as I believe it will [sic: would] assist your [own] English fluency and overall academic standard of written work.

I have also read some [other] articles on your website and under my assessment you are a poor writer and [a] poor judge of character[,] and I belive [sic] you are making our [sic] Chinese people appear [sic: look] bad because you are not Chinese so you do not understand our Chinese way[s].”

I am thoroughly humbled by your staggering standard of English-language fluency and am deeply impressed by it. And your clear and present need for attitude adjustment.

A bias is already subjective, you idiot — is there even such a thing as an objective bias? Learn your education better.

My “assessment” (as you put it) is of course not correct. After all, it was only based on my two years’ worth of linguistics training at university level. My fault, I admit. I never said, insinuated, averred, pronounced, proclaimed — choose the words you like best — that it was better or more correct than anybody else’s. It’s just my own view — and many of my readers understand and appreciate that (except you). And, of course, my English is as poor as YOURS, twithead.

If you paid any attention at all, you sonofabitch bitch, you’d notice from my About and About me pages that YOU YOURSELF is a f@#king disgrace to the Chinese race. I’m embarrassed to have you as part of my race, you little odious c@nt.

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‘Audience is Chinese’

Yet another brain-damaged commenter had to put in this general comment:

“I just do not understand why you have never written any of your post in Chinese as you are living in Hong Kong and your audience is Chinese.”

O rly? Where did you get that phantasmagorical idea that I knew how to read and write Chinese and that my audience is necessarily Chinese, my furry little friend?

Actually, I’ve done some technical sleuthing about the issue. Your problem is your browser isn’t configured for the correct Chinese encoding. That’s why you’re unable to read posts in Chinese but in (poor) English. I think you need to reconfigure your encoding and delete that folder called SYSTEM32 that’s preventing this.

* * *

Ladies and gentlemen, if you don’t like the way I drive, then show me a road on which to drive that I could meet your standards and expectations to make my presence acceptable to your esteemed requirements.

—>> My email is thenakedlistener [aroba] gmail [punto] com. <<—

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© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2012.

Images: ’I have nothing to say’ via Cascade Webdev | Pyrite via Critical Crossroad | Don’t give a f@#k via Some eCards | You can’t write via Mauradat | Brains via c4c.

What’s it been? Venting (Part 4)

FROM PART 3

This is another tl;dr instalment. Woe betide you if you forego reading it, for it contains a number of broadsides that may actually affect YOUR blogging activities.

* * *

VENTING

This is the right time to speak up.

Normally I don’t like to hit back, not especially at blogs anyway, since, as a renegade blogger myself, I know full well how brain-damaged the whole exercise can be.

But man has his limits, as Detective ‘Dirty Harry’ Calahan once put it.

____________________

A little about my personality

You need to know something about me first so you know overall why I’m venting here:—

Be surprised to learn that I’m actually a Type A personality.

You’d never thought so just by the way I mostly carry on, but many people actually think I’m a milquetoast (a timid, unassertive person for those unused to americanisms) because of the way I let things pass 99% of the time.

That is, until they get up my nose long enough. Then they find to their terror that I have a high-velocity explosive temper with a physical speed and agility to match.

• That sociologist on Job No. B08045 received my ‘hairdryer treatment’ at 50% capacity and, boy, was scared fartless.
• That pushy sonofabitch salesperson who tried to sell me barely existent 100gsm-weight coated woodfree paper for US$1,500 a reel (double the market spot price) got a faceful of my 75% temper and almost felt he was being garrotted with No. 3 Piano Wire.

But 99% of the time, I just let it be. Pushing back isn’t automatic even for Type A personalities, you know. Type A’s aren’t psychopaths. Many Type A’s are really patient, easygoing people — so that Type A/Type B theory can go straight into the dustbin.

My life is one long emergency and I don’t have the time or energy to go ballistic at the slightest provocation. I leave that to the great masses of uncontrollable animals elsewhere.

‘They are what they are’

Intellectual discussions don’t normally scare me — not even those well outside my education or training. Trust me, I’m no intellectual. I’m an educated man but I can’t speak intelligently about the habits of others engaged in intellectual discourse. But then again, if you’re like me,** just about nothing should scare you.

