Saturday 6 July 2013, 10.27am HKT
“[The band became involved] in Newsweek. This is your parents’ magazine, the magazine at your doctor’s. I’m not going to read Newsweek. They’re not going to tell the truth because they’ve too much to lose.”
— soundbite from the rockumentary “Pearl Jam Twenty” (2011)
(image via Billboard.com)
© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2013. (B13226)
Thursday 30 August 2012, 12.30am HKT
People who see practically everybody or everything as a bad influence don’t realise just how much of a bad influence they themselves are to others.
© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2012. Image via Rate My Funny Pictures. (B12275)
Sunday 11 March 2012, 8.01pm HKT
5.30pm local time / 12°C (54°F) cold and rainy
ABOUT THE ONLY THING siding with my miserable life this week has been the cold, dreary, English-like weather. Otherwise this past week must have been Tread On The Naked Listener Week, and I didn’t the memo.
Just this afternoon, I got told off at a shop for unscrewing a pen. I wasn’t — I was actually tightening the thing out of the kindness of my heart.
There are two specific things that really get my temper burning white hot:—
- yelling into my left ear
- being told off by Cantonese people (rightly or wrongly)
I’m actually a particularly easy person to offend, even if I say so myself. But I’m also a person who lets things pass 99% of the time. Which is also why others say I’m a particularly hard person to anger.
Boy, but was I livid at that retailer’s remarks. It really stung. So I told him, “I wasn’t unscrewing your precious pen. I was tigtening it up for you.”
“Well, thank you for your concern,” he said.
“Are you sure about that?” I shot back. “Are you quite sure? I’ve been patronising your store for a long time on a regular basis, you know. Are you going to tell me off like that next time?”
I just kungfu-gripped my banknote so he had to tug on it.
Oh, I’m sorry, did my purchasing interrupt your business? Did my browsing interrupt your sitting on your fat arse hollering at people? Did my speaking in the middle of my sentence interrupt the start of your sentence?
Better wash your mouth, boy.
This retailer have always had a bad fothermucking attitude to customers. He behaves as if he’s got on a monopoly on running a business.
He also has an unlovely habit of dissing people based on outward appearances (Chinese English: ‘outlook’) — so you could imagine what he thought about me with my ponytailed hair, semi-homoerotic whiskers, leather biker jacket (this one without the fringes), denim trousers and tan cowboy boots.
I’ll take my business elsewhere from now on.
So much for Chinese desire to have a harmonious society.
* * *
You should know that anger in no way affects my ability to write coherently. You might take a different opinion, considering the general incoherence of all my writing anyway. *Smack*
* * *
Don’t yell into my left ear
Yelling into my left ear is definitely the way to go to get my temper burning white hot. It usually results in I.A. (‘Immediate Action,’ for those who’ve had some kind of training in skill-at-arms), which in my case is (and has been often enough) a belt around the mouth**.
** For our non-English cousins, ‘a belt around the mouth’ is a quick right jab to the face, just above the mouth and under the nostrils.
Down the years, I’ve unknowingly managed to condition myself (like a kind of operant conditioning) to react that way. I reckon it’s become too much of a second nature now for me to change that.
For some strange reason, I’ve never had my arse hauled by the police for belting someone in the mouth.
I suppose there has to be first time for everything, so maybe it’ll happen some time in the future for me.
(But I have once been hauled into the police station for beating the crap out of someone, who royally deserved it, but let go by the cops.)
* * *
The Cantonese: shut your gob
Another thing that gets me going is being told off by the Cantonese, who make up 90% of Hongkongers.
For those unwashed in Chinese matters, the Cantonese have long been described by other Chinese Hans as the hotheads of China. Guangdong (formerly Canton) province is the Texas of China.
(No disrespect to Texans, whom I admire greatly, especially General Robert E. Lee, who was actually a Virginian, but we’ll let that small detail go.)
