LOL, they’re actually selling THIS now…

Saturday 7 December 2013, 1.00pm HKT

xmas snowden doll

Let’s hope Eddie the Non-IKEA Snömy gets royalties from the sales

Hate to say this, but this in all probability is going to be a mega hit in JapanThe Land That Gave Us Weird Since 1957.”

There, retro death-metal porn grind rockers in Hello Kitty French maid’s uniforms will be masturbating WITH (not just ‘to’) this doll between now and Valentine’s Day. If all goes well, the Japanese will EXPORT it across Asia, suitably accompanied by psycho-porno anime and BDSM manga.

I think Eddie will be alarmed and psychologically disturbed by THAT more than the U.S. efforts to extradite him back.

The programs known collectively as “Co-Traveler” (leaked by Eddie) allow the National Insecurity Agency to track the inane locations of any insane mobile phone user in the world (currently 5,000 million phones daily).

This antic of theirs is just so fuxxing funny (almost equal in rank to a Mel Brooks caper) that it’s just uneffingbelievable in hilarity.

LOL, if they’re tracking me, they’ll have the exhilaration of knowing that my calls are mostly with government regulatory officials and assorted similar cattle talking about how American government officials keep effing up big time giving timely clearances to IPOs because we didn’t bribe (or not enough). LOL, no shit, boyo.

If they’re tracking my location, it’s office, McDonald’s, supermarket, office, home, bathroom, office, McDonald’s, supermarket… I could keep going at a faster rate, just to fill up their expensive hard drives. Could I f**k (Londonspeak for “Could I f**cking ever”).

*ROFLMAO* *Snorg* *Tears streaming from my eyes*

(I can’t effing stop laughing as I write this, by the way.)

Otherwise, they could tap into my phone camera (if I had a smartphone) and basically see what could be summed up by this mug—

object hohoho saw you masturbating mug 5555

Read the ‘over-constructive’ International Business Times story “How NSA Collect Location Data From 5 Billion Cellphones Every Day [Video].”

That story could’ve been better re-headlined as “How NSA Self-Pwns From Collecting 5 Billion Cellphone Locations With Ultra-Repeating Patterns.”


Marketing protip to the NSA: Rename your programs “Co-Spender” and export it. Support “Made in the USA” and help American technology earn export dollars.

(Clearly somebody at the NSA is a hardcore Mel Brooks fan…)

Images via c4c.



© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2013. (B13419)

A heart-warming time for … firefighting

Friday 6 December 2013, 6.00pm HKT

Christmas intensifies. Like this.

wtf do we do nao fire extinguisher

Wut’re we gonna do nao? (Click image for larger size)

“Can’t touch this. Dun, dun-dun dun…”

smoke detector

Smell the aroma of your money burning away

(Images via c4c and Lane Rurar Fire/Rescue)



© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2013. (B13418)

Truly scary, even for Halloween

Friday 1 November 2013, 2.40am HKT

On Halloween Day, I became an official employee of the CIA.

My official staff card as proof:—

id card cranial insertion agency 1


Better than the other end, innit?

(Created via Big Huge Labs)



© The Naked Listener’s Weblog, 2013. (B13361)

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