** A chopper biker, legally trained, mum telling you to wear long hair after she died, 37 months on crutches, two months in a neck brace, and 114 years of printing legal documents for government-approved financial scams IPOs.

Personally, I’m not terribly fond of intellectuals or academics, especially the more egregious types. They are what they are, as the Italian phrase puts it rather well. I take their facelessness at face value, enjoy their foggy and oracular discussions for what they’re worth, have a larff, and move on.

Not to bottle things up

People who know me even for five minutes will know I’m not the type who holds a grudge against anyone — for sure not over the Internet — mainly because I operate on two principles:

1. outlive them so I take pleasure in seeing them squeal and die before I do
2. die early myself so I don’t have to breathe the same air as they do

However, I tend not to bottle things up. Yet I’m not exactly disposed to implement advice like ‘Don’t hold back’ either.

Truth is, I’m 88% easier-going than 95% of Type A personalities, 77% of lawyers, or 51% of bikers (of the motorcycle variety).

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A little about 1.67%

Like I mentioned in Part 3 already, I’ve been following some 300 blogs and mailing lists of all types (via email, naturally) for (much, much) more than a year — and only 1.67% of them manages to upset me. But it’s out-and-out 99% upset.

They’re only blogs, right?! What the hell?!?

You’d be surprised just how talented some bloggers are at disruptive behaviour. You’ve got to hand it to them to actually get others to lose their rag over the Internet.

Out of my 300+ follows:

• around 50 on language, grammar and/or linguistics
• maybe 25 on various countries or other languages
• maybe 25 on China
• a dozen or so on Hong Kong
• the rest are on cool stuff that pleases me (food, drink, bikes, chicks, cats, graphic arts, travel, music, gigs, news, porn, etc).

Certain issues need to be addressed regarding 1.67% of those blogs.

Tense humour and ‘the pits’

My biggest source of dismay and consternation (in a word, distemper, in the English literary sense, not the biomedical one) have been:

• linguistics sites or blogs
• China-watching or related sites or blogs

At the meeting point between those two, the worst has been

• China-related linguistics blogs or sites from inside China written by foreigners who think they are ‘Chinese’

While I admire their confidence and knowledgeability in their own spheres, I do not admire their tense humour and the inanity of their commentary.

(I can handle racism, I can handle lack of humour, but I just can’t handle tense humour.)

It IS truly amazing that the Great Firewall of China hasn’t managed to stop those blogs from invading out onto us. Not one bit, given that that firewall has the ability to practically block sunlight.

‘They are the pits’ is my John McEnroe’esque assessment.

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A little about linguanophiles

If you care to pay any attention at all, linguistics, translation studies and pedagogy (education) are highly rigid and rigidised fields.

Of the lot, linguistics is the most rigid and rigidised.

The most hotly contested (and heated) debates in academia today are in linguistics, which fact should help you infer the type of people who populate that field.

Read the sidebar for the key reasons for intellectual rigidity and rigidisation.

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A little about comportment

The most galling thing on many of those lingo blogs is the way the bloggers and their regular dogpile of commenters actually go to extremes and deliberately exclude newcomers or those who simply hold different (though often non-dissenting) viewpoints.

I’m reminded of someone’s insight that, if The Establishment feel so fearful and threatened by a 76-year-old retired gynaecologist like Ron Paul (the American politician), there must be something seriously wrong about your turf.

Offensive antics

One of their more offensive antics is the blogger and his (usually it’s a ‘his’) favourite commenters collude behind the scenes, so to speak, to plot a comment dialogue done in such a way that’s deliberately littered with arcane technicalities that newcomers or uitlanders cannot possibly join in.

If you’ve ever been to boarding school and have constantly been abused there (not sexually, I’m embarrassed to say) or have been handed purposely designed ‘aggro’ as I have been, it becomes extremely easy how to figure out who’s colluding with who. Over time, it becomes second nature and you could do it ‘by remote,’ so to speak.

‘Uncooperative’

This pattern of bad behaviour is not one-off. It’s frequently seen in just about every academically related blog and Facebook thread that I’ve ever visited or got sucked into. The same takes place with some regularity on sites and Facebook groups that discuss sociology, translation studies and pedagogy (education).

