FUI

Tuesday 9 July 2013, 12.18pm HKT


‘FUI’ stands for Fantasy User Interfaces.

fui korean dish

Pork cutlet and rice from Sindaebang, Korea
a.k.a. Dom João (King John) Cutlet, originally of Portugal

And we’re not talking about the term coined by Mark Coleran in the world of computer games.

This is a mildly racist post — which it is — which it isn’t — which it is — which it could be — which it couldn’t possibly be — unless you’re operating at the speed of stupidity.

*

FUI, Eff U Grip

I think my friend really has a handle on what FUI looks like.

Disclaimer: I am a BAAAAD MAN for correcting my friend’s language — which I don’t like doing generally — which I do for the lulz — which I hate — which I enjoy — which I’m embarrassed about — which I find hilariously entertaining all round…

The preamble, just to get the ball rolling:—

“Thanks, Robert. You are so knowledgeable in many aspects. I didn’t know that this dish was originally Portuguese until you told me so. The size is unreal, that’s one of the reasons which [that] drew my attention to it. I got my attention focused because of the giant size of the pork cutlets with curry sauce which were placed on the plate and the cylindrical shape of the rice which [that] stood still. Somewhat I wondered whether this photo is real or not.”

If you’re unwashed in the ways of Hong Kong English, my friend was only saying:—

  • She didn’t realise the dish was originally Portuguese
  • The size and shape of the food were what caught her eye
  • She too wondered if the photo was real or faked

Knowledgeable? Me? Come on, not really. I’m just old enough (too old?) to remember this stuff about dishes.

By the way, the Portuguese name of the dish is Costeleta de Dom João (Cos-tell-letta day Dong Jo-wungg). The English name is pork gillette (rhymes with the razor blade brand).

*

FUI, Mother-effer! Do U Eff It?

And now, the bit that shows what is meant by FUI:—

“Koreans are used [read: apt] to exaggerating things. They always represent something which [that] is greater than the actual case or enlarge or increase something to an abnormal degree.”

.

fui map02

“The territory of Korea in periods such as the North–South States Period (Silla and Balhae) and the Three Kingdoms of Korea (Goguryeo, Baekje and Silla) which were stated in the Korean history textbooks is unreal.”

fui map01

“Koreans overstate their territory of [for] the two period[s] in textbooks. They claimed more land than what they actually had. I have read [that] some maps which were ridiculous. According to the maps issued by the Koreans, the territory of Balhae included a large part of China. More ridiculous, the territory of Baekje included Kong Kong, Hainan, Taiwan and the coastal areas up to the northeastern part of China. China only occupied a small part of land in [on] the [Korean] map[s].”

Far more interesting is the territory of Toburn

“Are you going to Toburn or not Toburn?”

“Corea! Uigur’ing to Choina froo Toburn this side ov tha worrld, mate.”

Sounds loike Ancient Far Eastern Cockney English, innit?

.

Qu Yuan by Chen Hongshou via wikipedia

Qu Yuan 屈原 a.k.a. Ch’ü Yüan, a portrait by Chen Hong-shou
(via
Wikipedia)

“Koreans claimed in their history textbooks that all people were descendents from Korea. In addition, they said that Qu Yuan [Ch’ü Yüan] and Sun Yat-sen [孫中山] were their ancestor[s]. But historians from China have proved that Qu Yuan and Sun Yat-sen originated from China.

Which means the Koreans are insinuating that they’ve discovered time travel too — as in “my ancestors will be born in the future.”

John Connor, eat your heart out. Terminator — no, I’ll be back.

“Historians from China consolidated [read: in their considered opinion stated] that during the time when Qu Yuan was in China, Korea was still in the Three Kingdoms Period and the three kingdoms were in civil wars which [that] every one of the three struck to unite the others. So how come Qu Yuan was originated in Korea[?]”

FACT: DNA analysis confirms that Japanese are of Korean descent (read this).

FACT: But present-day Koreans are primarily descended from Altaic-Tungusic tribes with a considerable amount of southeast Asian DNA input (Jin, Tyler-Smith & Kim 2009, via this thread).

They say eating durians, that sonofabitch smelly fruit from Southeast Asia, is kind of like having sex. Jin et al. kinda proves that concept, doesn’t it?

Wherez ur god nao?

Updated 21 July 2015:— Somebody (on this Korean Sentry forum thread) clearly doesn’t know how to read the above. And then proceeds to call me “a buthurt [sic] Taiwanese dude.” *facepalm* I’m not Taiwanese, blindboy.

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korean plastic surgery lolsnaps

Plastic surgery?
Surgical PLATICISATION more like
(via lolsnaps.com)

“Apart from these, the Korean boys and ladies received plastic surgery which [that] makes themselves beautiful. They look perfect on the surface. But they look unreal in reality.”

Ever watched Miss Korea contest on TV? You won’t be the first to notice the girls are all freakishly identical-looking. These are the droids you are looking for, no?

Koreans are obsessed with plastic surgery, says Business Insider magazine — indeed, one-fifth of all women in Seoul have had some kind of procedure. Funny these women haven’t considered doing surgery to ‘repair’ their lost virginity.

South Korean parents making their kids get plastic surgery, says Vice magazine. Funny these kids haven’t considered making their parents get brain surgery — like ‘add brain into’ — like there’s possibly nothing inside to begin with to lobotomise…

korean plastic surgery viewmixedcom

Wouldn’t it be easier with a shit, shower and shave — and a better haircut?
(via ViewMixed.com)

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kimchi wikimedia

Cures all known epidemics, earthquakes, tornadoes, tsunamis
… and whiteboard markers with dried-up ink

(via Wikimedia Commons)

“Besides, during the SARS period (2003) in Hong Kong, the Korean government claimed that there were no cases of SARS in their country as [because] people ate kimchi[,] which contained [contains] a lot of garlic. The Korean government suggested that garlic can prevent SARS. Since then, kimchi was [has been] highly promoted around the globe as healthy food. Kimchi was [had been] nominated as one of the five healthy food in the world.

