Bore of the Day: Mediterranean Drowning Games

Friday 15 May 2015, 12.34pm HKT


M E D I T E R R A N E A N   D R O W N I N G   G A M E S

logo a bore speaksThe Rt. Hon. Lord Bowlerhat, Earl of Flogthepeasants, says:—

“D’YOU honestly think I’m going to listen to this claptrap of yours because it’s not a migration problem because they’re not migrants you bloody idiot because we can have different opinions and vigorous debate but not allowed to change the frame of reference because they’re refugees and it’s a reffewbloodygee problem and they’re not ‘human smugglers’ but ‘snakeheads’ and ‘boat people’ since the Sixties and Seventies after that American cockup in Saigon thankyouverymuch because ‘migrants’ makes them sound like a bunch of lazy jobless benefit-gouging immigrants so you journos are talking shit because they’re running for their lives escaping war and put their lives in the hands of some shifty-eyed snakehead on a slow boat to nowhere because they left their homes and travel secretly a quarter hemisphere’s distance across smelly foreign warzones to arrive at another smelly warzone just to get on a leaky bathtub and paddle for somewhere PEACEFUL that isn’t also fighting a flipping war so stop calling it a migration-this-or-that as if economics was the only thing that mattered because these government chappies are off their bloody rockers to suggest setting up passport counters in those warzones for an orderly exodus because you lot clearly didn’t remember Biafra and Angola because you solve this crap at the source which is to stop the bloody fighting because everyone’s paddling to Italy not for tiramisu but to escape the fighting and killing so WTF is wrong with you all and you know Maggie Thatcher was right that everyone’s a ‘wet’ because the governments are also escaping from something which is The Truth because the truth means responsibility and everyone dreads it so they sanitise the words and you ignorant news people should shut up and keep talking but anyhow I’m off to the south of France for the Cannes Film Festival and watch movies about the horrors of war and forget about the Mediterranean Drowning Games happening a few miles south of Cannes, you peasants…”

__________

Image adapted from an original via 4chan (for it was that).

© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2015 | Site | About.me | FB | Twitter | Policy & Legal | B15131

The CR up close

Tuesday 12 May 2015, 7.59am HKT


5.51am local time, 25°C (77°F), air conditioner on

man smoking light-it-up-in-milan-italy-styleT R A C K B A C K   T U E S D A Y

A lot of people have told me I should find a way of preserving some of the comments I’ve littered all over the Internet because (not to sound too immodest) they consider my comments rather good.

I’ll buy that for a dollar.

Read the rest of this entry »

Talkback Tuesday: ‘Big trouble in little China’

Tuesday 1 October 2013, 6.00am HKT


T A L K B A C K   T U E S D A Y

RECENTLY, I did some whistleblowing at a world-famous site. Not quite in the stature of Eddie the Nationally Insecure Snowman (geddit?), but I did reveal my part in the rise and fall of ethics in a certain ‘wordprocessing’ practice.

academic fraud

(via messiah.edu via outoppie)

Read the rest of this entry »

Calling the margins

Wednesday 23 January 2013, 1.23am HKT


Updated 19 Feb 2013 (format fixes)

DIALOGUES from the movie “Margin Call” (2011), a tightly wound independent drama film about what takes place over a 36-hour period at a large Wall Street investment bank and highlights the initial stages of the financial crisis of 2007–2008.

~~~~~

HOW IT’S ALL DONE

you cant cheat nature wikipedia“There are three ways to make a living in this business — be first, be smarter, or cheat. Now I don’t cheat. And while I think we’ve got some pretty smart people in this building, it’s better to be first.”

~ CEO John Tuld (played by Jeremy Irons)

The perceptive will ask, can I cheat smarter first?

Which is why the CEO John Tuld told his floor head Sam Rogers (Kevin Spacey) this later on when the brown stuff should hit the fan:—

Sam: You’re panicking.

John: If you’re first out the door, it’s not called panicking.

keep calm panicking

~~~~~

ON WHAT’S RIGHT

Head of trading desk Will Emerson (played by Paul Bettany) tells ‘wonder boy’ head of capital markets Jared Cohen (Simon Baker) like it is:—

sign language interpretationJared: Sometimes in an acute situation such as this, often what is right can take on multiple interpretations. I need to know if you will step up.

Will: I’m sure Sam will step up. But just to make sure, Sam and I have always had the SAME interpretation of what’s right — not matter HOW ACUTE the situation.

In other words, if you don’t stand your ground, the bastards are going to pull the rug from under your feet, namsayin’?

~~~~~

DEFINE NECESSITY

Reality check about what we do, what we give, what we get:—

“Jesus, Seth. Listen, if you really wanna do this with your life you have to believe you’re necessary — and you ARE. People wanna live like this in their cars and big f–ckin’ houses they can’t even pay for — then you’re necessary. The only reason that they all get to continue living like kings is ’cause we got our fingers on the scales in their favour. I take my hand off — and then the whole world gets really f–ckin’ fair really f–ckin’ quickly, and nobody actually wants that. They say they do but they don’t. They want what we have to give them but they also wanna, you know, play innocent and pretend they have no idea where it came from. Well, that’s more hypocrisy than I’m willing to swallow, so f–ck ’em. F–ck normal people. You know, the funny thing is, tomorrow, if all of this goes tits up, they’re gonna crucify us for being too reckless. But if we’re wrong, and everything gets back on track? Well then, the same people are gonna laugh till they piss their pants ’cause we’re gonna all look like the biggest pussies God ever let through the door. Listen, nothing I’m gonna say is going to make you feel any better. It’s just going to suck for a while and then you’ll be fine.”

~ Will Emerson (Paul Bettany) to junior risk analyst Seith Bregman (Penn Badgley)

Everyone’s living  some kind of lie, including yourself.

necessity macgyver fashionablygeek

~~~~~

THE UNCHANGING MIX

If there’s a winner, there HAS TO BE a loser somewhere:—

one message lusers tardeotemperano

“So you think we might have put a few people out of business today, that it’s all for naught. You’ve been doing that every day for almost 40 years, Sam. And if this is all for naught, then so is everything out there.

“It’s just money. It’s made up — pieces of paper with pictures on it so we don’t have to kill each other just to get something to eat. It’s not wrong. And it’s certainly no different today than it’s ever been: 1637, 1797, 1819, 1837, 1857, 1884, 1901, 1907, 1929, 1937, 1974, 1987 — Jesus! Didn’t THAT f–ck me up good! — 1992, 1997, 2000 — and whatever we want to call THIS.

“It’s all just the same thing over and over; we can’t help ourselves. And you and I can’t control it, or stop it, or even slow it. Or even ever so slightly alter it. We just react. And we make a lot money if we get it right, and we get left by the side of the road if we get it wrong.

“And there have always been and there always will be the same percentage of winners and losers. Happy foxes and sad sacks. Fat cats and starving dogs in this world. Yeah, there may be more of us today than there’s ever been. But the percentages — they stay exactly the same.

~ CEO John Tuld (Jeremy Irons)

Which side of the proportion do YOU often find yourself in?

~~~~~

WHO ARE WE SELLING THIS TO?

The real caveat about value, sellability, buyability and priceability:—

Sam Rogers: The real question is, who are we selling this to?

John Tuld: The same people we’ve been selling it to for the last two years and whoever else would buy it.

Sam: But John, if you do this, you will kill the market for years. It’s over.

(John nods.)

Sam: And you’re selling something that you *know* has no value.

John: We are selling to willing buyers at the current fair market price — so that we may survive!

Sam: You would never sell anything to any of those people ever again.

John: I understand.

Sam: Do you?

John: Do YOU?! (Pounding the desk) THIS is it! I’m telling you, this is IT!

~ Dialogue between Sam Rogers (Kevin Spacey) and John Tuld (Jeremy Irons)

Just because you’re being sold something — anything — doesn’t mean it’s worth buying.

And we’re not just talking about investment products either.

open season on idiots

You might just be ‘the season’

~~~~~

TABS, JUST KEEP TABS

Always, always have even a generic idea of how much your outgoings are, no matter how sinful the spending had been for.

danger screenshotSeth Bregman: Will?

Will Emerson: Yeah?

Seth: Did you really make two and half million bucks last year?

Will: Yeah … I did.

Peter Sullivan: What do you do with all that money?

Will: I don’t know, really. It goes pretty quick. You spend what you’ve got in your pocket. Well, the taxman takes half of it up front. That leaves you with, what, million and a quarter. The mortgage takes three hundred. I gave a hundred and fifty to my parents, just to keep them going, you know. So now you got, what —

Peter: Eight hundred.

Will: A hundred fifty for the car last year, another hundred for eating, fifty on clothes, put four hundred away for a rainy day…

Seth: Smart.

Will: And what’s that?

Peter: One hundred twenty-five left.

Will: I spent 76,521 dollars on booze, dancers and whores.

Peter: Seventy-six five?

Will: Yeah, kinda shocked me too, although I was able to write most of it off as entertainment expenses! It’s true!

~ Dialogue between risk analysts Seth Bregman (Penn Badgley) and Peter Sullivan (Zachary Quinto) and head trader Will Emerson (Paul Bettany)

We can’t sin for long if we’re profligate with our sins!

~~~~~

SOMETHING TO SHOW FOR IT

animal holes groundIn your own small way, do something to make your mark for the short time you’ll have lived in the world.

John Tuld: You’re one of the luckiest guys in the world, Sam. You could be digging ditches all these years.

Sam Rogers: That’s true. And if I had, at least there’d be some holes in the ground to show for it.

~~~~~

DIFFERENT STROKES, ACCEPT THAT

“Hey Eric! Don’t beat yourself too much about this stuff, all right? Some people like driving the long way home. Who the f–ck knows, right?”

