Leave me alone with the crowd around me

AND THERE’S ALWAYS SOMEONE who had to ask that question. THAT question. You know, That Question.

If you’re young and still in school/college/uni, either you get asked That Question, or you don’t. (You usually don’t.)

If you’ve gone back to school/college/uni/studying, sooner or later (usually sooner) some bozo out there will start asking That Question out of the blue. Usually during your mealbreak.

That Question is the one question that almost instantly alters your entire perception of everybody else around you.

‘Can I move in with you and share the rent and stuff?’

Man or woman, boy or girl, bozo or bozo-ess, That Question makes you think, gee, I must be a nice, popular person, otherwise no one is going to bother to ask me.

Truth be told, getting asked That Question actually means you might just be looked upon generally as ‘a mark’ — the intended victim for hustling and sundry swindling. Good for skivving (evading, pawning) off assorted responsibility onto by your peerless peers.

I’ve been asked That Question once or twice before, so that admission alone doesn’t exactly inspire much confidence about my character. Not that I’m saying I’ve now gone back to school or anything like that — I had gone back to school before, and every time, sooner or later, That Question crops up.

How to you deal with that? That’s what a colleague’s kid, now college-aged, was hoping to find out from me the other day.

So The Naked Listener is pleased to offer this lifehack for those facing That Question:

LIFEHACK

Let’s scout out the general situation first. The first salvo to That Question is usually:

Do you live on your own? By yourself? What’s your place like?
So you get family or relatives coming over often, right?

Brace yourself. The main force of That Question is coming at you very soon now, with the most usual variants being:

Can I move in with you and share the rent and stuff? (1 above)

Can we share a place together and split the expenses? (2)

How d’you feel, say, if I move in with you for (x) weeks until
I get back on my feet and find my own place? (3)

How about you let me move into your place? I’m just
one guy/gal and don’t have a lot of kit. I only need
a bed and bathroom, that’s all, so maybe that’s alright then, okay? (4)

I’m looking for a place right now, but I would like
to live at your place instead, but, of course,
I’ll share the rent and expenses with you. (5)

Rivers begin to form on your forehead now, especially if you’re the type who tends to ‘sweat things out.’

Whatever you do, don’t answer it like this:

‘Err, sorry, I can’t. I ‘ve got these family people coming over
all the time and I need the place to put them up for.’

‘Actually, I’m not entirely living alone, ‘cos my boyfriend/girlfriend
is more or less living with me.’

‘I don’t think it’s possible, because my place is really, really
small — good for one person, really.’

‘Sorry, I’d love to, but I do lots of home entertaining,
and it’s just a bit difficult with you …’

Basically, you end up humming and harring your way out with those. Which don’t work. You’ll be pestered literally for days or even weeks with That Question. Because people who ask That Question are determined individuals.

Now, the juicy bit. This is how you should answer to stop the nonsense (in sequence, if you’re facing a really determined individual):

Protip: Don’t apologise or use words like ‘sorry,’ ‘in fact,’ ‘actually’ or the like. State things matter-of-factly.

1. “You should’ve asked earlier. I’ve already promised Harry from the [whatever] Department couple of nights ago. Do you know Harry yourself? He’s coming to sign the papers with me this weekend.”

2. “What year were you born? So you’re [age] then. That won’t do. My minimum age for shacking up with is [whatever + 7 years].”

3. “What’s your income like? What’s your job? You have a bank account with which bank did you say?”

4. “You do realise you have to sign a subtenancy with me, otherwise I’d be in breach of my own lease with the landlord. It’s really wonderful of the landlord, such a nice man … letting me sign a lease that allows subtenants … can’t ask for more from anyone … so fair and understanding of the landlord … can’t afford to jeopardise my lease, you understand … blah … blah-blah … blah-blah-blah.”

5. “Yeah, move in, as soon as you pay me the three months’ deposit that my landlord stipulates in my lease from subtenants … and I’m pretty sure you’ll be fine when my landlord gets to meet you and looks you over for his approval.”

Works like a charm, mate, works like a bleeding charm.

No, you refuse even this

© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2011.

Images: Upgrade Your Life via One More Coffee Stain ♦ Chick in white lingerie via c4c.

The perfect day

Say it or shut up right now

Rules of fashion according to /b/tards

Most fashion magazines don’t know shit about fashion. They’re mostly into accessorizing.

Here are the rules of fashion accord to our friendly neighbourhood /b/tards:

Rule #1. The way you dress is the way you market yourself to the opposite sex. Take a look at the pic. The young man looks approachable and respectable. BUT OH NOES – HE’S WEARING A GRAPHIC TEE + BLAZER! Looking like this, the man will get more pussy than all of you put together (BTW, I’m talking about ATTRACTIVE women here; nerdy, artsy, fugly virgin girls don’t count :-)).

