Updated 14 Jan 2013

FOR your temporary viewing pleasure, some nosey-parkery random fun facts about The Naked Listener.

Each item originates from at least one serious, factual, objective detail about me. They’re only done up in a special way to make them seem less serious.



My life is mostly not nominal.

I adore ‘different’ things.

My life is often one long emergency … but every new day is a new life for me.


My true age is 14 years old, and not a day more.


I’m a True Neutral: Let everyone set the world on fire. I’m going to have a drink.


I am matched to 89% Joan Didion, 81% Karl Lagerfeld, 70% Julia Child, 60% David Mamet, 36% Nora Ephron, 18% Donald Trump, and 18% Sonny Rollins.


Spanky Pants is my most endearing pet name, as in “Aww, did my little Spanky Pants have a rough day at work?”


I am not a person.
I am considered a ‘thing’ by nearly all who knows me.




Yes, I’m a third culture kid … unlike most TCKs, I don’t cope — I adjust by retrofitting.

My put-on French accent is so convincing that it fools even the French.


I drink black coffee (“with two”) and wine; almost no beer.

I eat 5 meals a day — and energise with a blockbuster breakfast.

My wine-uncorking record is 6 bottles in 10 seconds with a hand corkscrew.


I started writing in cursive script by five years old.


Many say my handwriting’s brilliant in black ink — yet I prefer blue ink.


Added on 14 Jan 2013:—

I actually had schoolmates who fought in the Vietnam War and some died there.

Better be careful what comes out of your lips about that conflict.

Long hair is what I’ve got because Mum wanted me that way.

Before she passed, I’ve always had short back and sides.

Actually, I’m not terribly fond of long hair myself.

You’d be astounded by the mind-boggling (令人難以置信的) presuppositions (假設,預先假定,偏見) that others have about you at the sight of your long hair.


Despite my present looks, I am Tory. And more conservative than my parents ever were.


Added on 12 Jan 2013:—

Not many letters after my name, but I have 16 letters in front of it and that’s bad-ass unusual.


My ‘world’ is more important to me than my ‘country.’




November and March are my months for starting projects that have the highest chance of success.

I introduced the 3M Panaflex 945 signage material to Hong Kong.

I made small history by being the first-ever motorcycle rep for Hong Kong at a major world cross-continent auto race, but nobody seems to know this — nothing even on the Intarwebz.


Added on 12 Jan 2013:—

One hundred fifty grand ($150,000) — the largest amount of cash I’ve ever personally handled — entirely aboveboard, nothing illicit or unlawful, totally related to the family business. Yes, them bread needed two standard-sized briefcases.

£150,000 — a hundred fifty thousand quid, or US$242,000 — was the largest amount of money ever to have been rightfully in my own name.

Sixty-six million dollars Hong Kong 六千六百萬港元 (HK$66,000,000) was the largest amount of money I’ve ever paid out personally — as lawyers’ fees. That’s around US$8½ million or £5¼ million — a shocking waste of good money after bad caused by a worthless commercial lawsuit (mis)handled by worthless, ignorant, whoreson lawyers because Dad didn’t listen to my advice in the first place. Let that be a lesson to you all about advice from me.

So, colour me curious, what do YOU know about money?


I’m one of the last batch of Eleven-Plus examinees in the UK, scoring within the top quantile.


I have never travelled by backpack.


My endearing pet name is Spanky Pants, as in “Aww, did my little Spanky Pants have a rough day at work?”


All my dentists agree on one thing — my teeth are the biggest and hardest they’ve ever seen, more similar to animal teeth than human.

My left ear is higher than my right.


I am more careful spending other people’s money than my own.




Practicality and everydayness.

Heavily armed pacifist.


Promoting equality of oppression: Why us and not them too? Either all or none!


I have a ‘mirror’ personality. What I appear to you is exactly how you appear to me. (It’s nothing psycho or calculating, if that’s what you’re thinking.) I was born like that. This facet always surprised even Mum and Dad.

My Myers-Brigg personality is INFJ, whatever the hell that means.


Parallel is more important than serial if you intend to think for yourself.


I retrofit — adding new ‘technologies’ to older ‘systems,’
if you get my drift.




All my bosses are women. I may have had men as managers or supervisors, but the people who ‘run’ me are all women.


