Lifehack: Win your way through accents

Friday 9 August 2013, 7.47am HKT


THERE are two threads on my social feed going on right now about accents:—

“Ladies and gents, what foreign accents can you fake?
How good is the put-on?”

“What kind of accent would you like your partner to have?”

As you can see, they’re kind of interrelated.

I once offered 2½ quality-of-life-changing protips for enhancing your approachability for others (and vice versa):—

For women

french girls

Unknown French babes
Who cares about their names when they have personality?

Dead easy.

Just speeek wis a leettle Fren’ch accent.

Just some words; doesn’t ’ave to be a’ll.

Zer tri’ck iss zer soft Fren’ch ‘r’ (non-rhotic to the linguists). Zer Fren’ch “aah’r’uh.”

Zer subtle sh’rug an’d ewpen palms at bu(r)st level are compulsory gestures.

Persuasive looks:—

Square glasses, red lip-steee’k, coloured tights, pointy shoes and hat.

(French girls have less clothes in their closet, but everything is couture.
Pretty smart really.)

For men

germanic guys resized

Tough ‘cute’ men for all ladies
Jürgen Prochnow, Mathias Schweighöfer, Rutger Hauer, and Max von Sydow

Trickier to do.

Speak a Germanic accent.

The German accent is an acceptable and authorised English accent.

The best German accent is the it’s-there-but-not-annoying one just like from actor Jürgen Prochnow or the even fainter accent of Matthias Schweighöfer.

Robotic:— Arnold “I’ll Be Back” Schwarzenegger Austrian accent.

Verboten:— B-movie Panzer Division Stalag Luft Nr. 31 Jawohl-Herr-General German accent — it just sounds too psycho.

Eminently sexy:— The Dutch accent of the eminently sexy actor Rutger Hauer.

Avuncular:— The upper-class Swedish accent of Max von Sydow.

Rutger Hauer’s accent is especially appealing to women because they can’t tell if it’s French, Dutch or German (as I’ve been reliably informed by various kinds of chicks).

Persuasive looks:—

Titanium-rimmed square glasses, soft tan-coloured suede jacket, charcoal-grey jeans, black ankle dress boots.

Men, la deuxième partie (in front of American women)

delon reno

‘Worth-it’ men for the chicks: Alain Delon and Jean Reno

Ditch the Germanics.

Go for gold with the French accent.

Not Pink Panther Inspector Clouseau French accent (that’s an Englishman’s French accent).

Not François Truffaut’s (too challenging).

Speak like Alain Delon (romantic) or Jean Reno (manly).

Jean Reno’s is easier.

french girl vomits ratemyvomitdotcom

Result of over-attention to accents

(via Rate My Vomit)

Those insights clearly are worth their weight in gold. The invoice is in the mail.

*

Protips recycled from the post Clockenflap 2011 (2/3) of 22 Dec 2011.

Hat tip to the Hey-Ai group on Facebook here and here for the (re)inspiration.

Images: French women combo from images via Indian Girlz Fanz, Sodahead, Cheap Eyeglasses Blog, and Hairstyles GuruJürgen Prochnow via Germany.info ♦ Mathias Schweighöfer via Gofeminin.de ♦ Rutger Hauer via Fanpop ♦ Max von Sydow via WithFriendship.com ♦ Alain Delon via Cinemapassion.com ♦ Jean Reno via Wallpaperstock.net ♦ Vomiting French derp via ratemyvomit.com.

_____

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