Xmas Dalek-orate

Monday 23 December 2013, 12.01am HKT


It’s 23rd December, folks, which means today is properly when Christmas decorations are traditionally put up (or put up with).

xmas dalek de-cor-ate

DE-COR-ATE OR EXTERMINATE!
EXTERMIN-COR-RATE!
DE-COR-MINATE!
MASTUR-DECOR-TERMIN-BATE!

Would you like a cup of tea instead?

xmas finger twins 2124847369_n

EFFIN’ LAG YOU ARE, MATE!
We’d started and done it WEEKS ago!

Now pull up your panties and go play with the power socket.

Images via Imgur (top) and c4c (bottom).

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© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2013. (B13412)

Running slow and waiting for a drink

Saturday 21 December 2013, 1.21pm HKT


12.49pm local time, 15°C (59°F), cool and warming up

MY spherical objects residing in my trunks have just finished thawing from the cold of the last two or three days. This ex-British/now-Chinese colony of Hong Kong had just warmed 5 degrees this morning.

xmas twerking

My left-side auxiliary spherical object down in my trunks

Nothing new happening with me right now. I’m just tired and fagged out. Only thing worth mentioning was this conversation from this morning:—

“What’s your wish for Christmas?”
“I wish that others stop asking me what I’m wishing for.”

Other than that, this is how I feel…

cat wagging tail

Got better balls than I have right now…

Until I finish writing up that stupid year-end review of mine that probably nobody wants to read because it’s a tl;dr kind of deal, I’m back on the bottle…

whisky pouring

Wished my bottle would pour this unendingly…

By the way, it’s Winter Solstice on Saturday, 21 December 2013 at 5.11pm UTC/GMT — or Sunday the 22nd at 1.11am Hong Kong time. It’s an almighty family reunion time for the Chinese — another excuse for a booze-up!

(Images via Imgur)

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© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2013. (B13434)

Make it a memorable Xmas, hehehe

Friday 20 December 2013, 12.15am HKT


NOW that you’ve managed to put up your expensive, culturally literate, politically correct Xmas tree, why not make it a super memorably exciting event for family and friends?

Highly memorable candy canes

Candy canes. The red ones are SRIRACHA-flavoured, the green ones WASABI-flavoured. Say nothing, and let it all be a surprise. A nice, warm, heart-felt accent to the festive season.

(Heart-felt,geddit?)

A taste of the East Meets West, eh?

Memorable hosital Xmas glove tree

Variety, as they say, is the spice of life. (Geddit?)

Be nice, and give your folks and pals the opportunity to feel the exhilaration of seeing different Christmassy things.

If and when they’re ambulanced away and see something resembling the above, you’ll know with near certainty that your next Christmas will cost less — fewer bodies to come round gumming up your place.

Like they say too, a man’s home is his castle…

Hehehe. Hehehe…

(Images via Imgur)

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© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2013. (B13413)

Situation report: ‘On the bottle’

Tuesday 17 December 2013, 6.49am HKT


xmas bottle tree via imgur

5.16am local time, 13°c (55°F), constant showers

NOTHING to report, other than to say I’ve scrubbed an entire draft of a year-end recap post simply because it sounded weird (read: constructive).

For starters, it was longwinded. This blog has more than enough tl;dr posts to last several lifetimes over, yours and mine.

comment nobody gives a flying shit

That about sums up why I scrubbed the draft

It’s been pissing down the last two days. Temperatures tumbled overnight to 13°C from around 20°C yesterday like The Worst Whorehouse North of The Equator.

So I’ve gone off the literary trail and went on the bottle instead.

And very tasty that IKEA akvavit was too — it better be at 40% alcohol by volume (80 proof to Americans or 70 proof to the British). Other than that, *hic*.

Which brings me to a longstanding lifehack of my family’s — rubbing alcohol to disinfect the outsides, drinking alcohol to disinfect the innards.

Please, it’s not an excuse for boozing — it really IS a lifehack. Every time the weather turns for the worse, drink some alcohol. It fortifies the body. Drinking it, not boozing on it — that’s the difference.

It’s a lifehack with a long history in Europe, especially in places where medical treatment might be pragmatically unavailable or underdeveloped. It’s supposed to go with some food as well. It’s very bad to take alcohol on an empty stomach.

The lifehack, by the way, doesn’t work in reverse — for when the weather turns for the better — for reasons which should be bloody obvious.

Other than that, I have a Christmas present for all of you, dear readers.

free ticket is free

The best things in life are free … and not ‘things’ either

For tomorrow, I promise to post some interesting pictures around town. Or not. *Hic*

(Images via c4c and Imgur)

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© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2013. (B13432)

Snömys

Wednesday 4 December 2013, 12.15am HKT


8.32pm local time, 21°C (69°F), light breeze

I introduce to you Santa’s unregistered illegal alien slave labourers.

Snomys by IKEA

“Snömys” Christmas tree decoration by IKEA, priced HK$29.90 for 10

(click image for full size)

That works out at 37¢ US or 23p per Snömy, which is how much illegal manual labourers worldwide get paid each for the full 30-day Christmas festive period.

Snomys in boxed set

The guys in their box, filled with hope and expectations of great things

(click image for full size)

In Swedish, snö (rhymes with the English word ‘snore’ without the heavier American ‘r’) is ‘snow’ so Snömys is kind of like ‘snowmies.’

There we have it, Santa and his Snowmies.

Snömys is the background image for this month.

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© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2013. Images by me. (B13411)

D’you not know your own traditions?

Monday 18 November 2013, 12.53am HKT


EVERYONE is desperate for money and looking for all sorts of crass ways to generate some moolah.

xmas tree festival walk

You’re tempting fate, mate
(hat tip to M.K.L.)

I hate to break the latest news to some of you, but just sayin’:—

Traditionally, the ‘Yule tree’ is put up on the 23rd December, or no earlier than the 20th December.

For Catholics, particularly those in Italy and Latin America, it can be put up earlier on Immaculate Conception (1st December), mainly on the entertaining idea that Catholics are considered more ‘devout’ than any other version of Christians.

(We’ll leave the meaning of ‘devout’ to our respective personal definitions. Your opinion requires self-assembly, just as IKEA furniture does.)

Not very interestingly, the Christmas tree was originally a German tradition dating back to the 16th century, and brought to the English-speaking world in the late 19th century by Prince Albert of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha, consort to Queen Victoria of Great Britain. All the other Europeans wondered why it took 300 years for the Christmas tree to sink into English heads.

the terminator csm 101 by sob666

This version of Father Christmas will come visiting if you don’t listen
… if your credit-card debt hasn’t taken you down first
(artwork by R-Clifford at DeviantArt)

It is taken down on 6th January, Old Christmas Day, the day after Twelfth Night (5th January a.k.a. Epiphany Eve), which is the formal end of seasonal credit-card warfare … ahem … I mean, Yuletide.

To have a Christmas tree up before or after these dates is considered bad luck. No wonder everything is a friggin’ shambles nowadays.

Which is why John Connor was ‘terminated’ on 4th July 2032 by the Terminator Model T101.

You have been told, saps.

xmas latex glove tree 92067

“Blrrrbbb” (via m4f)

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© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2013. (B13383)

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