Best way is…

 

The best way you’re looking for … they’re the losers, he says.

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Forlorn of good news

On the inability to surprise someone in a happy way:

“After such a long a time, I wanted to phone her with some kind of happy surprise. Like some kind of happy, happy news to make up for all the lost and wasted time between us.

I was thinking up things to get a move on with my problems and shit, you know, getting my act together. This is going to be the last year for us if I don’t get a move-on.

I just wanted to call and say something like, Yay! I’m free! I’m free now. We can be together! That crap has gone away! Everything’s fine now!

I just wanted to say that so much, so very much.

I just wanted to say those words to give her a nice, happy surprise. Just to mend those years she waited for me.

Will I ever get to say those words?“

* * *

It really isn’t a pretty sight to see a grown man weeping his heart out.

A man alone, without an anchor, can be highly self-destructive even without doing a thing.

(2.23am, 17 Nov 2010)

Forlorn of comfort

READ this highly moving, heartbreaking letter.

* * *

17.7.2009

BC,

I am sorry to surprise you by my hand-writing letter as I don’t know when I can see you again. It’s the only way to talk to you fluently.

You never know how happy I was when I came across you at the street after a series of seac tough searching for a year, but I am upset that we finally met up by chance in the street and you are likely not to contact me through any other ways even you go out or live in C— B— often. Do you know how much I am scared not seeing you again every time we say goodbye?

We are in love for years, but I end up you don’t sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with me about what you think, just disappear like that. Definitely you have hidden something from me. Perhaps you may be happy with disappearance, but you never know how deep it hurts me.

This year I live in a real pain and sadness from worrying you and your disappearance. I just like a cat on the hot brick, completely don’t know what happen to you. Nothing I can do except to keep waiting and praying for you. Such kind of feeling is indescribable in words and cannot be spoken out. But, one day I finally knew you activity [sic] answer and approach your friends once you are on-line, I really can’t believe that I am not worth a dollar and a second in your life. You always teach me: Answer People! but you don’t answer me.

I realized that I am not appreciated and recognized through all these years in our relationship, but these pains and hurts are for less than not being treated as your men ([“one of our own”]), which is the most important than other.

To be honest, I really enjoy every moment staying with you and am proud of having you by side. I always desire to chat with you or go out with you even you grasp the crutch because what I know is the people from your side will not let me to see you one day.

Big cat, you promised to protect me and are always be here for me, unfortunately, these become to another story now. I will however be here for you as I love you and treat you as my family ([“one of our own”]) that will never be changed in my life for sure.

Tell you one thing, two and half years I went to M— K— looking for mice for you as you said an animal with fur can bring a luck to sick people. Actually, I planned to go there with you and buy mice for you at that time, but you have few pieces of them at M—’s home now.

Gomz by Migros

The sweets from MIGRO is here enclosed which I have expected to taste it with you together. The expiry date is just over, do hope you don’t mind. I wish you enjoy it as they flew over here with my tears and from bone injuries. All the sweets are only for YOU or L—, not for anybody else.

Don’t ask me why I love you in unconditional even I am not your wife and have no blood relationship with you. Perhaps I am stupid and stubborn, but what I do for you is all coming from the bottom of my heart since the first time we met. Everything bears in my mind!

[BC], I never tell you that I wish to be a WIND. If I were a wind, I could protect you wherever you are without limitation.

* Devoting all my energy to comfort you with light blowing all the time especially a hot and humid weather.

* Blowing fog away to let you see things clearly.

* Stroking you when you are in pain.

* Refreshing you[r] mind when you are blur.

* Staying with you when you are lonely.

* Kissing you when you are sad and anxiety.

When a wind touches you every time, you will feel I am with you and walk with you without regret.

All these words are from the bottom of my heart! You should know Vigro [sic] before marriage.

Finally, I will wait for you in front of the Starbucks (coffee shop) in “WORLD TRADE” ON 25 July Saturday at 3:00 pm. I wish you be there.

Take a good care & I let me know about your situation.

Love you,

FS

17.7.2009

5.25am

* * *

And the mug didn’t turn up because of work at the office, fear of losing income, procrastination, confusion, illness and 101 other things.

In defence, BC didn’t get the letter and sweets until weeks after the package arrived at the address. By then, BC knew he was fast done for.

Time lost cannot be retrieved.

‘Will get round to it’ often comes round to bite you back.

Thinking of good times is not the same as having good times.

Y’namsayin’?

*

© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2010.