Top 10 sex tips for senior citizens
Monday 25 October 2010, 10.02am HKT
1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.
2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.
3. Set the mood with lighting (turn them ALL OFF!).
4. Make sure you put 999 on speed dial before you begin.
5. Write your partner’s name on the back of your hand in case you can’t remember.
6. Use extra poly grip so your dentures don’t end up under the bed.
7. Have painkillers ready (like Tylenol, Aspirin) in case you actually complete the mission.
8. Make all the noise you want — the neighbours are deaf, too.
9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!
10. Don’t even think about trying it twice.
* * *
‘OLD” is when …
… your sweetie says, “Let’s go upstairs and make love,” and you answer, “Pick one; I can’t do both!“
… your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.
… going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
… you don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.
… you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
… “getting a little action” means you don’t need to take a laxative today.
… “Getting lucky” means you find your car in the parking lot..
… an “all nighters” means not having to get up from sleep to use the bathroom.
… you ain’t sure if these are facts or jokes.
(via email, 25 Oct 2010)