‘Conflicted’ doesn’t even begin to describe

Tuesday 11 July 2017, 8.00pm HKT


HYPERMENTALISED FEELINGS

ppl sad boys 2001

GOT to hand it to some people, honestly speaking.

Read this Internet tosh:—

Why do I feel so much envy and pain when I hear about male students sleeping with their female teachers?

The amount of pain and envy I feel afterwards knows no bounds. I am so angry and frustrated that this didn’t happen to me, even though I know it would have been really harmful psychologically and the teacher having committed a despicable and immoral act. What are your theories on this?

Wut the eff did I just read?

Read the rest of this entry »

Top 10 sex tips for senior citizens

Monday 25 October 2010, 10.02am HKT


1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting (turn them ALL OFF!).

4. Make sure you put 999 on speed dial before you begin.

5. Write your partner’s name on the back of your hand in case you can’t remember.

6. Use extra poly grip so your dentures don’t end up under the bed.

7. Have painkillers ready (like Tylenol, Aspirin) in case you actually complete the mission.

8. Make all the noise you want — the neighbours are deaf, too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!

10. Don’t even think about trying it twice.

* * *

REMINDERS

‘OLD” is when …

… your sweetie says, “Let’s go upstairs and make love,” and you answer, “Pick one; I can’t do both!

… your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.

… going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

… you don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.

… you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

… “getting a little action” means you don’t need to take a laxative today.

… “Getting lucky” means you find your car in the parking lot..

… an “all nighters” means not having to get up from sleep to use the bathroom.

… you ain’t sure if these are facts or jokes.

(via email, 25 Oct 2010)

30 things PORN teaches us

Saturday 20 March 2010, 6.24am HKT


If you look around long enough, you’ll come to realise how pants-on-head retarded we’ve been conditioned:

(Adult-like language in here. Reader discretion advised – never mind, you’re probably worse than I am …)

* * *

1. Women wear high heels to bed.

2. Men are always rock hard and ready to go.

3. When going down on a woman, 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she won’t scream with embarrassment but, rather, insist he have sex with her.

5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.

* * *

6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.

7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.

8. Women always orgasm when men do.

9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

10. All women are noisy fucks.

* * *

11. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman’s butt.

12. Men always groan “Oh Yeah!” when they cum.

13. If there is two of them, they high-five each other (and the girl isn’t disgusted!).

14. Double penetration makes women smile.

15. People in the ’70s couldn’t fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.

* * *

16. Asian men don’t exist.

17. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won’t have even the slightest problem with you jamming your cock in his girlfriend’s mouth.

18. Nurses suck patients’ cocks.

19. Men always pull out.

20. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she’ll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking both of you.

* * *

21. Women never have headaches … or periods.

22. When a woman is sucking a man’s cock, it’s important for him to remind her to suck it.

23. Arseholes are clean.

24. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man’s trouser and find a cock there.

25. Men don’t have to beg.

* * *

26. When standing up during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman’s head and the other proudly on his hip.

27. Every guy has a penis as big as Peter North’s.

28. All women are completely bald.

29. Any girl with pigtails is a teen.

30. Any other girl is a MILF.

* * *

(Don’t blame/flame me for this. I only got told this … Just leave a comment to let off steam.)

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