I am Chinese. I made up an English name “Jushine” for myself yesterday. Is it pronounceable for a native English speaker?

Amended to fit in with the blog’s style and requirements (hah!):

Answer by The Naked Listener:

This question keeps showing up on my feed and it’s getting on my nerves (no offence to the asker, who is blameless for this), so I might as well answer it.

The Year of the Horse isn’t a euphemism

9pm local time, 8°C (45°F), overcast and chilly

THIS is my long-promised but SRSLY delayed Chinese New Fear Year post for the Year of the Woodchip Particleboard Horse.

The Chinese Year of the Wood Horse (Whores?) began a whole week ago last Friday (31 Jan) at 23h00 Hong Kong time (Thursday, 30 Jan, 16h00 UTC).

With that kind of delay, anybody could reasonable hit back that I might as well put out a 2014 Christmas post instead. Point taken.

Interestingly, the original ‘lede’ was to have been “Torommow will be…”

Yes, folks, ‘torommow’ is the latest Hong Kong spelling of ‘tomorrow.’ So now my readers are hip, flip and no blip in the hip-speak scene.

Like all Horse years, this year will be a year of horsetrading.

Dafuqizdat?

(Some words and pictures offensive to prudes, or exciting to w@nkers)

Better a tourist than a disgrace like you

Hong Kong, 4.16am local time, 12°C (53°C)

I received the following email only minutes ago from a visitor to this blog, and I’m floored.

“I find your posts uneducated. You have a poor attitude to life. You are a bad example of the further destruction of our great Hong Kong culture and identity.

“You are just another tourist who came to live here but choose to take the side of equally pathetic foreigners.

“You do not write about the many good things of Hong Kong, which is one of the best cities in the world. You will not even write in your own mother language Chinese because you have not learned self-respect.

“You refer to yourself in some of your posts as a ‘Chinaman,’ which I need to remind you is a term of discrimination against the Chinese people used by foreigners who you love so much.”

— ‘Butthole Surfer’ (email, received 30 Dec 2013 at 04.10 hours HKT)

My reply:—

“Dear Butthole Surfer,

YOU’RE AN IDIOT.

“Well, that’s just your opinion, man.

“As a true-blue Chinaman myself, you need to go to hell and don’t come back.

“You’re a disgrace.

“Do you know what a f*ckface looks like? Get a mirror.

“在未來，請使用中文來寫 (‘In future, please write in Chinese’)

“Now pull up your knickers and go play with the wall socket.

“Merry Crisis and a Happy New Fear to you, c*nt.”

(Email sent 30 Dec 2013 at 04.11 hours HKT)

What a Billy-no-mates twat…

An ignoramus is what you get when you cross a dumbshit with an asshole.

My imaginary friend thinks Butthole Surfer has serious mental issues.

But according to my meds, that individual is simply a side effect.

I don’t insult people … I just describe them.

Some people are as useless as tits on a nun…

And if I get a response from this individual (and, trust me, the chances are actually quite high), tell me what I should say.

(Images via The Rumpus and someecards)

_____

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