I am particularly (over-)sensitive to bollocking at me by the Cantonese — but not to the point of carrying out I.A. (above). This one kicks in my own other I.A. of yelling back into their left ears in high-velocity Cantonese foul language in high decibels.
Just like how the Japanese and Mandrin-speakers see it, Cantonese is an ugly, grunting language that’s actually Khmer-Thai in origin. It’s also the only Chinese I know as mother tongue.
(By the way, I don’t have a drop of Cantonese blood in me, so you could infer the possible reasons for my Cantonese sensitivity. Yeah, I know — a non-Cantonese whose native tongue is Cantonese. Having said that, I am definitely not anti-Cantonese people, and I’ll friggin’ smack anyone who even remotely suggests that I am.)
“How would you like to pick up your teeth
from the floor with broken fingers?”
(heard in the late 1970s or early 1980s)
* * *
Oh, yes, there ARE good bits
On a much, much happier note, the distemper of this past week have more than made up for by these two events:—
1. A casual chitchat encounter with Canadian-Chinese Dionne at the local stationery store, who was really, really, really cute and nice. Gee-whiz, the cleavage was amazingballs. I have her contact details. Tee-hee-hee.
2. Last night, those two Mandarin-speaking 北菇 buck gwu (‘northern mushrooms,’ i.e. mainland Chinese chicks) in the lift (AmE: elevator) both of whom had legs and skirts that went ‘up to there’ and bodices ‘down to there’ as they made their way back to the mainland. It was 15°C (59°F) last night and was I ever srsly hot under the collar.
The buck gwu, I don’t want to tell you how ‘friendly’ they were. Honestly I don’t. And they’re not even ‘working girls.’
Who says I don’t like Chinese cuisine? Whoarr!
© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2012.
Monday 16 January 2012, 9.00am HKT
If we want to change the world — or even just the bedlinen — look at the man in the mirror first, observe accidentally with care, and then prepare deliberately accidentally for reality.
* * *
On cultural identity anywhere you sit
Re: Chinese culture, I’m trying to do my bit to promote a British Born Chinese [BBC] culture. But I think the Facebook generation just really aren’t interested, rebelling against an upbringing of Chinese patriarchy — they just want to enjoy themselves. Practical Chinese nature and all that, it does my head in when I try and talk to people about creating a BBC cultural identity, just seems pointless after a while.
I hear you and you have my sympathy.
I’m basically considered a ‘broccoli’ here — British-raised/overseas Chinese — although factually I’ve been raised everywhere else in equal time. Know me for five minutes and you’ll probably notice I’m simultaneously as Eastern and as Western as any person could possibly get. And that’s a problem, as I shall explain.
Facebook has a couple of BBC groups, but they’re mostly dormant or are spam magnets for penis-enlargement scams or botox peddling.
Here in Hong Kong, there are some ‘party gatherings’ for general networking or drinking organised by or aimed at ABCs, BBCs and whatever-Cs. However, they’re mostly populated by financial suit types who concentrate more on the networking bit and try to inveigle you into buying some financial product that frankly between you and me borders on being a fancier form of botox or penis-enlargement scam.
The problem with Hong Kong (and with China also) for a ‘foreigny’ Chinese person is that the expat and local communities are as different as chalk and cheese. They don’t connect with each other much — there IS a genuine language barrier here as well as a mental one — and the Clockenflap festival was a noticeable exception to the rule.
In China, the expat community there is (or can be) overly Chinese-centric, and that gets annoying over time. Indeed, I find the more highly educated expats there are the most annoying, mainly because they try just a little too hard to be Chinese. But maybe that’s just because of my bias.
In reverse, the expats in Hong Kong are overly pro-Western (though not anti-Chinese or Chinese-averse), and that too gets annoying over time. Adding to the annoyance are the local Hong Kong Chinese themselves, who virtually avoid knowing anything about the West as well as about China. You can easily see this apathy by looking at the generally dismal standard of Chinese and English among Hongkongers.
I’ll summarise the situation of the alphabet soupsters for you:
- If you’re an ABC (American-born Chinese), you’re in with the expat/American crowd until the going gets rough — then you’re jettisoned.
