Forlorn of good news

Wednesday 1 December 2010, 8.25pm HKT

On the inability to surprise someone in a happy way:

“After such a long a time, I wanted to phone her with some kind of happy surprise. Like some kind of happy, happy news to make up for all the lost and wasted time between us.

I was thinking up things to get a move on with my problems and shit, you know, getting my act together. This is going to be the last year for us if I don’t get a move-on.

I just wanted to call and say something like, Yay! I’m free! I’m free now. We can be together! That crap has gone away! Everything’s fine now!

I just wanted to say that so much, so very much.

I just wanted to say those words to give her a nice, happy surprise. Just to mend those years she waited for me.

Will I ever get to say those words?

* * *

It really isn’t a pretty sight to see a grown man weeping his heart out.

A man alone, without an anchor, can be highly self-destructive even without doing a thing.

(2.23am, 17 Nov 2010)

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