Indeed, I myself have been solicited by some lingo bloggers or Facebookers to do just that against some unsuspecting victim. “Give ‘em a break,” I say to these characters, “We’re still young enough to do that.” And then they brand me ‘uncooperative.’

Shaken to the core

I’ve been following a variety of linguistics, language, translation, sociology and pedagogy sites for well nigh on 10 years on a regular basis — in addition to having handled their authors for print publications for roughly the same amount of time. The same repertoire of antics are repeated time and time again. I’ve learnt to time it when antics start kicking in.

It’s disgusting. It’s offensive. It’s highly prejudiced. And these people aren’t even aware that they’re doing this themselves.

I lose my rag, and I really do have it in me to tell them to f@#k off, go to hell, and don’t come back.

Any inherent faith inside you in the goodness of people easily becomes shaken to the core because of seeing or knowing that.

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A little about grace, if not face

The English aristocracy are famous for their grace — the ability to make a person feel really welcomed.

Clearly, the people who run blogs about linguistics, language, sociology, pedagogy and translation studies did not know how to learn that.

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Such swell intellectualism, and yet ignorant of these simple rules:—

The Golden Rule
Treat others as you yourself like to be treated.

The Silver Rule
Don’t treat others in ways that you wouldn’t like to be treated.

Not unless you’re a sado-masochist, in which case you WOULD enjoy begging to receive pain whilst also enjoying being refused it.

Try mine:—

The Naked Listener’s Malleable Copper Alloy Rule
Go easy on those who think, speak, eat and shat differently than you do because they don’t necessarily have your loaf, gob, eating irons or your porcelain shatware.

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A little about face-off

Sometimes there’s just no way out.

The Naked Listener offers some timely advice:—

The Wax-On/Wax-Off Maxim
“That is the way I do things. If you don’t like it, then find me a driver who WILL comply with the way I do things.”

The English Displeasure and Reprisal-in-Kind Rule
“If my presence here is not up to your standards or expectations, I would appreciate it if you be so kind as to step away from your cheese and crackers for a minute and tell me directly what your requirements or particular preferences are for my presence to be acceptable.”

And remember this:

“If you tolerate this, your children will be next.” (English proverb)

____________________

Your question now must be, why continue with them?

That question is perhaps easier to answer if you care for broadly aimed broadsides in the next part.

____________________

UP NEXT IN PART 5: BROADSIDES

© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2012.

Images: Keep Calm/Screw Calm via Sarah C. | ”I have nothing to say” via Cascade Web Development | Good Habits/Bad Habits Signpost via Marketing Leadership Council | ”Once we hit capacity…” via Eddie Codel/Flickr.

You see, you see, told you so

IT ISN’T USUAL that The Naked Listener could beat established writers in coming out with a first.

Remember that bit about the ‘About’ page for your blog or website in You don’t blog? (3/5)?

I’m chuffed to the bollocks* to say I beat Erica V‘s latest post about the importance of having an About page in The Daily Post at WordPress.com by a clear six days.

* To borrow Harold Pinter‘s words.

Of course, her original article “The Blogger Behind the Curtain” (15 Nov 2011) beat my megalomaniacal effort by weeks, but we’ll let that inconvenient detail pass.

Okaaaayyy, it’s a half-first then.

Just two thoughts from the experts:

“This is what makes us human and relatable.”
— the island traveler, commenting in ‘The Blogger Behind the Curtain’

and:

“I’ve seen many terrible pages — long, rambling treatise of the blogger’s life, or pages so short and obscure that one wonders if the blogger is in the witness protection program.”
— Huffgirl, commenting in same thread

You see, you see, told you so.

© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2012.

Image by Deborah Warrick of St. Augustine, Florida via AARP.

You don’t blog? (Bonus finale)

FROM PART 5

NO, THIS IS NOT A JOKE. This is the bonus finale to the ‘You don’t blog?‘ series.

* * *

Bonus protip:
BE NICE

Even if you’re not a blogger yourself, be nice to friends or family who are.

If not nice, at least be unobjectionable.

Just because your sneering academically inclined attitude considers blogging isn’t serious writing doesn’t necessarily mean blogging isn’t. Can you yourself put out stuff like they can? There’s your answer.