- If you’re a BBC of a more English/British disposition, you’re 70-30 in the Brit and local camps.
- If you’re a BBC who’s more Chinese in mentality, you’re just another Chinaman who happened to have been born abroad, and therefore 100% lumped with (and bulliable by) the localese.
- If you’re a Eurochinese (i.e. born/raised on Continental Europe), you don’t count because you’re just another Euronal from a different planet and speak with a funny but adorable accent. So you belong to your own national camp 100%.
- Interestingly, if you’re a CBC (Canadian-born Chinese), you’re mostly considered a local, even if you don’t even speak the local lingo.
But if you’re a multilocation-raised broccoli who speaks perfect, unaccented Cantonese and knows how to live the local life as much as the expat one, then you’re outta luck here. You’re completely stuck in between the expat, ABC, BBC and local camps — not very enjoyable. (Like me right now.)
The multilateral response to broccolis
On trust and a united front
Re: The BBC Chinese culture/Chinese apathy thing, I think it happens every ten years. Chinese are so damn unorganised when it comes to politics [and] looking out/supporting each other. Anyway, there’s lots of issues here in the UK but I won’t go on about it.
Actually, that’s a stark-naked realistic description of the situation in Hong Kong and China!
Some China-watchers who actually live inside China have long said that the almost genetically driven distrust/mistrust of the Chinese mind makes for that inscrutable character of John Chinaman described so well by Westerners in the olden days.
On a collective level, that leads to weak social cohesion (‘unorganised’ as you put it so well) — which also leads to disorganised society.
But that’s irrelevant philosophical sociology mush. Daily life intrudes, and there comes many moments in daily life when we just have to put some trust in somebody in order to get those humdrum activities of daily life moving along (like groceries). You, me and most people appreciate this fact of life, and move on.
The problem with us Chinese — mind, not so much the Hong Kong and overseas Chinese as it’s more in the case with Chinese mainlanders — is that even primitive levels of trust have now disappeared from their society. The fast and radical economic and social changes in China after it had reintegrated with the rest of the world 30 years ago just ended up creating a dog-eat-dog world over there.
I’ve heard numerous horror and bitchin’ stories from people who have lived in China. There, they say you can’t get simple things like groceries done without also constantly watching against being shafted. Imagine having to operate on shaft-alert mode day in and day out. Even the mainlanders are sick and tired of this. Imagine, if the food market can’t provide this rudimentary level of trust or support, what can we expect in more complex situations?
Maybe a united front isn’t what it’s cracked up to be, sometimes
* * *
Inadvertently observe carefully
I find it amazing that us foreign-educated Chinese are the sharpest observers of Chinese culture and identity [and] weaknesses, and yet we get the most maligned because of the opposition between East and West. If our opinions were listened to, Chinese culture would probably be a better place.
You’re a pretty sharp observer yourself.
Amaze no more. The reason is simple: there is something else to compare with and against.
Your remark is worth its weight in gold. Most of us (human beings) already think that — just that we don’t say it as you’ve said it.
In fact, I totally agree with you about if foreign-educated Chinese were listened to, even if abjectly. But practically everyone remembers this too:
For every vision, there is an equal and opposite ‘revision.’
(Corollary to Murphy’s Law)
Which is why most ‘foreign-educats’ no longer bother to say anything — waste of breath.
The Chinese mind sometimes works against its own best interest, so said Stephen Hall (a.k.a. Sin Tak-fun) who was a local business figure and social luminary in the 1920s to 1980s.
