The Great Firewall of America has just started

Monday 31 October 2011, 8.56am HKT


A heads-up from TechDirt that the PROTECT-IP Act of the USA has just been renamed E-PARASITE Act, which ultimately would create the Great Firewall of America.

“As was unfortunately expected, the House version of PROTECT IP has been released (embedded below) and it’s ridiculously bad. Despite promises from [Republican] Rep. [Bob] Goodlatte, there has been no serious effort to fix the problems of the Senate bill, and it’s clear that absolutely no attention was paid to the significant concerns of the tech industry, legal professionals, investors and entrepreneurs. There are no two ways around this simple fact: this is an attempt to build the Great Firewall of America. The bill would require service providers to block access to certain websites, very much contrary to US official positions on censorship and internet freedom, and almost certainly in violation of the First Amendment.” (TechDirt | Link)

The E-PARASITE ACT (otherwise known as the Stopping Online Piracy Act) is currently in the Bill stage with the House of Representatives and the Senate in the USA.

Aside: Perversely for a common law jurisdiction, the USA calls its legislation at the Bill stage as Acts. The rest of the world (common law or otherwise) would call it the E-PARASITE Bill.

The Bill is online at http://www.scribd.com/doc/70419349/E-PARASITES-Act.

Rep. Bob Goodlatte’s official website is http://goodlatte.house.gov/.

It takes an effort of will not to see the E-PARASITE name is pure, unadulterated idiocy. It stands for “the Enforcing and Protecting American Rights Against Sites Intent on Theft and Exploitation Act” — an acronym that probably best shows the brain-damaged stupidness of American parliamentarians than about the dangers of the Internet.

* * *

See? I told people this was going to happen sooner or later, and every damn country is going to compete with one another by having their own Great Firewalls.

“The Great Firewall of China has been of largely academic interest to most Americans — until now. Legislation has been introduced in both houses of Congress to allow the US government to unilaterally censor foreign websites that it decides are hosting unlicensed content. While nominally targeted at ‘pirate’ sites, the language — particularly of the House version — is so broad it could be used to shut down access to almost any international website, especially since every social network and sharing site is littered with homebrew videos featuring unlicensed soundtracks.” ( David Cardinal, “E-PARASITES ACT aims to eat away Internet Freedoms,” Extreme Tech, 27 Oct 2011 | Link)

Even mainstream conservatives in America (like Conservative Action Alerts) find the bill worrying.

The shape of things to come:

“If you don’t completely comply with the Chinese government’s regulations in censoring politically sensitive information, there’s a good chance the Great Firewall of China will shut you down. In 2010, China shut down 1.3 million Web sites, allowing access to 41 percent fewer than the previous year.” (Business Insider | 16 July 2011 | Link)

I won my wager. Y’all need to pay up the $100 each of you owe me.

Soon you will see this in the USA too

© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2011.

Images: Great Firewall of America via Conservative Action Alerts ♦ Site blocked screencap by Bob Dembo via teach42.

Best roommate ever? Gotta be kidding me, mate

Tuesday 18 October 2011, 1.24am HKT


Here’s an ad for sharing accommodation. Tell me what YOU think if you had to share your digs with this personage:

Best. Roommate. Ever.

Konichiwa bitches. Are you looking for the most kick-ass fucking roommate that ever lived? If so, look no further. You fucking found him. I’m a 25-year-old professional marketing agent with experience at bad-ass companies in New York Fucking City. That’s right! What you know about experience? I graduated from Auburn University in Alabama, and moved to NYC at the ripe, tender age of 22. After deciding that New York was a stinky shit-hole, I moved back to Alabama to cultivate more professional experience. Why? So I can make millions of dollars and not have to post shit like this on Craigslist.

Anyway, so I landed this job with a marketing firm in San Francisco, and I have no fucking clue where to live. Honestly, I’m moving there in 3 weeks, so I don’t give a shit if I have to sleep in your bathtub.

A bit about me: I’m respectful, quiet, clean and I won’t bother any of your shit. If you leave shit out, I’m just like, “Oh fuck I better not mess with this shit, because it’s not mine.” I turn off lights. I clean toilets. Fuck it. I’ll even cook for you. That’s right! My dad is a chef and taught me everything there is to know about cooking southern cajun cuisine. I’ll fry green tomatoes, cover them with marinated crab meat and smother that shit in bearnaise. EVERY. GODDAMN. NIGHT. Don’t eat meat? That’s fucking FANTASTIC! I’ll make a zucchini and yellow squash carpaccio that will knock your fucking socks off.

