LOL, they’re actually selling THIS now…

Saturday 7 December 2013, 1.00pm HKT


xmas snowden doll

Let’s hope Eddie the Non-IKEA Snömy gets royalties from the sales

Hate to say this, but this in all probability is going to be a mega hit in JapanThe Land That Gave Us Weird Since 1957.”

There, retro death-metal porn grind rockers in Hello Kitty French maid’s uniforms will be masturbating WITH (not just ‘to’) this doll between now and Valentine’s Day. If all goes well, the Japanese will EXPORT it across Asia, suitably accompanied by psycho-porno anime and BDSM manga.

I think Eddie will be alarmed and psychologically disturbed by THAT more than the U.S. efforts to extradite him back.

The programs known collectively as “Co-Traveler” (leaked by Eddie) allow the National Insecurity Agency to track the inane locations of any insane mobile phone user in the world (currently 5,000 million phones daily).

This antic of theirs is just so fuxxing funny (almost equal in rank to a Mel Brooks caper) that it’s just uneffingbelievable in hilarity.

LOL, if they’re tracking me, they’ll have the exhilaration of knowing that my calls are mostly with government regulatory officials and assorted similar cattle talking about how American government officials keep effing up big time giving timely clearances to IPOs because we didn’t bribe (or not enough). LOL, no shit, boyo.

If they’re tracking my location, it’s office, McDonald’s, supermarket, office, home, bathroom, office, McDonald’s, supermarket… I could keep going at a faster rate, just to fill up their expensive hard drives. Could I f**k (Londonspeak for “Could I f**cking ever”).

*ROFLMAO* *Snorg* *Tears streaming from my eyes*

(I can’t effing stop laughing as I write this, by the way.)

Otherwise, they could tap into my phone camera (if I had a smartphone) and basically see what could be summed up by this mug—

object hohoho saw you masturbating mug 5555

Read the ‘over-constructive’ International Business Times story “How NSA Collect Location Data From 5 Billion Cellphones Every Day [Video].”

That story could’ve been better re-headlined as “How NSA Self-Pwns From Collecting 5 Billion Cellphone Locations With Ultra-Repeating Patterns.”

*ROFLMAO*

Marketing protip to the NSA: Rename your programs “Co-Spender” and export it. Support “Made in the USA” and help American technology earn export dollars.

(Clearly somebody at the NSA is a hardcore Mel Brooks fan…)

Images via c4c.

_____

ABOUT | CONTACT | FACEBOOK | TWITTER | SISTER BLOG | POLICYLEGAL

© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2013. (B13419)

Comments are closed.

Diary of a Psychokiller

take a trip with me to the darkside

Lipsync Lawyer

Stop bitching and know your law differently

Daring Fireball

Hearing ordinary lives talk

Girl in Florence

A Tuscan Texan immersed in Florentine life: passionate about food & wine | random moments | and travel

One Drawing Daily

I've been drawing and painting and learning (almost) every day since the 9th September 2014

An English Man In SF

a diary of life as an immigrant

MB Forde

Ghosts, Legends, Folklore and Writing

Motorcycling in Hong Kong

On two wheels in Asia's World City

Tinkerbelle

Making her way back to Neverland one day at a time...

The Naked Listener's Weblog

Hearing ordinary lives talk

Basti in China

Random stuff from Hong Kong and China

Making Maps: DIY Cartography

Resources and Ideas for Making Maps

Pointless Diagrams

A new, meaningless diagram drawn daily, just 'cause.

This Blog Needs Words

The greatest WordPress.com site in all the land!

The London Column

Reports from the life of a city, from 1951 to now, compiled by David Secombe

Vintagerock's Weblog

Just another WordPress.com weblog

%d bloggers like this: