Lifehack: Win your way through accents
Friday 9 August 2013, 7.47am HKT
THERE are two threads on my social feed going on right now about accents:—
“Ladies and gents, what foreign accents can you fake?
How good is the put-on?”
“What kind of accent would you like your partner to have?”
As you can see, they’re kind of interrelated.
I once offered 2½ quality-of-life-changing protips for enhancing your approachability for others (and vice versa):—
Unknown French babes
Who cares about their names when they have personality?
Just speeek wis a leettle Fren’ch accent.
Just some words; doesn’t ’ave to be a’ll.
Zer tri’ck iss zer soft Fren’ch ‘r’ (non-rhotic to the linguists). Zer Fren’ch “aah’r’uh.”
Zer subtle sh’rug an’d ewpen palms at bu(r)st level are compulsory gestures.
Square glasses, red lip-steee’k, coloured tights, pointy shoes and hat.
(French girls have less clothes in their closet, but everything is couture.
Pretty smart really.)
Tough ‘cute’ men for all ladies
Jürgen Prochnow, Mathias Schweighöfer, Rutger Hauer, and Max von Sydow
Trickier to do.
Speak a Germanic accent.
The German accent is an acceptable and authorised English accent.
Robotic:— Arnold “I’ll Be Back” Schwarzenegger Austrian accent.
Verboten:— B-movie Panzer Division Stalag Luft Nr. 31 Jawohl-Herr-General German accent — it just sounds too psycho.
Eminently sexy:— The Dutch accent of the eminently sexy actor Rutger Hauer.
Avuncular:— The upper-class Swedish accent of Max von Sydow.
Rutger Hauer’s accent is especially appealing to women because they can’t tell if it’s French, Dutch or German (as I’ve been reliably informed by various kinds of chicks).
Titanium-rimmed square glasses, soft tan-coloured suede jacket, charcoal-grey jeans, black ankle dress boots.
Men, la deuxième partie (in front of American women)
‘Worth-it’ men for the chicks: Alain Delon and Jean Reno
Ditch the Germanics.
Go for gold with the French accent.
Not Pink Panther Inspector Clouseau French accent (that’s an Englishman’s French accent).
Not François Truffaut’s (too challenging).
Jean Reno’s is easier.
Result of over-attention to accents
Those insights clearly are worth their weight in gold. The invoice is in the mail.
Protips recycled from the post Clockenflap 2011 (2/3) of 22 Dec 2011.
Images: French women combo from images via Indian Girlz Fanz, Sodahead, Cheap Eyeglasses Blog, and Hairstyles Guru ♦ Jürgen Prochnow via Germany.info ♦ Mathias Schweighöfer via Gofeminin.de ♦ Rutger Hauer via Fanpop ♦ Max von Sydow via WithFriendship.com ♦ Alain Delon via Cinemapassion.com ♦ Jean Reno via Wallpaperstock.net ♦ Vomiting French derp via ratemyvomit.com.
© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2013. (B13262)
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