DO

Make a snack for your friend or family member while he or she is furiously whacking out a story on the filthy, cigarette-ash encrusted keyboard. The Venetian Pauper’s Blood Orange Salad comes highly recommended. At the very least, bring him or her a cup of joe and tissues for wiping tears, for pete’s sake.

Some grumpy shiteheads actually complain about being brought a snack to them because they say it’s their policy not to eat or drink while writing. Then lace their next meal with arsenic.

DO

Blog happily, otherwise it’s not worth the time and pain.

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RESOURCES

Creating image files from documents and webpages

ImagePrinter (or Virtual ImagePrinter) 2.0.1 by Ibadov Tariel
http://code-industry.net/imageprinter.php
Windows 2000 and higher | Freeware (0.9 MB download)
This highly useful printer driver outputs any kind of document (MS Word, webpage) into image format (.bmp, .png, .jpg, .tiff). Extremely easy to use: you just select ‘ImagePrinter’ like you would any physical printer.

Image viewer/editor

IrfanView
http://www.irfanview.com
Windows XP and up | Freeware (1.45 MB download)
One of the world’s top image viewers with ability to edit/manipulate images. It can also handle a variety of other tasks (special effects, reading PDFs, etc) if the IrfanView plugins (8.90 MB) are also installed.

Reading PDFs

Adobe Acrobat Reader
http://get.adobe.com/reader
Windows | Mac | Freeware (66.49 MB download)
The most widely used but it’s bloatware and the loading time is pretty long. Below are better alternatives.

Foxit PDF Reader
http://www.foxitsoftware.com/Secure_PDF_Reader/feature.php
Windows | Linux| Freeware (13.9 MB download)
Almost instantaneous file loading. Install requires only a small hard-drive capacity. (No screenshots.)

Sumatra PDF Reader
http://blog.kowalczyk.info/software/sumatrapdf/free-pdf-reader.html
Windows XP and up | Freeware (4.5 MB download)
Another small, portable PDF reader. Simple user interface and lightning-fast startup. Can read PDF, XPS (similar to PDF), DjVu (scanned documents), CHM (compiled HTML), CBZ and CBR (comic book archive) files.

Mac OS X
The Mac operating system has in-built PDF display capability, so no additional software needed.

Creating PDFs in Windows

PDFCreator v1.2.3 by Philip Chinery and Frank Heindörfer
http://sourceforge.net/projects/pdfcreator
Windows | Freeware (18.16 MB download)
A PDF printer driver to create PDFs from any Windows program. Outputs your webpage and documents to PDF. Basically, Windows will recognise this virtual printer just like any physical printer: only the output will be in PDF.

Creating PDFs in Mac OS X

You don’t need to own Adobe Acrobat. You can print documents, webpages or nearly anything else in PDF directly from Mac OS X 10.6.x (‘Snow Leopard’) without any additional software. It’s built into the operating system.

1. Open the document and press Command+P
2. Click the ‘PDF‘ button at the bottom left corner of the print dialogue box
3. Select ‘Save as PDF‘
4. Click ‘Save‘ in the save dialogue box in whatever location your want

For Microsoft Word, PowerPoint and Excel files, just open them in their own apps (say, TextEdit, images in iPhoto). Then click File menu > Print > PDF in printing dialogue box > Save as PDF > choose folder and set filename.

For printing PDFs of email messages and webpages, you must use the Safari browser. Then click File menu > Print > PDF in printing dialogue box > Save as PDF > choose folder and set filename.

Editing PDFs (all platforms)

Inkscape
http://www.inkscape.org
Windows XP and up | Mac | Linux | Freeware (35.7 MB download)
An vector graphics editor that will open and edit PDFs. Inkscape is especially useful when your PDF contains vector-based illustrations that require editing. Open Source.

Foxit
http://www.foxitsoftware.com
Windows | Commercial software
Foxit produces a number of Windows programs for reading and editing PDFs. The PDF editors there are paid programs.

Windowsfags say FoxitPro Business (a commercial program) is better than the original Adobe product for creating and editing PDFs.

Macfags disagree and say PDF Studio 7 Pro or Standard (US$85) from Qoppa Software (http://www.qoppa.com) is the PDF read, writeover and securing capabilities going, plus it runs on Mac, Windows and Linux platforms.

