Advice from an OAP

Tuesday 12 July 2011, 9.35am HKT

ADVICE from Maxine, an OAP*:

* ‘Old Age Pensioner’: the common and also official UK and Australian parlance for a person who has retired but not necessarily collecting a pension (USA: ‘retiree’).

(No, OAP doesn’t mean Open-Air Pub, although you’ll find quite a number of OAPs patronise those places.)

2. People who live in glass houses should make love in the basement.

3. Never read the fine print. There ain’t no way you’re going to like it.

4. If you let a smile be your umbrella, then most likely your butt will get soaking wet.

5. The only two things we do with greater frequency in middle age are urinate and attend funerals.

6. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

7. To err is human, to forgive — highly unlikely.

8. Do you realise that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

9. Money can’t buy happiness — but, somehow, it’s more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than in a Hyundai.

10. Drinking makes some husbands see double and feel single.

11. Living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.

12. After a certain age, if you don’t wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.

(via Fred L.)

© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2011.

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