“But I still wonder whether the Korean government had hidden some cases of SARS. I thought it was unbelievable that there were no cases of SARS reported in South Korea while the plague was spreading heavily in other countries. I sometimes wonder whether kimchi[,] which contains a lot of salt and chili sauce[,] is good to [for] health.

“I appreciate [admire] the culture of Korea, the beautiful scenery of Korea and the technological development (Samsung, LG) of the country[,] which is in fast pace. But I doubt how much information given out by the Korean government is real.

(Emphasis and amendments mine)

* * *

Dis-effing-claimer (for those who operate at the speed of stupidity):—

  • It’s all right — this ISN’T a Korean-bashing thread. We’re just making a point about Fantasy User Interfaces. If we could find a neutral, non-Korean example, we would’ve used it already.

Then again, if we did, we couldn’t claim this post to be ‘mildly racist,’ could we?

For the avoidance of doubt, my friend is very knowledgeable about Korea and digs all things Korean.

Now go play with traffic.

[You’re fired for the disclaimer. But you’re hired for being unknowledgeable.—Editor]

* * *

FUI Crash Course

My phone charged itself to 107 Imgur

Charge yourself to 107%

In other words, Fantasy User Interfaces (FUI) is—

  1. go 107% overboard when exaggerating things, since mere exaggeration is too faggotisingly mainstream or isn’t enough (see picture above)
  2. overstate, especially and specifically for things that can be factually proved differently
  3. make thick-skinned claims about the ultimate ancestry of other people in near or far lands
  4. ascribe super powers to some normal, everyday crappy habit (‘The Kimchi-SARS Factor’)
  5. everything about you is natural perfection, despite it being 100% man-made
  6. every lie put out by The Establishment is truth (except when it really IS the truth, in which case it’s a foreign-instigated lie)
  7. play games, but be not part of The Game, and have no ‘game’

Mark Coleran, you have no idea, you have no idea about your baby…

*

Afterisms…

I have to say my friend is blameless here.

Propaganda vs. sewage vs. ‘as you please’

She doesn’t realise that the utter sewage up top originally came from the inestimable gutters of the North Korean government. The maps have their origins in propaganda pieces put out by the DPRK some 20 years ago, at least. A complete joke when they first came out. They’re now part of mainstream education in South Korea…

Kind of like physics, but more pompous

All countries exaggerate things to a greater or lesser extent, depending on their prevailing ‘best interests.’ The Japanese, the Koreans and us Chinese exaggerated lots of things that all of them ‘proved’ did/didn’t exist.

For every possible vision, bet on there being an equal and opposite ‘revision’ — what my Grandpa used to quip “the law of historiographical momentum”…

Actually, Grandpa said it was the law of conservation of historiographical dynamics — “das Gesetz von der Erhaltung der historiographischen Dynamik” in his own words.

(Yes, I actually keep Rolodex cards of my Grandpa’s sayings…)

Official hooliganism

Much of the ‘histories’ of most Far Eastern/Asian countries are propaganda efforts — we’d go mad if we took them seriously. I mean, we (as Chinese or as Hongkongers or whatever lifeform) don’t have to look too far — just look at the official nonsense put out by our hooligans Hong Kong government on Governor Murray MacLehose for proof of concept.

Look at your own family history for a stark-naked reality check for proof of concept about vision/revision.

But FUI isn’t the province of governments and The Establishment. It’s actually a manifestation of the individual. It is the FUI of an individual person that leads to the FUI of an organisation or the collective.

(hat tip to Lily C. for inspiration and the other pics)

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© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2013. (B13232)

CHANGELOG: Updated 21 July 2015 (re Korean Sentry Forum reference and link)

5 Responses to “FUI”

  1. Ed Hurst said

    Half of a pig and two pounds of rice? It would take me two days to eat all that. Hold the kimchi; I’ve smelled it before, rather like the odor of something someone already ate. My own habits are repulsive enough without hunting down extra insanity.

    Like

  2. Min said

    This sounds so silly, and bull shits. None of Koreans believe that history, I’ve never even seen those maps until I visit this stupid blog. The food thing is just fun challenging thing and you can see those food challenges in every countries in the world. So stupid. It obviously proves how stupid you are.

    Like

    • *Smiles* I can understand your feelings. What should I say – what *could* I say? Like the post says, “… the utter sewage up top originally came from the inestimable gutters of the North Korean government.”

      Like the post also says, “Much of the ‘histories’ of most Far Eastern/Asian countries are propaganda efforts — we’d go mad if we took them seriously.”

      And there’s also that disclaimer somewhere at the bottom of the post.

      As for the food challenges, I’m 100% in agreement with you. Okay, maybe not 100% (because 100% freaks people out) so 90% is a fair compromise, no?

      But, honestly, Min, you’re riled up for nothing. This isn’t a Korean-bashing post. It’s about FUI.

      Nice and direct comment, though.

      Like

  3. Derek Park said

    I’m Korean and I don’t believe that kind of maps. In fact none of Koreans believe that map is true. Most of those maps are exaggrated by some Right-Winger Japanese or Korea-hated Chinese. Some of those maps are from Koreans, the dumb ones, but none of Korean people believe that. Also only 18% of the population wants to do the plastic surgery. You are the one who should not exaggrate things.

    Like

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