30 things PORN teaches us

Saturday 20 March 2010, 6.24am HKT


If you look around long enough, you’ll come to realise how pants-on-head retarded we’ve been conditioned:

(Adult-like language in here. Reader discretion advised – never mind, you’re probably worse than I am …)

* * *

1. Women wear high heels to bed.

2. Men are always rock hard and ready to go.

3. When going down on a woman, 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she won’t scream with embarrassment but, rather, insist he have sex with her.

5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.

* * *

6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.

7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.

8. Women always orgasm when men do.

9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

10. All women are noisy fucks.

* * *

11. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman’s butt.

12. Men always groan “Oh Yeah!” when they cum.

13. If there is two of them, they high-five each other (and the girl isn’t disgusted!).

14. Double penetration makes women smile.

15. People in the ’70s couldn’t fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.

* * *

16. Asian men don’t exist.

17. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won’t have even the slightest problem with you jamming your cock in his girlfriend’s mouth.

18. Nurses suck patients’ cocks.

19. Men always pull out.

20. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she’ll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking both of you.

* * *

21. Women never have headaches … or periods.

22. When a woman is sucking a man’s cock, it’s important for him to remind her to suck it.

23. Arseholes are clean.

24. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man’s trouser and find a cock there.

25. Men don’t have to beg.

* * *

26. When standing up during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman’s head and the other proudly on his hip.

27. Every guy has a penis as big as Peter North’s.

28. All women are completely bald.

29. Any girl with pigtails is a teen.

30. Any other girl is a MILF.

* * *

(Don’t blame/flame me for this. I only got told this … Just leave a comment to let off steam.)

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