‘Moving you to Vancouver’

Tuesday 30 July 2013, 9.41am HKT

WHERE you stand depends on where you sit. You sits if it fits, or move on down if you’ve got the chits, grits, wits or hits, and not be a git. Getting realistic about everything once you’re old enough to know better … or know worse.


Germans emigrate 1874

“When God closes the door on you, He slams it on your fingers.”
Three Inches (2011)

(via Family Search)

A FEW DAYS AGO on my social feed, a friend proposed that I should emigrate to another country for my sunset years.

Much as I like to entertain the notion of rebadging myself an emigré — replete with swept-back silvered hair, a faggoty blood-red velvet smoking jacket, and a silver-knobbed walking swordstick — alas, I’m not near my sunset years just yet.

More to the point, my velvet jacket is a dinner jacket … and jet black.

But there are times it sure feels like I’ve already hit my down-the-drain years

La Proposition

vancouver aerial

‘Moving you to Vancouver’

(via ASQ Vancouver)

“It can be done. Question is, how much and how long of crappy jobs can you take? With me helping, I can help get you to a better place. All I need to do is find a good, affordable immigration lawyer [blah, blah, blah].”

Personally I can take a huge amount of bullshit and crappy jobs. I’m in the printing business already.

I’ve been through the whole gamut of immigration control in my day when Mum and Dad bounced around 13 different countries. From that, I’ve become something of a cognoscenti about the legislation and institutional mindset of various countries on immigration matters.

Let’s be realistic. I need only consider three factors that promote or detract migration for anybody:—

Age — no near-retirees, please

hand age progression

It’s not how old you are … it’s how old you’re going to be

(via PhoJoe)

All things being equal, immigration authorities worldwide nowadays take a dim view of anyone approaching the age of 50 to relocate to their shores — and for good reason. In 10 years or so, the 50-somethings will be retirees.

No country in the world would like to have imminent retirees as new citizens who may (in the government’s view) take recourse to public funds in their retirement years — in short, those who could become a burden on social welfare and health services.

Unless you’re independently wealthy (see below) or highly experienced — a specialist in something — it is age that works most against you in immigration matters.

But here’s the rub:— When you’re young enough, you’re also unlikely to be wealthy or experienced enough for immigration purposes. You need time to build up enough of both to be viable for immigration, but that could cause complications if you’re then considered too old.

Wealth — independently, as WE please

coins and houses by Images_of_Money

“Money for nothin’ ’n’ your chicks for free…”

(via Images of Money)

After age, wealth is the second most important criterion to process a person’s suitability for immigration, notwithstanding the experience, formal qualifications, etc, that the person might or might not have.

“Independently wealthy” is a British idiom that has legal significance in the UK since the 1980s. It is also now term favoured by most governments for immigration purposes to classify people having enough money to the extent that employment income is unnecessary to upkeep the wealth.

In the UK, the idiom still means you’re not slave to your assets — instead your money and assets work for you.

The minimum standard (set in the UK) is liquid cash of £150,000 (US$230,000). That bollocks, because you’ll need twice that to get the paperwork moving because you’ll need lawyers. Plus, adjust for galloping inflation.

Which now brings me to something that 90% of immigrants fail 100% to catch on.

Rats with briefcases

lawyers gone bad

Affordable immigration lawyer is fiction. There is no such thing, on Earth as it is done in Heaven, because the immigration process is convoluted and long drawn out.

What nearly everybody couldn’t catch on is this:— An expensive immigration lawyer is prima facie evidence that you are suitably independently wealthy worthy of consideration.

The rationale is simple enough.

Public policy (supported by legislation) mandates immigration authorities to put up ‘difficulties.’ Theirs is a state of mind that desires to see someone capable of facing challenges head-on.

Whether the immigrant solves his situation by wherewithal (more favoured) or by gumption (relatively less favoured) is immaterial. It is the immigrant’s ability to plot a solution for himself that the authorities take as “capability to contribute to society” there.

(Image of “Lawyers Gone Bad” via ffwdweekly.com)

Livelihood — pragmatics beyond procedures

livelihood fao-org

(via the Food and Agriculture Organization of the United Nations)

As if clearing the hurdle of immigration procedures isn’t uphill enough already, the even greater obstacle about emigrating is livelihood in the new country.

“I hate to say this but there are a lot of crappy jobs in Vancouver. I might be able to find employers willing to sponsor you. One avenue I know of is to work as a live-in caregiver. Really crappy, I know —


How do you make a living there, once you clear the immigration fracas successfully?

Fiftysomething? Newcomer? Jobs for that age of people?

How hard is it to get a job at your age in your own country?

How hard will that be when you’re a new immigrant in another country?

Will you be seen as a contributor, or as someone ‘stealing from the locals’ there?

Why you and not us locals?

Take a look at me, just for the mental exercise.

Disregard my age and say I do oneupmanship. With a Chinese face, I’d be looked upon in the new country as just another upstart Chinaman ‘with airs’ as an English prick, regardless of all other places I lived before. You wanna hire THAT???

I could try ‘one-down-manship.’ That’ll get me no more than just another Hongkie — like “101 other refugees from someplace we’ve never heard of.” Wanna hire THAT too???

I’ve seen The Immigration/Relocation Tussle first-hand and know the horror stories from before. I’d like things to be different, to live elsewhere and all that — but it’s always the same-old-same-old everywhere.

pontius pilateMuch as I have come to detest the ‘new’ Hong Kong, I am a native son of my town. I’ve not changed, only my home has, for the worse and right quick.

“We all have to operate on some realistic level,” as I’m fond of quoting Richard Burton’s character in the movie “The Night of the Iguana” (1964).

Pontius Pilate once said rather admirably,

“A grown man knows how the world works, and Rome IS the world … for now.”

And the world today is not the one from yesterday.

(Bust of Pontius Pilate via Annoyz Mysteryz)


In the next instalment, The Naked Listener will tell you why Canada is now a show-stopper of a non-destination for any immigration hopeful.


© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2013. (B13250)

2 Responses to “‘Moving you to Vancouver’”

  1. Ed Hurst said

    If I were really determined to live in Canada, I’d cross the border heading to Alaska and never get there. But Alaska is actually better for my purposes. That would be the whole point: Having a purpose bigger than just picking a nice place to live.


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