~ Will Emerson as he is leaving ex-head of risk management Eric Dale’s [John Tucci] place

Some people just prefer the long way around things just to save their version of ‘time.’ It’s nothing personal.

harold jarvis longrider 1901 patent

_____

ABOUT | FACEBOOK | TWITTER | SISTER BLOG | FAQ | LEGAL | CONTACT

© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2013. Updated 19 Feb 2013 (format fixes). (B13022)

Images: You Can’t Cheat Nature via Wikipedia | Keep Calm and Start Panicking via The Keep Calm-o-Matic | Sign Language Interpretation (modified) via Toronto Sports Media | Necessity McGyver via Fashionably Geek | You Have One New Message via Tarde o Temperano | Open Season on Idiots via Predictable History, Unpredictable Past | Danger screenshot via WonderHowTo | Animal in hole via eHow | Harold Jarvis’ Longrider 1901 via Rene K. Mueller.

Rurdy-Turdy Thursday: One Word Answer

Thursday 23 August 2012, 4.54am HKT


THIS is a new posting category: Rurdy-Turdy Thursday comes out irregularly but always on a Thursday (obviously).

It’s crap.

It’s fun.

It’s stuff you’d rather bin but never got round to it.

It’s stuff all nosey parkers like to read.

* * *

ONE WORD ANSWER

Rubric (that’s old-fashioned for ‘Instructions’)

Answer all with one-word answers. Time limit: Preferably within our lifetime, if not yours. Don’t spoil the fun for others: copy and paste into your own “About” page or something, type in your answers, and tag a bunch of people (including me). Answering them is harder than you think, so up to three words are allowable.

My answers:

Where is your mobile/cell phone …………………. Right
Your hair colour ………………………………….. Deciduous
Your mother ……………………………………… Oldtype
Your father ………………………………………. Newoldtype
Your favourite thing ……………………………… Paper

Your dream last night ……………………………. Awake
Your favourite drink ……………………………… Coffee
Your dream/goal …………………………………. Partying
The room you’re in ………………………………. Stacked
Your fear ………………………………………… Choicelessness

Where do you want to be in 6 years ……………. Abroad
Muffins …………………………………………… Crap
One of your wishlist items ……………………….. Etc
Where you grew up ……………………………… Timely
What are you wearing …………………………… Pinstripe

Your TV ………………………………………….. Movies
Your pets ………………………………………… Gone
Your computer …………………………………… IBM
Your life ………………………………………….. Emergency
Your mood ……………………………………….. Easy

Missing someone ………………………………… Supposedly
Your car …………………………………………. Flogged
Favourite store …………………………………. Laurence Corner
Your summer ……………………………………. Lolligagging
Your favourite colour …………………………… The Red, White and Boring

Last time you laughed ………………………….. Today
Last time you cried ……………………………… Unrecallable
Three people who email me …………………….. Bill the Bills Biller
Three of my favourite foods ……………………. Italian, French, Levantine
Three places I’d rather be right now ……………. Somewhere, Everywhere, Anywhere

Three people I think will do this …………………. Anybody
Your favourite one word ……………………….. Fabulous

And my own cheeky additions:

Your favourite vice ……………………………… Listening
Your favourite good habit ………………………. Observing
Your least favourite virtue ……………………… Gregariousness (big word, huh?)

Favourite English first name ……………………. Ashley
Favourite non-English first name ………………. Fabio (Italian)
Favourite surname …………………………….. Fortescue (for-tis-skew) (English)
Name that stuck after first hearing ……………. B. Speight (spayt)

What’s in your wallet …………………………… Receipts
Top or bottom ………………………………….. Spherical

Your favourite ink colour …………………………………….. Green
Ink colour that makes your handwriting look fabulous ………. Black
Ink colour you’d rather drink …………………………………. Blue
Ballpoint pen nib size …………………………………………. 1 mm (broad)
Highlighter colour …………………………………………….. Blue

Are you the jealous type ……………………….. You?
Favourite meal ………………………………….. Breakfast
Favourite piece of cutlery ………………………. Spoon

What you do for kicks …………………………… Sleep
Favourite aspect of your favourite people ……… Slack

Flight or invisibility ………………………………. Teleportation
Snow White or Goldilocks ……………………….. TRONwhores

Bollocks for you …………………………………. Gentrification (big word again, no?)
Your bollocks that they can’t stand …………….. Everydayness (polysyllabic, no?)

Are you metric ………………………………….. Yes
Are you imperial ………………………………… Yes
Choices come in ………………………………… Fours
You count numbers in ………………………….. German
You think the rest in ……………………………. Any

What animal are you …………………………… Alive
Favourite all-time author (surname only:
multi-barrelled acceptable) …………………….. Mikes
What’s your nickname for yourself ……………. Spanky Pants

Meaning of Life ……………………………….. 42 – xyz(23) to the power of olive oil

(inspiration from this Facebook note)

_____

ABOUT | TOP POSTS | FACEBOOK | TWITTER | MIRROR | SISTER BLOG

© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2012. Image via Cynthia L. (B12262)

Updated 29 Sept 2012 (formatting fixes)

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