Medium conscientiousness — I’m no slacker and usually get things done — but have been known to goof off when I know the work is pointless (BIG HINT TO BOSSES).


“Don’t judge someone because they sin differently than you do.”


I have very sensitive ears for accents and word usage, for they reveal the mettle behind the speaker for me.


I hate and detest ‘The Walking Dictionary’ nickname I get all the time, notwithstanding the fact that my vocabulary range had been tested at 96% at the 10,000-word level.* Yet I mostly stay away from ‘big’ words because they impart that Mock Gothic Victorian Municipal Edwardian Disneyesque Erudite Verbal False Limbs Adjectival Prancing Adverbial English flavour.

* B. Laufer and P. Nation, ‘A vocabulary size test of controlled productive ability,’ in Language Testing, 1999, volume 16, issue 1, pages 33-51.


I do not wear black for business and would not transact business with anybody who wears it — it’s nothing to do with superstition.


When working in a group, I have no great need to lead or to follow. I do scan everybody as to who will be the best leader for the occasion; I might take charge if no one else does.


I am versatile — a quality that might disappoint some people because nothing is ever written in stone with me — I could change my mind completely tomorrow.


James Bond and I have one thing in common: signs of plastic surgery at the back of the right hand.


I have a fearsome number of mental checklists in my head.



This entire section added on 12 Jan 2013:



I’m useless in giving advice because my advice nearly always turn out right.

I’m a layabout. I have no respect for those of my ilk.

I have been working 80-plus hours a week since I was 23 years old.

I have a perfect driving record.

I’m an all-hours person. My maximum ‘shift’ duration is 36 hours straight. And I get things done.

I don’t get upset or angry if a phone call at 3am woke me up.

Both my legs have massive scarring, but they’re not disgusting to look at.

I don’t want to appear stupid, so I stay away from big words.

My last holiday had been in 2006.

Using only a small amount of money, I can wear to look like a million bucks.

I count numbers in German.

Lead time is three months for my predictions to come true.

I took a bullet before. (Added 14 Jan 2013)


Colour and motion.

Comedies and action.

Wartime black-and-white movies.


Silverpoint engravings.

Snow, cold weather and howling winds.

Eating out, game fare, port — and boiled meats! (So terribly mediæval of me…)

Meeting, seeing and looking at people — spectating the antics that come on.

Em dashes and semicolons.

Choices (two’s) and options (three or more) — The Meaning of Life in a nutshell.


Spelling and grammar mistakes.

Foul language — it has its place, thankyouverymuch.

Tattoos and tattooed women.

Loud noises, loud music.


Sudden body movements.

Explosive coughing, particularly when not actually ill.

Yes, no, yes/no answers — I want ‘an answer’; if you can’t provide, PLEASE VANISH.

‘Yes’ people, ‘no’ people, ‘yes/no’ people — you CAN’T belong, simple as that.

‘Soloing techniques’

Gentrification, even from the gentry.

Overanalysis without practical points.

Aversion to new things in life (e.g. new people, technology, etc).

Being poe-faced and moping every bleedin’ morning.

“We should maintain our standards” — which speaks volumes that you have none.




“Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.”(Anon)

“Question your answer.” (Grandpa)

“If it were to happen to you, your opinion would rapidly change.” (English adage)

“You always have to wake up.”

“It’s never over. You just don’t turn it on.”

“Violence never solved any problems if you don’t use it.”

“Find the line, and cross it.”

“You didn’t bribe, or not enough.”

“I don’t wanna die … I don’t wanna lose either” (John McClane)

“Time is the same for everyone. The rest depends on you.”

“If you tolerate this, your children will be next.” (English proverb)




I spent 37 months on crutches because of being run into by a pedestrian.



I am an ‘oldtype’ — there’s nothing random about me.




Text and images © The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2013. All Rights reserved. (B12203)

Created and published 21 June 2012
Updated 6 times in 2012: Jun 25, 28 (additions); Sept 01, 30 (additions, amendments, formatting fixes); Oct 08, 11 (amendments, TripAdvisor image)
Updated 12 Jan 2013 (new items, revisions)
Updated 13 Jan 2013 (colour amendments to Pantone 17-5641: HTML value #009B77)
Updated 14 Jan 2013 (new item, number fixes)


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