Special Aside: NEET’s Guide to Working As An Artist

Saturday 3 October 2020, 8.00pm HKT


SPECIAL REPORT: ASIDE
Warning:— Contains language that may be NSFW (Naff Sarcasm For Wankers).

HERE is a quick guide to making it when you are working as a full-time artist:—

Sleep — If you follow this guide, you’ll only need about three hours of sleep every two days.
Getting rid of sleep is one of the most important things you can do if you really, sincerely want to be an artist. If you take a healthy approach to less sleep, it’s just as healthy as getting a full eight hours every day.
The thing to remember is that, as artists, our lives are incredibly sedentary. Sleep is generally a thing the body needs when it’s doing something rigorous and building muscle. Manual labourers need sleep to function properly. Artists need significantly less.
As an example, carnivores sleep more than herbivores. Elephants sleep about three hours a day — something that is doable because they have almost no predators. As human beings, we have absolutely none. There’s no need for us to hunt for food. Most of the time, there’s no need to move at all, especially if you’re an artist.

YEAH, SUUURE…

Idiot.

The less sleep, the more sedentary and lethargic you become — not the other way around, liar.

You just have to wonder how is it that anyone could actually believe this tripe. And they are many who really believe, no kidding.

When you get rid of sleep, you need to take the necessary steps to prevent a blowout — never mind maintain a healthy lifestyle — by adjustment.

For starters, you won’t eat full meals anymore once you reduce your amount of sleep. Your metabolism slows down — you will basically have the metabolism of people in their 70s. You will have to cycle through some vital things to eat several times a day every day to function, and you cannot skip them.

In short, you have to turn into a ruminating cow or sheep, munching four or more meals a day, or just munch non-stop — protein (beans, meat), fat (whole milk), vitamins (citrus fruits), carbohydrates (fruit) and water throughout the day. Your metabolism has slowed down to the point it cannot take the stress of dealing with a proper, full-blown meal.

By the way, I’m also curious to know how you can be a NEET (“Not in Employment, Education or Training”) and be a working artist. “NEET’s Guide” — rum tale.

Another vital thing for being an artist is energy storage — as much as possible. Sleep will be anytime whenever you feel tired. You’ll stay motionless for a while.

You have got to be kidding me with that shit.

Another good way to stay awake is to have sex or masturbate. When it comes to sex, it’s best to find the most attractive girls you can get because then you don’t have to spend too much energy to have an orgasm. Sex should then last about 30 seconds to two minutes. An orgasm therefore is a quick way to relax your body and energise yourself to work for a few more hours.

It’s just like saying, it would help to get good at cunnilingus because you want your models to stay awake, so you need to give them orgasms too — because sex is way too exhausting to do it for too long. Pffft.

Orgasms are good in case you need to drive somewhere and you don’t have time to take your three hours of sleep. So it’s best then to bring coffee and cigarettes with you and stay awake on the drive back. Also try to restrict the drive to early morning and late at night when there aren’t many road users around.
And it’s best to drive the speed limit — or a little slower — to keep your heart rate down because it can be hard to pay attention on little sleep. It’s a courtesy to other road users too since you wouldn’t want to be stuck behind a guy doing 25 mph in a 25 mph road when you’ve only slept eight hours last night.
If you do all this, you’ll notice an amazing increase in your productivity and creativity.

Part of being an artist is having your eyes open as much as possible so you can ‘study’ your surroundings visually. You can’t do that with just three hours’ sleep for every 48-hour period. It goes against the laws of physiology.

Wake the bloody hell up, people!

  • Three hours of sleep every two days sounds like a good method to kill yourself.

I know this is an obvious troll, but at least try to be a wee more subtle.

Besides, only a chad can get aways with being a two-pump chump. Only a chad gets to hit prime trim. No woman would ever sleep with any man who looks like a wreck — and three hours’ sleep every two days is what gets you. Then again, no woman wants to sleep with any man who falls for this crap.

It’s because the Internet isn’t a place for “Projection much, LOL?” but one to get honest critique, right? Riiight… you’re retarded.
NOT REALLY, BRUV

Just huff paint thinner. Artists love doing that, right?

Wake the bloody hell up, peep’l. When you cut back on sleep, you also cut back on your brain’s ability to process the learning done when you’re awake. It literally promotes the growth of cancer cells by staying awake so much. Sleep is the period for our bodies to repair tissues and reconsolidate the metabolic processes.
THEY WALK AMONGST US

Listen to me, boys and girls. Sleep deprivation will give you cool hallucinations, which you can then paint and sell for millions. Thing is, the “shadow beings” seen in hallucinations are actually there. Many people see the same description of the same things for a reason. It’s all part of fallen witchcraft.

If you actually believe THAT, then maybe your hallucinations have become permanent and entrenched.
GO FOR BROKE

Let’s just not sleep at all. I can invent crap too:—

  • We’ve been conditioned to sleep, even though we don’t need it. Remember when you were a kid and did’t want to go to bed? You weren’t tired, but your shitty parents — whose economic activities raped the environment, depleted your natural-resource inheritance on rampant consumerism and Cold War militarisation — said you had to. They just wanted to get rid of you and have a few hours of peace and quiet so your crack-whore mother could suck off your ghey father once every six weeks. So stop this sleep shit — you don’t need it. Forgive your shitty parents, for they didn’t know what they were doing.

