How grumpy New Zealanders plan to solve their economic problems
Saturday 30 July 2011, 6.00am HKT
Check this out. It’s for New Zealand, but it’s a great idea and will work of the rest of us. Never a truer word spoken.
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To The Rt. Hon. John Key, Prime Minister of New Zeland
Dear Mr Key,
Please find below our suggestions for fixing New Zealand’s economy. Instead of giving billions of dollars to banks and the Maori iwi [folk] that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan.
There are about 2 million people over 50 in the workforce. Pay them NZ$1 million severance each for early retirement with the following stipulations:
- They MUST retire. Two million job openings — unemployment fixed.
- They MUST buy a new British, Australian or American car. Two million cars ordered — car industry fixed.
- They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage — housing crisis fixed.
- They MUST send their kids to school/college/university — crime rate fixed.
- They MUST buy NZ$100 worth of alcohol/tobacco a week — there’s your money back in duty/tax etc. (Non-smokers and non-drinkers exempt.)
- Instead of stuffing around with the carbon emissions trading scheme that makes us pay for the major polluters, tell the greedy bastards to reduce their pollution emissions by 75% within 5 years or we shut them down. It can’t get any easier than that!
If more money is needed, have all Members of Parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second-home allowances.
If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know. If not, please disregard.
(via Fred L.)
© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2011.