Wot’s a Wabbit?

Thursday 3 February 2011, 11.01pm HKT


So we’ve entered the year of the Hare Rabbit Wabbit. What’s it like?

The trick is to look at the year personified.

* * *

A little pointless biology first

Know the difference between wabbits and hares?

Karl Szmolinsky and his 10kg German Giant Grey Rabbit. Photo: Patrick Pleul/dpa-Bildfunk

Rabbits:

  1. smaller than hares
  2. larger than pikas (yup, pikas are part of the rabbit/hare family)
  3. shorter ears than hares
  4. lives underground in a burrow
  5. lives in groups
  6. born hairless and blind
  7. practically domesticated (but not quite)
  8. Hongkongers think wabbit is a pet and only a pet
  9. the rest of the world knows wabbit is food, usually roasted or taken apart for breading (crumbing) or frying
  10. rabbit meat is a fine-grained, mild-flavoured meat, cleaner and healthier than any other meat

Hares:

  1. larger than wabbits and much larger than pikas
  2. longer ears
  3. lives overground on a patch of flattened grass
  4. doesn’t live in groups
  5. born fully furred and eyes open
  6. have black markings on fur
  7. never been domesticated
  8. like rabbit meat, usually roasted or teased apart for breading or frying
  9. jugged hare is a great English dish (love it)
  10. hare is a staple in Maltese cuisine

Pikas:

  1. can’t be bothered to write: read it here [link]

The question you got to ask yourself, are you a wabbit or a hare or a pika?

* * *

Wabbit year at a glance

More peaceable is only skin-deep; still out of control in the background.

Year 2011 is a Metal Wabbit year, the year of the angry wabbit. The last Wabbit year was 12 years ago, so folks born in 1999-2000 are Earth Wabbits.

  1. peace or at least a respite from the tumult of 2010
  2. a relatively calmer year, but also means nations become more insular and have a tendency to lock down their borders to protect from ‘others’
  3. Wabbits will have a slightly more stressful year in 2011 than others
  4. Wabbits and compatibles (Sheep, Dog, Pig) will find 2011 more inspiring in personal and professional success
  5. other cattle animal signs will suffer by degree, depending on how adaptable they are to the ‘flow’ of the world mood around them personally and at large
  6. Wabbits in a Wabbit year will do everything in his/her power to restore harmony (or else will leave the scene)
  7. wear something red on the first day of the Chinese new year (3rd Feb)

Wabbit year for all other animal signs:

Wait for the next instalment of this post. The Naked Listener will give the blow by blow for each of the animal signs for 2011. Hey, it’s just basic blog promo, namsayin’?

Famous Wabbits

Dead Wabbits

  1. Queen Victoria of Great Britain (1819-1901)
  2. Joseph Stalin (1878-1953)
  3. Leon Trotsky (1879-1940)
  4. Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
  5. King Olav V of Norway (1903-91)
  6. Johannes Vorster (1915-83), former prime minister of South Africa
  7. Frank Sinatra (1915-98)

Living Wabbits

  1. David Rockefeller (born 1915: 95 years old)
  2. Fidel Castro (born 1926: 84 years old)
  3. King Bhumibol Adulyadej of Thailand, a.k.a. Rama IX (born 1927: 83 years old)
  4. David Frost (born 1939: 71 years old)
  5. Johnny Depp (born 1963: 47 years old)
  6. Brad Pitt (born 1963: 47 years old)
  7. Whitney Houston (born 1963: 47 years old)
  8. Angelina Jolie (born 1975: 35 years old)
  9. David Beckham (born 1975: 35 years old)
  10. Tiger Woods (born 1975: 35 years old)

Material identifiers

The tell-tale signs of a Wabbit:

Adores

  1. likes to wear loose comfortable clothing of superb cut and fabric
  2. cashmere sweaters, pure silk blouses and durable linens and tweeds
  3. mink or chinchilla carelessly thrown over the shoulder in a calculated air of nonchalance is signature Wabbitness

Hates

  1. hates flashyedgygeometric or shocking designs (offend the Wabbit’s sense of conformity and balance)
  2. hates synthetic materials on body and in surroundings

N.B. This is from careful observation, not from mythological/zodi-maniacal drivel.

Wabbit traits

Calm, gentle, kind, persistent, pacifist, realist, opportunist, subversive

Traditional Chinese zodiac drivel mythology geomancery research agree on the age-old attributes and associations for Wabbits. From then on, the information disintegrates to a patchwork of contradictory and self-contradictory prognostications.

The Naked Listener’s Weblog presents below the most authoritative version as a public service, based on years of infinite lying empirical field observations and theoretical validation.

Traditional Wabbit attributes and associations, according to traditional Chinese astrological drivel calculations:

  1. 4th location of the 12-animal cycle
  2. ruling hours 5am to 7am (read: you slumber through your best hours)
  3. ruling direction is East
  4. ruling season is Spring
  5. ruling month is March
  6. fixed element is Wood (read: you can get burnt)
  7. stem is Negative (whatever the hell that means)
  8. gemstone is Aquamarine (a blue or turquoise-coloured variety of beryl)
  9. ruling colours are green and aqua
  10. roughly equivalent Western sign is Pisces
  11. ruling polarity is Yin

Surface qualities:

  1. keywords: calm, gentle, persistent
  2. longevity (read: more of the same come-ever-lastingly)
  3. graciousness
  4. good manners
  5. kindness
  6. soft spokenness (read: mumbler)
  7. sound counsel and good judgment
  8. reserved and artistic
  9. enjoys peace, quiet and a congenial surroundings (read: don’t bother me with your silly-arsed problems)
  10. above all, an intellectual, a realist and a pacifist
  11. in short: a well-mannered, soft-spoken, lifelong pacifist who intellectualises things but is enough of a realist to not get hands dirty

Inner qualities:

  1. a sympathetic ear second only the the Sheep
  2. excellent soother and compassionate listener, but never more than a passive adviser
  3. attuned to things beautiful (read: insensitivity to that which doesn’t match the Wabbit’s concept of ‘beautiful’)
  4. leads  a tranquil life (read: the rest of you can pick up the slack after me)
  5. good scholarly thoroughness (read: everything happens in the head and everything conveniently/intellectually pigeonholed)
  6. flexible beliefs
  7. as graceful and nimble as a diplomat or politician (read: disingenuous)
  8. no inborn warrior mentality (more at effective working behind the scenes)
  9. cannot be expected to go out with colours flying and do battle for you
  10. the opposite of the Dragon, Dog, Tiger or Rooster (who all enjoy or even thrive on a hearty fight now and then)
  11. doesn’t pursue lofty ideas: main objective in life is simply self-preservation

Negative qualities (depends, really):

  1. inclined to be moody
  2. sometimes appear detached from surroundings or indifferent to others
  3. a reputation for being weak (because of a love of ease and a distaste for conflict)
  4. self-indulgent
  5. values own self above all else
  6. opportunistic
  7. a knack for playing both sides for insurance
  8. weaker Wabbits are obsessed with security (read: no Wabbits in high-risk undertakings)
  9. when pushed too far (and it doesn’t take much), will dump anyone or anything that disrupts the calm of the Wabbit’s existence
  10. if you’re turning out to be a wee much of a nuisance, count on the Wabbit to make a quick but graceful exit from YOUR life (“you bug me, I walk”)

The Wabbit guy

Just like the picture of Dorian Grey, only cleaner.

The Wabbit chap is singularly debonair and gravitates towards the crème de la crème of society and gentlemanly leisure (who are mostly Wabbits anyway).

  1. moves with grace, charm and gentlemanliness
  2. admired for suaveness and intelligence
  3. sought after for sensible advice
  4. while singing your praises, he’s also drinking all your best wine
  5. can be over-imaginative, oversensitive or just acidly indifferent
  6. avoids contact with human suffering or misery (as if it were highly contagious disease)

Closest character: cross between the character Dorian Grey and actor Cary Grant.

The Wabbit woman

Great company, but on her terms.

The Wabbit gal is great to work with, shop with or just tell stories with. She is delightfully warm and witty, and her company is always relaxed in her presence.

  1. demure
  2. considerate and understanding with friends
  3. has lots of energy for the things she likes to do
  4. can tirelessly track down wants and needs to the last detail
  5. when she feels she has had enough of any rigmarole, she drops whatever she is doing on a dime
  6. in any situation, she is always in control of herself and highly observant of the smallest of details
  7. takes in all the stories and gossip, but returns very little

Closest character: cross between Audrey Hepburn in Lunch at Tiffany’s and Diana Riggs in The Avengers and Melinda Gates (wife of Bill).

The Wabbit kid

Sweet and obedient, even if it’s for appearances’ sake.

The Wabbit child is obedient, with a sweet disposition and even-tempered. The kid conforms to expectations, which calls into question if the kid is truly as obedient and sweet as he/she seems.

  1. helpful in the home
  2. little or no trouble fitting in at school
  3. takes to lessons well and with ease
  4. well-liked and accepted in all circles
  5. may or may not be talkative but won’t be rowdy or offensive
  6. light sleeper
  7. frets and fidgets a lot in sickness
  8. sensitive to the moods of parents and act accordingly (read: to appear good and goodly for appearances’ sake, which may not reflect reality)
  9. can sit quiet and concentrate on own stuff at any time (read: self-absorbed)
  10. easy to discipline (because of high need for ‘face’)
  11. takes reprimands with an air of defiant indifference
  12. despite better-than-average manners, Wabbit children are argumentative in their own soft-spoken way
  13. knows way around people and problems
  14. able to appreciate both sides of an argument quickly and debate either way convincingly (read: doublethink)
  15. thoughts or deeds are hard for others to decipher
  16. smooth at masking inner feelings
  17. will say only that which would please you (read: cunning)
  18. able to protect possessions
  19. remarkably observant so able to calculate chances for having own way
  20. no direct resistance to rules: will devise subtle ways around them
  21. in face of setbacks, will patiently restart from square one (read: reinvents the wheel)
  22. in short: the Wabbit child is a real bargain hunter always at your expense

Closest character:

  • 80% Hermione Granger of Harry Potter
  • 10% Kenneth Feinberg, the special master (‘pay czar’) of the September 11th Compensation Fund and the BP Oil Spill Fund
  • 10% Steve Jobs of Apple Inc.

Money, business, career

Good with money, my money.

The Wabbit is extremely lucky in business and money matters, insofar as the Wabbit’s own money is concerned, which may not necessarily coincide yours or the company’s.

  1. astute in striking bargains and can always come up with a suitable proposal or alternative (rider: one that benefits self more than you)
  2. sharp business acumen, coupled with a knack for negotiation, will ensure a fast rise in any career (read: at your expense)
  3. shines in the fields of law, politics and government (read: you know the type!)

Nearest likeness: An British version of Henry Kissinger who grew up in 1970s Hong Kong or Taiwan.

Sociability

Highly sociable if you keep your distance and behave.

The Wabbit is first among equals in finesse, and that makes the Wabbit a wonderful host and a good entertainer. The Wabbit always has a good word to say of everyone, and makes for pleasant and warm company. Don’t be fooled: the Wabbit will be the best of friends so long as you take care not to ask too much of him/her. The Wabbit knows more than it lets on.

