Lifehack: Self-defence (gropes)

Sunday 5 October 2008, 3.48pm HKT


For men: Welcome to the modern world. Attacker grabs your balls or dicky (or both). Imperative that you act before pain sets in. Prise into attacker’s little finger, bend it out, and BREAK IT. Anyone who grabs your goolies, I assure you, won’t mind it broken. You have to pay back the complement – it’s just plain good manners.

For women: Harder, but doable. One sharp slap into attacker’s ear to give permanent deafness. Complement the attacker on the amazingly healthy colour of his/her blood as it spews out from the nose and eyes.

Disclaimer: In both cases, you should consider hiring a good criminal defence lawyer for your defence. In law, you are as much to blame for the attack as the attacker.

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