“I love how you guys complain about girls not wanting to sit next to you on buses. Have you ever wondered why that is? It’s because you look like you’re fucking 30. It’s creepy.

“My advice to you: STOP TRYING SO HARD. I’m not saying everybody go buy ironic tees, Lacoste polos, Hallister sweaters and cargo pants. When you’re out shopping, don’t do what /fa/ would think. Buy clothes that you are comfortable with. Don’t feel like wearing a scarf with your peacoat? Don’t wear it then. Want to wear light jeans and a graphic tee? Go right ahead.

“Just remember, if girls don’t want to sit next to you on buses, YOU’RE DOING SOMETHING WRONG!”

* * *

What’s with the bus fetish of yours?

Nobody’s ever said anything about buses, go back to /r9k/ or wherever you whiny faggots go. You’ve shown you know nothing about fashion, relationships, women, buses or /fa/. Quit projecting your problems onto us.

* * *

It’s like, dress like a prick (suit jacket and jeans, the worst combination ever) and you might get laid by some dumb fucking whore that doesn’t know fuck all about fashion and looking good.

And the OP… I’m assuming he’s one of the people that sees and a blazer and a pair of jeans and thinks…

People really take /fa/ as FACT OF LIFE rules? Hurr durr, take the advice with a pinch of salt and modify it to suit yourself.

When you ask for advice from anon under any circumstances, you’re asking for advice from grumpy anon, bored anon, downright honest anon, and somewhere in the mix, nice anon. Not everybody is telling the truth, the nice of nasty ones. But isn’t it more interesting to get a more honest opinion than you’ll get from your friends?

* * *

Change the sheep to dumb scenefags, ‘cool’ videogamers, goths, fat cosplayers and stupid hipsters and you are correct.

If you take this advice, you’re fucking retarded, FYI. And sage for obvious troll(s).

* * *

Change the sheep to dumb fat cumsluts who don’t want to post their pics (because they’re afraid of being mocked), ‘ugly’ videogamers (pimple faces), wannabe goths, batshit insane cosplayers and fags who pretend to be hipsters and you aren’t even close to /fa/ level yet. I wear clothes for my self actually…

* * *

The opposite sex is pretty much rule 3 to me:

Rule #1 – Dress how I want.
Rule #2 – Try to look better than everyone else.
Rule #3 – Dress well for the opposite sex.

* * *

My advice on fashun is to take chances, makes mistakes, and get wemon to sit next to you on the bus.

I dress like a hipster and plenty of chicks hit on me. And by hipster I mean western shirts, raw denim and plimsolls. Ironic t-shirts are passé.

By the way, guys, a blazer and blue jeans is a pretty okay casual combination. Fuck the “message” − it plain looks good. It’s not, however, good for anything formal.

* * *

(A) Style and fashion are different.

(B) Marketing yourself to the opposite sex is not the general aim of fashion. I mean, honestly, if we break down the demographics here, it would be better to say that you are marketing yourself towards the same sex. And that isn’t what fashion is, either.

And what the fuck is up with buses? I haven’t been on a bus in my entire life. I doubt I’m missing anything.

Also you don’t need to try too hard, but trying is what shows you care. That’s why some of us do it – to show the rest of the world that we do care. We care about how we look and what we present to the rest of the world. We take pride in how we look.

That, man, does not look “approachable and respectable.” He looks like a fob who got lost in the Salvation Army.

TL;DR: Fashion is culture writ small.

* * *

Elitism and snobbery? Ha-ha, you must’ve never been to honestforum and the fashion spot. It’s all smiles and virtually no negative criticism.

* * *

There’s only one rule to fashion, honestly. Wear what suits you. That way, you’ll always look good.

* * *

Styleforum is obviously filled with retards; this is the definitive proof we’ve all been searching for.

* * *

PROTIP: Never let a gay man dress you if you are heterosexual.

You’ll look like a faggot and everyone will assume you are gay. This is fine for the gay people that dressed you, but not if you’re hoping to get hot chicks. /fa/ is full of /fa/ggots as they are always more obsessed with fashion. Just be wary.

* * *

Yeah, because every fag is the same, and has the same taste, and because every cakeboy wants to be a girl.

Or were you forgetting that probably half of your /fit/ pals are gay? Gay for some nice bodybuilders in Affliction?

* * *

Ok, not everyone there dresses like that. That was just an example of a non-formal fit.

Yeah, most of their pieces are more expensive but you are paying for the quality, fit and brand exclusivity. Its
like … you could always wear a cheap T-shirt from American Apparel or something, but if you want to pull off a nice casual look, some thought has to go into it. A Dior tee or maybe RAF Simons tee would really show off your sartorial sense.

(via the chans, 18 March 2010)

Are you the waiting kind?