Things I learnt on hitting 30
Thursday 25 July 2013, 8.09am HKT
NOTHING starts a conversation more than about ageing.
No, not me. I’m considerably and irretrievably more than 30 down the road to hell and high water with piranhas and electric jellyfish swimming up my pantaloons.
Here’s what a friend of mine says through my social feed:—
Some things I’ve learnt since being 30…
1. Breakfast doesn’t make you fat, DINNER does.
2. Family does come first.
3. The weekend are made for rest … and series.
4. Going out late means you’ll be home by 12am (ok … latest 1am).
5. Phones are for apps and games, but rarely used for actual calling.
6. The weather is NEVER nice to you … (too hot, too cold, too humid, too dry…)
7. You used to think when you wake up, that belly would disappear… but now it doesn’t.
8. Metabolism is no longer an internal function, you have to work for it.
9. My FB friends are all either, married, getting married, pregnant, had babies
or the ones that are “forever single.”
10. You can live without a phone, but you can’t live without WhatsApp.
11. A good night out is when you go home by 11pm, shower and in your bed by 12am.
12. Flats are your new best friends.
13. Makeup is not compulsory, skin care is.
14. Massages are a necessary part of a weekly routine.
15. PMS stands for pre- and post-menstrual … which means the entire month…
“Welcome to this age tickbox, though I already forgot
what I observed when I was 30 because it’s bloody long time ago!”
“… I totally relate to this list…”
“LOL. And … life starts at 30.”
“Makes perfect sense at 30. Like #11.”
“At least 7–8 items describe me!!!”
“But didn’t you turn 30 like a few years ago?”
“Oh … and should add two more things…
16. Lazy to walk and prefer to take transport instead, even if a short distance.
17. Less eager (or dare not go on rides)…
“Been there, done that…”
“What about ‘Yeah, I am going to a party this weekend!’
actually means a baby’s 100th-day or birthday party
rather than an all-you-can-drink/dance/club party!”
“Forever single indeed!!!!!”
Stark naked reality checklist there. (Yours truly)
(hat tip to Clara for the feed)
The Naked Listener’s Corollary
Your ability to pull chicks or studs (or both!) is now superseded by
your ability to pull the nearest waiter to get your food ordered.
Could suck more, given half the chance
TO anyone out there who’s just turned 30 or in imminent danger of it, the ‘Dirty Thirties’ aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.
Then again, things could suck big time, thanks but no thanks to your forebears…
This is Zara Hartshorn of the UK in 2010
She’s not a middle-aged woman.
Zara with her mum in 2010
She was just 13 years old then, looking like this.
She has lipodystrophy, a genetic disease that makes her look far older.
She’s got good-looking arms though. Look!
Zara’s sweet sixteen now.
Imagine no more about her possible cleavage.
I COULD just picture the horrific excitement of you lot of perverts out there about
MILFs and grannies with teen staying power.
Tsk, tsk, you dirty sods…
(via the Mirror of the UK)
Draw your own fountain of youth, sooth or vermouth
Just so you newly reached (or even born-again) “Dirty Hairy” folks understand:–
Or it could mean this—
Your mileage may vary, and account for variable change.
Draw your own conclusions — or from your own fountain of youth, whichever is easier.
Or just settle on the vermouth and the thirtysometing teen porn, I guess.
© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2013. (B13246)