I also read a lot. I fucking LOVE books. Vonnegut, Palahniuk, Hawthorne. All that shit. I read Tuesdays with Morrie the other day. It’s a sad story, but I learned something about life, love, knowledge and the pursuit of something greater than myself. Fucking smart. Do you like movies? I fucking love them. We can watch the shit out of some movies together if you like, or go get drinks, or work out, hike, play video games or play a game of one-on-one basketball, or I don’t have to talk to you at all. It’s completely UP TO YOU!

Sometimes I play guitar. Are you going to love getting baked and listening to Bob Dylan and Pink Floyd? LIVE? WHENEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT? Of course you are! I’ll take requests and learn any song you like, because I have the voice of an angel and the acoustical stylings of James Fucking Taylor. AWWWWWW SHIT YEA!

A lot of people ask me, “Hey, you’re from Alabama. Are you racist?” And, the answer to that question is, no. I’m not racist or judgmental at all. I love everyone. I’m a secular humanist. I FUCKING LOVE PEOPLE. That’s the only requirement to being a secular humanist actually. You have to like other human beings and want to help them for no other reason than they are human regardless of race, religion or sexual preference. WTF?!!!? Pretty fucking cool right?

Hong Kong style unpackaged Beef Jerky (Flikr i...

Hong Kong-style beef jerky (via Wikipedia/Zemanta)

I own almost nothing! I’m driving my car from Alabama to California in which I’ll be transporting two duffelbags of clothes, one laptop computer, one guitar, one cell-phone with charger, 8 pairs of shoes, one picture frame, probably some condoms and a shitload of beef jerky and Pringles for the trip. Though, you can expect the jerky to be gone upon my arrival. Unless you’d like me to pick up some on my way into the city. See?! I’m the most considerate person you’ve ever met. I’m offering to buy you shit already!

Am I interested in your pad? You can bet my nomadic ass I am! I only require 4 walls, a ceiling and a floor to shelter me from the elements. Other than that, anything else will be considered a convenient plus. I’m taking being a roommate to the next level. Email me! I’ll hook yo ass up with Facebook links, background checks, credit reports, phone numbers, resumes, references, awards, sexual history, pictures of karate trophies and a list of the top 10 women I’d like to bang before I die. If you want a next-generation roommate who consistently blows your fucking mind with awesomeness, then hit me up. I’m ready to give you money.

  • cats are OK – purrr
  • dogs are OK – wooof
  • it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

(craigslist, San Francisco, 16 Aug 2011, 10:06am PDT)

AND here’s a piece on Huffington Press that analyses it — but it’s TL;DR. Sorry.

I’ll say this for the nutter: he’s definitely consistent in his madness…

© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2011. Image powered by Zemanta/WordPress.

You are retarded if…

Monday 17 October 2011, 5.02am HKT


Updated 17/10: I’ve reformatted the text so that it doesn’t read like one unending stream of piss…
Update 04 Nov 2011: More reformatting for easier readability. Amen to that.

You are retarded if you believe in any of these things…

1. Buy one get one free (“bogof”)
2. I promise not to cum in your mouth
3. Just the tip…
4. An honest politician
5. A 12-year-old virgin

6. Liberalism, Conservatism, Socialism, Communism, any -ism
7. That socialism of any kind, in any amount that will actually work
8. Socialism — nope, capitalism — nope, communism — nope — how about we try autism next?
9. That government of any kind is actually for the people’s benefit
10. Women … that she will blow you for the rest of your [miserable] life

11. Gender studies
12. Women’s rights
13. History lessons
14. That humanity is actually worth the dirt it walks on
15. Anonymous

16. Poker is free — it IS, if you poke her in the eye
17. Racial superiority
18. The existence of your soul
19. Democracy as it is
20. Other women on chatboards besides lily84

21. Trolling is an art
22. Holocaust denials and Holocaust acknowledgments
23. Rupert Murdoch answers to the phone-hacking enquiry
24. U.S. Federal Reserve banksters
25. The USA is the ‘center’ of the world. (LOL, obviously that’s what your government wants you to think, since they’re only showing you pictures of Earth with USA in the middle. The Earth’s a ball — spin it around and something else will be in the middle — I’ll bet you they’re using other pictures of Earth in China.)