  1. withers under criticism (despite the outer air of indifference to the opinions of others)
  2. the “rather switch than fight” technique can be deceiving and the Wabbit can be diabolically cunning when (not if) it puts its mind to it (the quintessential politician-liar complex)
  3. superficial and even ruthless in dealings with outsiders
  4. suave and self-indulgent, and likes to put own wishes first
  5. is terribly irked to be inconvenienced and would like others to be as considerate, modest and thoughtful as he/she is (read: ‘high maintenance’)
  6. sincerely believes it costs people nothing to be nice to each other
  7. will always make an effort to be civil, even to his worst enemy
  8. abhors brawling and any sort of overt animosity
  9. hates overly close associations: will ruthlessly shake off clinging parasitic friends and other encroachments on privacy
  10. has impeccable manners
  11. hardly ever use harsh words and never resorts to foul language or vulgarisms to bring home a point (read: fence-sitting)
  12. hides under a cloak of decency to undermine opponents (which isn’t really decency, if you think about it)
  13. credentials are usually flawless or at least in good order (read: or made to appear so)
  14. will wine and dine you in the best places and cater to your every whim when the Wabbit is after something from you
  15. deft in ambushing prospects: the contract comes out and you’re cut off at the knees before you know it

For all the Wabbit’s quiet and misleadingly docile nature, the Wabbit:

  1. has a strong will
  2. has an almost narcissistic self-assurance
  3. pursues objectives with methodical precision but always in an unobtrusive manner
  4. obviously isn’t going to be accused of being thick-skinned
  5. won’t make waves
  6. inscrutability is the special trait that makes the Wabbit person a formidable negotiator: difficult to ever assess Wabbit thoughts correctly
  7. think of Bugs Bunny and his wiley ways

Nearest likeness: Combo of Princess Diana, British actress Helen Mirren, a non-operatic version of Sarah Brightman, a singing version of Brad Pitt, and bits of Emma Watson (who played Hermione Granger in Harry Potter).

In face of difficulties or danger

Well-liked, popular, practically trouble-free.

The Wabbit heart has no great inner struggle between the forces of good and evil. The Wabbit is prosaic and relies on own judgment and ability to survive. Traditionally, the Wabbit sign is often described as the sign most apt to find happiness and contentment (but that sort of depends on how you define happiness and contentment, doesn’t it?).

Because of the overriding need to survive, the Wabbit is quite hard to entrap. But also because of that, the Wabbit can be very repressed with a partiality for secrecy or privacy. Feelings of being threatened can bring about passive antagonism, manifesting in the use of subversive tactics (remember Stalin, Trotsky, Castro?)

  • appear a bit slow or overly deliberate at times because of an inborn sense of caution and discretion
  • conceited because of an ability to size up people and situations quickly
  • can be bureaucratic and hedgy over difficult issues
  • hates binding commitments or over-involvement (read: expert at passing the buck)
  • really knows how to live and is more than willing to let live
  • not a spoilsport or disciplinarian with an ever-watchful eye
  • knows when to refrain from criticism
  • never likes to embarrass anyone in public (rider: at least not being obvious about it)
  • adept at the art of saving face (both own and yours)
  • makes running mental notes of your mistakes or progress
  • if cockups are not serious or beyond redemption, will goodheartedly let you off the hook

For the last trait, the Wabbit is well-liked and popular. The advantage of this philosophy is the Wabbit makes few enemies and, so, rarely gets into trouble. People respond by being generous to the Wabbit and letting him/her off scot-free too.

Love life, marriage, family life

For money and comfort, not for love

If there’s a choice, the Wabbit votes with the feet for an easy and good life every time.

In love life and marriage:

  1. partner or spouse must be powerful enough to protect and support the Wabbit in style, but also smart enough to politely take a hike when the Wabbit is in a sullen mood and wants to be undisturbed
  2. the comely and refined Wabbit isn’t adverse to marrying more money (read: money being the ability to provide the luxuries the Wabbit expects as basic necessities)

Family life:

  1. gracious to friends and co-workers, but somewhat distant from own family
  2. bored by domestic routine and duties

Compatibility:

  1. you gotta be loaded just to be pals with a Wabbit
  2. most compatible with the Sheep (same good taste and love of material comforts)
  3. well-suited with the Dog
  4. compatible with the honest, unimposing Boar/Pig
  5. secondary matches are the Rat, Dragon, Monkey, Ox, Snake and another Wabbit
  6. can’t stand the vanity or criticism of the Rooster
  7. unimpressed by the dramatics of the Tiger (who are not dramatic, far from it)
  8. unappreciative of the quick-tempered and mercurial ways of the Horse

In a nutshell

  1. Wabbits are high-maintenance, unfeeling, conceited pricks/bitches
  2. you gotta be loaded to have a Wabbit for keeps
  3. you’re able to fade into the background at the Wabbit’s whim
  4. leaps over obstacles with ease and recovers from calamities with resilience
  5. unclose to family but will provide for family members with best of everything
  6. softy exterior hides inner armour of cautiousness and wisdom
  7. overpowering avoidance of conflict

* * *

SOURCES

A bit of this, a bit of that, and more than a little from personal insight and observations. Take this drivel with more than a pinch of salt, preferably with Aspirin, if you know what’s good for you.

POSTSCRIPT

All foregoing statements are “inoperable” (so to speak in Nixonspeak) if you’re Vietnamese, because it’s the Year of the Cat there. The stuff is completely different for Cats. And you thought this shite just got real. Muaaaahahahahahahaha!

* * *

Image via Wilmott Forums (pilfered and used without permission).

Karl Szmolinsky shows a nearly 10 kg rabbit of the “German Grey Giant” race from Brandenburg Eberswalde (Barnsley) on Wednesday (01 March 2007). The giant rabbit from Brandenburg should be breedable in North Korea. The first 12 of Szmolinsky’s animals are already there for several weeks. In April [2007] he flies to Asia to the new breeding facility for the “German Grey Giant” to examine and give advice. The animals are among the world’s largest rabbits and can breed up to 10 kg in weight, according to Szmolinsky. The Koreans will be using the animals to improve their meat supply. Photo: Patrick Pleul dpa/lbn (0f Corr.-Report of 03.01.2007) © dpa-Bildfunk.

(Original German caption) Der Kaninchenzüchter Karl Szmolinsky aus dem brandenburgischen Eberswalde (Barnim) zeigt am Mittwoch (01 März 2007) eines seiner fast zehn Kilogramm schweren Kaninchen der Rasse «Deutsche Riesen grau». Mit Riesen-Kaninchen aus Brandenburg soll in Nordkorea eine Zucht aufgebaut werden. Die ersten zwölf Tiere von Szmolinsky sind bereits seit einigen Wochen dort. Im April [2007] werde er selbst nach Asien fliegen, um die neue Zuchtanlage für die «Deutschen Riesen grau» zu begutachten und Tipps zu geben. Die Tiere, die laut Szmolinsky zur größten Kaninchenrasse weltweit gehören, werden bis zu zehn Kilo schwer. Die Koreaner wollen mit den Tieren ihre Fleischversorgung verbessern. Foto: Patrick Pleul dpa/lbn (zu lbn-Korr.-Bericht vom 03.01.2007) © dpa-Bildfunk.

© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2011.

3 Responses to “Wot’s a Wabbit?”

  1. christie pont said

    I was taught by a master chef how to make a certain veal dish. Veal in pan saute out pansaute some shallots and few piches herbs, then put in 1/2 cup veal stock reduce 1/2 cup heavy cream reduce all to 2 tablespoons (huh) then he reached in the fride and pulled out 1/3 stick butter dropped in hte pan to make a “butter float” I remarked Does this come with a side of Nitroglycerin?

    He insisted I put a finger in and taste (pure heaven). Then he quickly bent down with his ear to my back and uttered “I can hear your arteries hardening as we speak!”

    For those who live in the UK (or watch old BBC stuff) watch Lenny Henry as “CHEF”. It is truly a masterpiece of food related comedy.

    Moral of the story “if you don’t want someone’s finger in your mouth don’t eat in fancy restaurants” cuz every dish get a licking.

    so many calories…so little thyme….

    Like

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