Burn your bridges before arriving there

Monday 27 January 2014, 12.51pm HKT


11.30am local time, 20°C (68°F), warm and humid

THERE are many things I’m not terribly fond of about my hometown, but most of the time I keep my own opinions to myself because it’s not the done thing to bitch about them in the open.

But sometimes I’m faced with such insultingly insane work specifications (and/or insanely insulting attitude of the customer himself) that I’d rather burn my bridges on the spot even before I get to my bridges.

Such as yesterday morning’s drama with a prospective customer. In the end, it came to this:—

the bitch slap

Me: “What exactly am I being called to do here? It’s not cool in the eyes of others to work like that. You’re looking for some general dogsbody to carry your workload, and I’m not it. That hopefully will short-circuit the inevitable ‘like-it-or-lump-it’ discussion.

B(w)anker (pausing): “Then we can’t use you.”

Me: “Thank you. I’m glad that you can see it from my position.”

(image via c4c)

Sometimes you’ve got to fight fire with fire.

Fire works well enough for the normal run of assholes. Against industrial-strength assholes, napalm is the only answer. Ergo, my ‘short-circuit’ phraseology.

Somebody friendly took me aside and asked that I try to change this personage’s mind somehow.

Goddamit, I don’t want to change his mind! I can’t use or work with a man who NEEDS convincing or persuading — he might just change his mind once too often.

I don’t want to change MY mind either — not after the crap and the airs that he’s been giving everyone once too often.

assholes bitch

(via c4c)

Uh-oh, here’s comes the digression, like in every one of his post

One of the top things I hate and detest about Hong Kong has always been the way it gets things done.

Don’t get me wrong — The Hong Kong Way gets results, no question about that. It’s just that I don’t like how it gets results. It’s uncool and, not to put too fine a point on things, insulting more than a little once in a while for those at the receiving end.

Now if a place could be sung as a song — for instance, a pop song that could represent the national identity, the cultural psyche — then it’s something that reflects the people and society of that place.

Many songs do exactly that.

There being nothing else to say, that should lead in nicely to my next post, which is about the signature tunes of this ex-British/now-Chinese ring-a-ding-ling colony of Hong Kong.

Be here or be queer for that story.

are the assholes still in charge

(via c4c)

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© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2014. (B14037)

Better a tourist than a disgrace like you

Monday 30 December 2013, 5.32am HKT


Hong Kong, 4.16am local time, 12°C (53°C)

I received the following email only minutes ago from a visitor to this blog, and I’m floored.

butthole surfer“I find your posts uneducated. You have a poor attitude to life. You are a bad example of the further destruction of our great Hong Kong culture and identity.

“You are just another tourist who came to live here but choose to take the side of equally pathetic foreigners.

“You do not write about the many good things of Hong Kong, which is one of the best cities in the world. You will not even write in your own mother language Chinese because you have not learned self-respect.

“You refer to yourself in some of your posts as a ‘Chinaman,’ which I need to remind you is a term of discrimination against the Chinese people used by foreigners who you love so much.”

‘Butthole Surfer’ (email, received 30 Dec 2013 at 04.10 hours HKT)

My reply:—

tnl my left ear“Dear Butthole Surfer,

YOU’RE AN IDIOT.

“Well, that’s just your opinion, man.

“As a true-blue Chinaman myself, you need to go to hell and don’t come back.

“You’re a disgrace.

Do you know what a f*ckface looks like? Get a mirror.

“在未來,請使用中文來寫 (‘In future, please write in Chinese’)

“Now pull up your knickers and go play with the wall socket.

“Merry Crisis and a Happy New Fear to you, c*nt.”

(Email sent 30 Dec 2013 at 04.11 hours HKT)

What a Billy-no-mates twat…

An ignoramus is what you get when you cross a dumbshit with an asshole.

My imaginary friend thinks Butthole Surfer has serious mental issues.

But according to my meds, that individual is simply a side effect.

I don’t insult people … I just describe them.

Some people are as useless as tits on a nun…

And if I get a response from this individual (and, trust me, the chances are actually quite high), tell me what I should say.

excuses for doing dumb shit via someecards

(Images via The Rumpus and someecards)

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© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2013. (B13444)

Xmas Dalek-orate

Monday 23 December 2013, 12.01am HKT


It’s 23rd December, folks, which means today is properly when Christmas decorations are traditionally put up (or put up with).

xmas dalek de-cor-ate

DE-COR-ATE OR EXTERMINATE!
EXTERMIN-COR-RATE!
DE-COR-MINATE!
MASTUR-DECOR-TERMIN-BATE!

Would you like a cup of tea instead?

xmas finger twins 2124847369_n

EFFIN’ LAG YOU ARE, MATE!
We’d started and done it WEEKS ago!

Now pull up your panties and go play with the power socket.

Images via Imgur (top) and c4c (bottom).

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© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2013. (B13412)


2.30am local time, 24°C (75°F) hot and effing humid

British schooling comeback to American TV host

Relevant: Apply cold water to burnt area

(hat tip to MINI Microfone for image via Imgur)

Nearly all of my American friends have validated the truth of this, that their geography sucks.

The rest of us know THAT already:—

“War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.” — Ambrose Bierce

Reason?

America is a large, complicated place. Lots of states, and you have to remember at lot about each of those. Still, learn.”

But the truth is…

“I always thought Nicaragua was next to Sweden. Because. Everything. Is. Next. To. Sweden.

The absolute reality is even more terrifying…

“Liberals are only concerned with watching awful network programming, and Occupying Obama thinks there are 57 states.”

*

“They’re still figuring out how to work the cellphone…”
— the movie “Robodoc” (2008)

*

“Have you lost an eye or a testicle, or some other small but pricey part
of your body? Sue your doctor. Lost your brain? Accidental
lobotomy is not a defect — it’s an education system feature.”

— ‘MINI Microfone’ (a 100% regular American)

(Thanks, MINI Microfone, you’re a real stand-up guy…—Editor)

*

Please leave your opinion to make MINI Microfone’s day. Thank you.

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© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2013. Image via Imgur. (B13151)

One more job applicant

Tuesday 12 February 2013, 3.36am HKT


pope looking for a new job po5hg0u

He says his callsign is Papa Benefit Sixteen and is sitting outside my office

*Sniggers*

Sorry about this to any “Cats” out there. I just can’t resist this. (I’m no “Prod” myself.)

Some unknown guy (could only be a guy) on some imageboard put in this even bigger jab:—

pope chosen by god quits w83fxtc

Ouch

*

For my money’s worth, I personally feel sad he’s quitting because—

pope 8 years of jokes bacexlh

Now that’s a far, far bigger loss

(All images via m4f)

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POSTSCRIPT

I know you’re all counting, and it’s true — this IS the 999th post. (Geddit???)

*Snorg*

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© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2013. (B13056)

Peeler peeled

Tuesday 17 July 2012, 4.59am HKT


Woman: I think you’re being over-sensitive.

Other woman: I think you’re over-thick-skinned.

(IKEA Bistro, 13 July 2012, 8.23pm)

That’s a really good comeback to those who habitually call others over-sensitive.

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© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2012. Image by me.

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