We sleep not just because for tiredness but for rest and relaxation.
THE PITS

This crap is probably the worst guide to anything I’ve ever seen or heard — especially the surrealistic part about masturbation being a good way to stay awake.

  • Masturbation literally keeps you lazy and in low energy. You become content with doing NOTHING.

Stop wanking and get your goddamned sleep. You should also spend some time on exercise — 30 minutes a day won’t hurt your lifestyle but will actually improve it a lot. Eat a balanced diet. A healthy body makes for a healthy mind.

Pay no attention to “NEET’s Guide” writers. They either fools or trolls.

Now you can go back to masturbating or sleep.


Below are items found resting on the ultra-deep ocean floor by oceanographers. You too could sink to the abyss if you’re careless with your information.


© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 03 Oct 2020. (B18051)

Xxxxx words.

L’article écrit le 08 avril 2018 et crée le 10 avril 2020.

Redefining our ‘redefinables’

Sunday 16 June 2013, 12.22am HKT


8.30pm local time, 25°C (77°F), rain all bleedin’ day

EVEN the Guitar and Bass Drums Brigade knows what’s what and what’s not about the current fracas with national ‘insecurity.’

be quiet 1371194702567

Read the rest of this entry »

Rurdy-Turdy Thursday: One Word Answer

Thursday 23 August 2012, 4.54am HKT


THIS is a new posting category: Rurdy-Turdy Thursday comes out irregularly but always on a Thursday (obviously).

It’s crap.

It’s fun.

It’s stuff you’d rather bin but never got round to it.

It’s stuff all nosey parkers like to read.

* * *

ONE WORD ANSWER

Rubric (that’s old-fashioned for ‘Instructions’)

Answer all with one-word answers. Time limit: Preferably within our lifetime, if not yours. Don’t spoil the fun for others: copy and paste into your own “About” page or something, type in your answers, and tag a bunch of people (including me). Answering them is harder than you think, so up to three words are allowable.

My answers:

Where is your mobile/cell phone …………………. Right
Your hair colour ………………………………….. Deciduous
Your mother ……………………………………… Oldtype
Your father ………………………………………. Newoldtype
Your favourite thing ……………………………… Paper

Your dream last night ……………………………. Awake
Your favourite drink ……………………………… Coffee
Your dream/goal …………………………………. Partying
The room you’re in ………………………………. Stacked
Your fear ………………………………………… Choicelessness

Where do you want to be in 6 years ……………. Abroad
Muffins …………………………………………… Crap
One of your wishlist items ……………………….. Etc
Where you grew up ……………………………… Timely
What are you wearing …………………………… Pinstripe

Your TV ………………………………………….. Movies
Your pets ………………………………………… Gone
Your computer …………………………………… IBM
Your life ………………………………………….. Emergency
Your mood ……………………………………….. Easy

Missing someone ………………………………… Supposedly
Your car …………………………………………. Flogged
Favourite store …………………………………. Laurence Corner
Your summer ……………………………………. Lolligagging
Your favourite colour …………………………… The Red, White and Boring

Last time you laughed ………………………….. Today
Last time you cried ……………………………… Unrecallable
Three people who email me …………………….. Bill the Bills Biller
Three of my favourite foods ……………………. Italian, French, Levantine
Three places I’d rather be right now ……………. Somewhere, Everywhere, Anywhere

Three people I think will do this …………………. Anybody
Your favourite one word ……………………….. Fabulous

And my own cheeky additions:

Your favourite vice ……………………………… Listening
Your favourite good habit ………………………. Observing
Your least favourite virtue ……………………… Gregariousness (big word, huh?)

Favourite English first name ……………………. Ashley
Favourite non-English first name ………………. Fabio (Italian)
Favourite surname …………………………….. Fortescue (for-tis-skew) (English)
Name that stuck after first hearing ……………. B. Speight (spayt)

What’s in your wallet …………………………… Receipts
Top or bottom ………………………………….. Spherical

Your favourite ink colour …………………………………….. Green
Ink colour that makes your handwriting look fabulous ………. Black
Ink colour you’d rather drink …………………………………. Blue
Ballpoint pen nib size …………………………………………. 1 mm (broad)
Highlighter colour …………………………………………….. Blue

Are you the jealous type ……………………….. You?
Favourite meal ………………………………….. Breakfast
Favourite piece of cutlery ………………………. Spoon

What you do for kicks …………………………… Sleep
Favourite aspect of your favourite people ……… Slack

Flight or invisibility ………………………………. Teleportation
Snow White or Goldilocks ……………………….. TRONwhores

Bollocks for you …………………………………. Gentrification (big word again, no?)
Your bollocks that they can’t stand …………….. Everydayness (polysyllabic, no?)

Are you metric ………………………………….. Yes
Are you imperial ………………………………… Yes
Choices come in ………………………………… Fours
You count numbers in ………………………….. German
You think the rest in ……………………………. Any

What animal are you …………………………… Alive
Favourite all-time author (surname only:
multi-barrelled acceptable) …………………….. Mikes
What’s your nickname for yourself ……………. Spanky Pants

Meaning of Life ……………………………….. 42 – xyz(23) to the power of olive oil

(inspiration from this Facebook note)

_____

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© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2012. Image via Cynthia L. (B12262)

Updated 29 Sept 2012 (formatting fixes)

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