REALITY CHECK: Adobe Acrobat is still tops when you need full read and writeover capabilities, but the prices are just phenomenal.

Editing PDFs in Mac OS X

Preview is an app built into every Mac OS X Snow Leopard installation for displaying images and PDFs. As a PDF editor, Preview is somewhat basic but gets the job done for most purposes. It allows you to make all sorts of annotations to PDFs. You can draw shapes and write text directly to PDF files (for things like a digital signature).

Editing PDFs online

Many online PDF editors or form-fillers allow PDF editing but only let you to save non-printable PDFs. The non-printable PDFs are made printable after online payment. These two don’t do things like that:—

PDFescape
http://www.pdfescape.com
A free online PDF reader, editor, form-filler and form designer. You only need a browser. Will not handle files over 2 MB or 50 pages. The final PDF document is printable and have no watermarks.

PDFfiller
http://www.pdffiller.com
Another online PDF form-filler that can handle some edits. Printable results.

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Timeplanning

Timeplanner sheets (A4 size, designed by me)
Download here (152 kB, pdf).

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Language usage (general)

The Complete Plain Words
by Sir Ernest Gowers (1948) and revised by Bruce Fraser (1973)
(Published by Her Majesty’s Stationery Office, UK, 1973)

A classic. And miles better than Strunk & White a.k.a. ‘Struck with Fright’ or ‘Drunken Blight’ (an abortion in comparison with Gowers).

Let’s clear the air: ”Plain Words” is NOT a style guide to British English as Strunk & White is to American English, as many [American] linguanophiles (and Wikipedia) mistakenly believe. “Plain Words” is simply a guide to clearer writing, no more, no less.

Gowers wrote: ”The purpose of this book is to help officials in their use of written English as a tool of their trade.” Gower was once head of the UK Internal Revenue Board, so you can appreciate why he wanted British civil servants to express things very clearly when they had to write to the general public on a matter of high complexity to the most of us. It’s also why the book was well-received by many for general writing right from the start.

The linguistics of “Plain Words” mix the prescriptive and the descriptive, which allows grammatical extremists (meaning 99% of linguistics-trained people plus 100% of grammar nazis) to ascribe Gowers a place in the opponent camp (that is, against Strunk & White, which IS a prescriptivist guide).

(Also slotted into Gowers’ camp by grammarfags is A Dictionary of Modern English a.k.a. “Fowler’s Modern English Usage” by Henry Fowler, Oxford University Press, 1926-2009.)

Language usage (for non-English speakers)

Practical English Usage (3rd edition, 2005)
by Michael Swan
(Published by Oxford University Press, 1980, 1995, 2005)

This book sold over 1½ million copies since the first edition in 1980, so it is a major-league usage guide.

Interestingly, this is a standard reference and only one about English usage aimed at foreign learners and non-English speakers who have to speak or write in English. It gives the basics of English grammar and usage, and helpfully focuses on words that for some reason are hard to use by non-native speakers. The model is basically British English, but the author highlights some of the stylistic differences (therefore faggotry) between British and American usage (e.g. the americanised use of ‘like’ as a conjunction such as in ‘like I do’ making headway into British English).

My own opinion is that even native English speakers should read this book because heaven knows I’ve seen too many native speakers more than enough times bungle their own language.

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Anything else is just superfluous and pointless for blogging.

Whatever you do, forget the grammar, language and linguistics blogs. They’ll only make your blogging (and general language ability) worse than bad.

You have been warned.

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This 6-part series of articles was written by The Naked Listener, with no contributions from anybody other than the images pilfered (but accredited nonetheless). Any reference bearing any similarity to any person(s) living or dead or half-living or half-dead is purely coincidental and unintentional, although the possibility is enormously hilarious. And this is what a shirttail looks like. Heh.

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© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2012.

Images: ImagePrinter screenshot via Code Industry | Foxit PDF Reader via Foxit Software | Sumatra PDF Reader via Sumatra PDF | PDFCreator screenshot via PDFCreator | Mac OS X Preview via Wikipedia | Inkscape via Inkscape | Everything else by the author.