26. Obama’s certificate of live birth
27. Obama is an America
28. Obama is a foreigner
29. The majority knows what’s best
30. Noblesse oblige

31. Republicans (when your country operates different political parties)
32. Democrats (ditto)
33. The world is a gentle place with lots of friendly people
34. Every f@#king time aliens land on Earth, where do they go? That’s right! USA!
35. Friendly fire.

36. Human blood is blue until it encounters oxygen (morons actually believe this)
37.  Reality
38. “I like to teach the world to sing / In perfect harmony…”
39. Small is beautiful
40. Go big — or go home

41. When a girl invites you for ‘hot coffee’ that you’re gonna get Starbucks or something
42. Cure for faggotry
43. The government helps people
44. 9/11 wasn’t an inside job
45. 9/11 was an inside job

46. The cops are there to serve and protect.
47. NATO
48. IQ
49. “Core values”
50. Corporate whores in the U.S. Congress (or any legislature in the world)

51. Conservative economic theories
52. Economic theories in general
53. Sociological theories of any kind
54. Linguistics theories
55. Academics and even academicians

56. The Internet
57. Corporate-industrial complex, taxes, bailouts, ‘homeland security’
58. The debt limit
59. Forgive thy enemy
60. Being sober

61. I can count to cucumber
62. Paper debt is money
63. Rule of law (only a Tinkerbell Effect)
64. Civil society (only a Tinkerbell Effect)
65. The value of gold (another Tinkerbell Effect) 

66. Social values (one more Tinkerbell Effect)
67. Collective memory (That’s enough Tinkerbell Effects. You’re fired. — Editor)
68. Judicial independence
69. “No, of course I don’t think you look fat.”
70. “Friend zone”

71. Compassionate conservativism
72. Compassionate socialism
73. Compassionate any-bloody-isms
74. Mankind, humankind, womankind, kinda-kind
75. “You’re my first guy”

76. “You’re my last guy”
77. Fox News, CNN, BBC World Service, your local TV news
78. Mr. Perspective’s opinion
79. Cultural Marxism
80. Feminism (No more -isms, please. You’re re-fired. — Editor)

81. Your mum doesn’t suck cock … and doesn’t swallow
82. Your dad does … and swallows
83. Americans are smart … and getting smarter every day … and swallows
84. Indie music
85. Mainstream entertainment

86. Atheism
87. Religion
88. Evolution vs. creationism (either or both or together or separately)
89. No sex until you are 18 or married
90. No alcohol until you are 18 (or 21, wherever) or possess a driver’s licence

91. Free lunch
92.
Ooops, the ‘hate’ was an accident…
93. Ai-yai-yai, the ‘Like’ was an accident…
94. Fap, and you’ll go blind
95. Blind, you can can still fap

96. Corporate media
97. Public relations
98. Public accountability of government
99. Political accountability
100. Political accountability

101. Any kind of ‘accountability’ (disaccountability?)
102. Corporate governance
103. Corporate Social Responsibility
104. Occupy Wall Street or whevever the bloody hell you are
105. Occupy Walled Street makes a difference to the “99%”

106. Occupy Wall-E Street doesn’t make a difference to the “100% Minus 1%”
107. The Moon landings (go to the Moon and prove it…)
108. Beauty comes from the inside
109. Beauty is only skin deep
110. “I will become a better man” (Dave W.)

111. “I am actually much nicer than what you see”
112. People who feel the need to label themselves
113. Change for the better (Surprise! It’s getting better! Derp.)
114. Education
115. Public education, private education, continuing education

116. Native language fluency (especially for the hard-of-learning)
117. Grammatical rules
118. Freeform semantics
119. Basic research vs. applied research
120. That analysis is equated to knowing or understanding

121. “The facts speak for themselves”

And finally…

122. That you are not retarded.

* * *

And all that came from a whole week of looking and seeing, listening and chinwagging, mulling and thinking, and ignoring and remembering.

© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2011. Images via c4c.

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