My ‘suckeriferous’ vanity fannybag

Thursday 19 July 2012, 4.57am HKT

I AM so suckeriferously vain — as if you haven’t got enough of it already.

One of the 300-plus cool sites/blogs that I follow has moved me to the point of disgorging more ‘facts’ about myself (albeit in the comments section).

“International Woman of Mystery”
I’ll be waiting/with a gun and a pack of sandwiches

What weird little list of achievements have racked up (or even wracked over) so far? Any that moved mountains, or just the coffee table? Do any show that you’re still doing something?


So without further gilding of the lilies, here they are:—

1. I’ve kissed a guy on the lips passionately just to scare him off (it did)

2. Eaten fried AND roasted crickets (they tasted like chicken, actually)

3. Finished a 40-mile combat course in undulating land within 24 hours

4. Gambled at the roulette tables in Monaco, big time (and won!)

5. Got lost in an English forest (and feels I’m still there)

6. Mooned at a passing car (and nearly caused the driver to crash!)

7. Carried out a live (human) birth in a taxi

8. Somebody died in my arms

9. Survived two bomb blasts in London

10. Passed through one full riot (by accident)

11. Was in a ‘heroic’ evacuation from a nighttime military invasion (as a civilian)

12. … and lived through countless pointless business meetings!


Gee-whiz, I never banked on anyone saying this about me:—

“Holy crud, dude. You should teach classes in awesomeness: ‘How to Be The Coolest, 101’.”

Deploying shamelessly shameful self-pwnage thermonuclear nostalgiabomb.

(You’re fired. Is there no end to your vanity?—Editor)



© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2012 (B12227). Image via Groupies Unite.

4 Responses to “My ‘suckeriferous’ vanity fannybag”

  1. Ed Hurst said

    Some of the best things in life come at us while we aren’t looking. A great many of those things we hope to avoid in the future. While I can’t say I wouldn’t do some of the same things you list, I’ve never had a good reason. So far.


  2. Ed Hurst said

    I’m willing to bet you couldn’t even pin it down to that. Sometimes there is something inside which simply insists it be done regardless of consequences. Like mooning, etc.


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