A piss … ahem, piece … of heaven

Saturday 22 June 2013, 9.04am HKT

5.50am local time, 28°C (82°F), preliminary typhoon downpours

RIGHT now, it’s Typhoon Signal No. 3 here in Hong Kong. Freak weather continues in Europe. Earthquake in Italy. Flooding in the Himalayas. Radioactive fallout still spewing from the Fukushima plant in Japan. But it’s good ole’ “No Panty Day” today in the USA.

thunder wind goes tawaraya

Their Lordships, the Thunder (left) and the Wind
(17th-century a tarashikomi 溜込 artwork by Japanese artist Tawaraya Sotatsu 俵屋宗達)


The world is looking mighty close to two movies all rolled into one — “2012” and “The Day After Tomorrow” — considering we’ve finally managed to have flooding in the Himalayas.

If you live in this ex-British/Brutish/now-Chinese colony of Hong Kong, you might like to add in “The Fast and The Furious” for on-the-ground realism.

What else is missing? The high-octane double penetration the likes of Asteroid 2012 DA14 and its sidekick, that sneaky sonofabitch meteorite that analised — err, I mean, nearly lawn-mowed — Chelyabinsk in Russia last year.

But, of course, it’s No Panty Day instead … which, come to think of it, is pretty awful just the same…


‘Just disrupt the chicks’

gruppo drag queen 2008

Cheesy German drag queens are chicks too, nicht wahr?
(via Vebidoo)

I now know where the fault is.

Yesterday was Summer Solstice. Nobody celebrated it with paganistic sexual rituals. No Panty Day isn’t quite the correct pagan or even sexual ritual required. Even high-penetration smut sites weren’t worth an abject effort, for pete’s sakes.

My non-Facebook, non-Twitter, non-blogging deity (Lucyades) told me on the phone just now “THAT, will not do.”


“Barsoom [Mars] had John Carter,” Lucyades thundered, “who from Virginia transported himself over there, leaping about, creating all manner of disruption. All you lot on Earth had to do was just ‘disrupt’ the chicks.

That’s easier said than done, I (humble and contrite) explained to His Celestine, as I only live here and don’t make the rules.

Result? I naturally didn’t get the required 20 out of 25 marks with that explanation, and Lucyades decided to bring in The Heavy Equipment:—

  • His Grace the Duke of Thunder
  • The Rt. Hon. Earl of the Wind
  • with the assistance of the god of rain, The Rt. Hon. Viscount Red Pine

Of course, we now have the perfect setting for Mr Edward Snowden (courtesy of the NSA and various other acronyms and abbreviations) to practise his whistling — while their Heavenly Lordships pee on us for our oversight of the ritual required and our harbouring Mr Snowden.

Not sure if ‘harbouring’ meant hiding him or throwing him into our Victoria Harbour


‘This bleu me away!’


Rare Andersen Pottery mouse with almond-shaped ebony eyes,
grey-mottled body and pink ears and feet,
sitting on green-speckled cheese block.
3½ inches tall × 3¾ inches long.
Bears incised Andersen Pottery trademark,
dated 1987. (via eBay)

WHILST that piece of heaven is descending upon us, I’m taking to my own ‘piece of heaven’ (as Ben Gunn in “Treasure Island” puts it rather well) — CHEESE.

Here’s a little pun-ditty-pun-pun from (apparently) Adelaide Central Market in Australia:—

Sweet dreams are made of cheese
Who am I to diss a brie
I cheddar the world and the feta cheese
Everybody’s looking for Stilton

Some of them want to fondue
Some of them want to get fondue
Some of them want to Maredsous
Some of them want to be Bouyssou

Hold your Herve up, keep your head up, movin’ on
Hold your Urda up, Malvern on
Keep your Hedi Gruyere up, movin’ on

(Some contributions mine — of course)

Grate cheese puns! Really some gouda ones! No whey I could think of those! I cantal take it! I camembert anymore of these cheesy puns! Edam it, this bleu me away!

Somebody really likes his ‘piece of heaven.’

As I finished this writeup, the temperature literally dropped two degrees to 26°C within seconds.




© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2013. (B13208)

3 Responses to “A piss … ahem, piece … of heaven”

  1. Ed Hurst said

    Are you trying to provoke an apocalypse or something? That’s dangerous writing, dude.


Comments are closed.

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