Let’s spell it out: the Chinese mind often suspends common sense and rationality when it comes to looking at its own. I don’t have to look too far for proof:
- blindspot mode automatically kicks in (automatically predictably so) whenever the discussion contains any seemingly negative-sounding remarks about us Chinese
- mainlanders automatically launch into a diatribe about how ‘The West’ had conspired to dismantle wealthy, resourceful and resource-rich China through opium, invasion, pillage, the Japanese, the Nationalists, the Soviet Union (!) and (now) containment (true enough and therefore unanswerable)
- Hongkongers automatically prattle away that the West made lots of money off us Chinese, and if it wasn’t for our Chinese willingness to suffer the shafting in transactions with the West, the West wouldn’t be where it is now
- mainlanders automatically refer to our glorious 4,000- or 5,000-year-old Chinese civilisation and need no stinkin’ West to lecture us on civil society
- Hongkongers automatically point out how familiar we are about Western ‘bad habits and bad thinking’ on the grounds that we have been ruled by a Western power for 156 years
We need only one comparison to put the whole thing into perspective.
Japanese TV have regular ‘cultural perspective’ shows that invite foreigners (living in Japan or not) to spell out various forms of Japanese asshattery, stupidness and serious shite. The shows are noteworthy for their no-holds-barred, free-for-all attitude to listening foreigners’ complaints. The issues covered are serious; the presentation designed to be lighthearted.
A lot of people say such a TV show just wouldn’t fly in the USA. It sure as hell would cause instant flying riots from the Chinese, if my own experience of Chinese people is anything to go by.
It’s easy to spot the ‘fail’ — but did you ‘observe’ not doing this in the first place?
* * *
Idealistic vs. practical idealism
I have the idea that you were an idealist at some point in something and that you decided to just enjoy your life instead of trying to change things? It’s probably best that way and just to get on with things instead of trying to change the world. Idealists are never listened to, only businessmen.
Riding my chopper motorbike in my fringed leather jacket is a helluva better idealism in practical terms. Fixing the bike’s carburettors and changing the oil are much more satisfying than changing the world whose population of psychopaths has already gone beyond the point of no return.
Idealism ain’t no free ride, I’m telling you, man. Idealism comes with a heavy pricetag. Only businesspeople with high moolah and low morals can afford it.
But idealism is bad business, and bad for business — which is why businesspeople don’t want anything to do with idealism. Can we blame them?
I suppose you are right about me being an idealist about something (?) at some time. I mean, we were all idealists to some degree in our younger days.
And then we become older and cynical when it’s our turn to pay the bills, look after the unabortable babies, hold down our imaginatively titled jobs, or beg like serfs for a job from potential employers who wear that insolent sardonic smile on their faces and behave with imperious disdain at our need for a job.
And then spend every bleeding night dealing with the ‘drama’ of those odd strangers with funny noses and shifty eyes living inside our homes we call ‘husband,’ ‘wife,’ ‘son,’ ‘daughter’ or even ‘grandchildren.’
Yes, I too tell people (just like Kevin Flynn did in “TRON: Legacy”) that,
“You’d be amazed just how productive it can be to do just nothing.”
Changing the world is just SEP:
* * *
On being mentally prepared for realities
Anyway, I’ll have to take the English teaching option a bit more seriously, and decide from there, once I’ve got other work out the way, and improve my Cantonese in the meantime. Not too keen on having to impress the snobby culture, but it is what it is, I suppose.
That’s the spirit.
People just don’t realise the value of those great British skills of ‘muddling through’ and ‘keep calm and carry on.’
REALITY: IT IS WHAT IT IS
* * *
Which is more important to you — your ‘world’ or your ‘country’?
How do you decide which?
What is the meaning of YOUR life? WHY do you exist?
* * *
“The Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything
is calculated by an enormous supercomputer over a period of
7.5 million years to be 42. Unfortunately no one knows what the question is.”
— Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams (1979)
© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2012.
Images: Alphabet soup via c4c ♦ Old Hong Kong flag via Wikipedia ♦ ABC via 4you4free ♦ ‘Know the Blindspots’ via Workzone Safety ♦ Chinese beach swimmers via c4c ♦ Fail stairs via c4c ♦ Motorbiker on chopper via Hotel Brenner ♦ Somebody Else’s Problem via Cutcaster ♦ ‘Reality is what you can get away with’ via Talent Imitates, Genius Steals.